Happy Anniversary

Dear Sam,

Here we are again. This would have been our 17th wedding anniversary.

It's hard to believe that so much has happened in the last two and a half years. The kids are growing... both are so much stronger and more mature. I'm definitely a different man than the one who held you as you left on that quiet April morning. Even the house we made a home has been rebuilt; a different version of the former thing.

Things are happening for me professionally, creatively... I have rediscovered my heart, and the capacity to feel deeply enough to have it broken. That's just fine, because it all adds up to closure and completeness.

I still think about you a little every day (some days, like today, more than a little). I look back on our almost 15 years of marriage, just over 20 years together, as one would perceive an old slide show. While the images may still be clear, time and distance seem so much greater now. Before you died, I was always able to maintain a very strong temporal continuity; past experiences seemed close and accessible. Since then, even recent events sink into the distant past so much more rapidly.

I wish you were here to share what I've learned and what I've become, but a big part of that was gained from losing you - so it is an equation without a solution. Solve for X, but X no longer exists in the alphabet.

I could say more, but really, nothing more need be said, since if your spirit persists as I believe it does, you already know all of this anyway. It's just a way for this corporeally-bound human being to order his thoughts on a pretty somber occasion.

Raise a glass beyond the veil tonight - I will do the same.

Love always,
Todd

TMBG, You Suck.

Dear They Might Be Giants,

It was with much excitement that I purchased tickets to your September 26th concert at the Moore Theatre in Seattle, looking forward to taking my kids, 10 and 13, to your live show (having introduced them to your music since they were toddlers and could dance along to "Particle Man"). I have been a longtime fan of your music, since your first album and earliest videos on 120 Minutes. My kids were thinking I was the coolest dad ever.

So imagine our disappointment when we arrived at the entrance to the Moore (having paid $10.00 in event parking) to find out that, at the band's request, no one under 14 was to be admitted. I mean, I understand playing an 18+ show, or a 21+ show in a club where alcohol is served. But nowhere on the tickets or the Moore website did it forewarn me that my kids would not be able to see your show. Ticketmaster lists the show as "recommended for ages 14+", but as their parent, I should be able to determine their ability to see a rock concert - and "recommended for ages 14+" is not the same as "absolutely no one under 14 will be admitted, period". It's not like they're babes in arms - they're worldly, music-savvy tween/teens who have great taste and have been looking forward to this show for more than a month.

Luckily I was able to get a box office refund from Ticketmaster, but I'm still out 10 bucks for parking and have a couple kids who are disappointed in the policy, disappointed in the lack of notice, and soured on They Might Be Giants in general (and I don't blame them). They were really looking forward to seeing you perform, and we all feel like you let them down. In the future, you might do your younger fans (and their parents) the courtesy of stating your age policy somewhere more visible than at the venue box office in sharpie, and in clearer, more concise language than "recommended for ages 14+".

Thanks, Johns.

Todd, Tyler & Kayleigh Downing, Seattle

It's a Bird! It's a Plane!

It's BUSYMAN!

Sorry about the lack of posts this week. Been going full tilt on the homefront, getting some contract projects finished, blah blah blah.

Got back into a gym schedule. That's good of course. It's interesting to go back through my posts over the last couple years and see how many times I say "I gotta get back to the gym", and I do, but 4 months later I'm back to "I gotta get back to the gym". Oh well. It may be two steps forward, one step back, but at least it's generally forward motion.

Been developing a new film project which I'm not going to elaborate on until it's much farther along. It's the emotional opposite of Ordinary Angels.

Kayleigh's blue is almost completely gone. Alyssa said she would find a different, more long-lasting product and re-do it for free. So that's today. I'm also heading up to the Comic Stop this afternoon to say hi to Brian and be introduced to Gigi Edgley. There's collaboration, comic books and indie film projects involved, and that's all I can say at this point.

Tyler has TWO math classes this semester, his regular class plus MESA math. His class went to the Puyallup Fair yesterday, and he ended up walking home from school, which is a big step for us. He is maturing and growing at an alarming rate, and my grocery bill has skyrocketed. But that's what *I* was like at 13 (sorry Mom), and it means he should hit his initially estimated height of 6'2". I think he might even surpass that.

Anyway... I'll get caught up today and tomorrow and begin to elaborate more next week.

OA DVD FYI BYOB

Well, those of you who were waiting with baited breath for the release of Ordinary Angels on DVD have no longer to wait. It's available. So get that bait out of your mouth and go buy one already. Heh.

The new OA site is also just about live. You can go there now, but the CONTACT page is still being worked on. I'm actually just the media/director contact. Sally is the development contact.

Oh, and those of you who received an email from me regarding this: on the first three groups (everyone from A to N, I think), I included the wrong URL for my own film - how lame is that?

It's www.ordinaryangelsmovie.com. Please make a note of it - there will be a quiz later.

Creeping Into Fall

Sunny weekend in Seattle, but some breezes started coming in. You live in a place long enough and you can start to recognize the signs. Fall is just around the corner. The kids are back in school. Kayleigh is taller than her 5th grade teacher. Tyler has made a friend. I have high hopes for them this year.

Saturday was dominated by a rare and wonderful meeting of the D Constructed partners at my place for a combo festival postmortem/DVD release company party. Watched Forged and Zombie Love. Had lunch. After Sally & Justin left, Dan & I hammered out a basic site design for a whole new OA website. Should be done pretty soon. And the DVDs will be available from FilmBaby soon too! And Andrew Kenrick continues to make strides on the RPG.

Met my friend Mike for coffee this morning, then headed over to Staples to run some copies of the Ruby Slippers script. Got back in time to have a visit from Dennis Kleinsmith (aka Lucifer) from the OA cast. He picked up his copy of the DVD and a poster, and we chatted about projects. Dennis is all kinds of cool.

One of our leads for the play reading (the aforementioned Damn These Ruby Slippers) got stuck in Portland and was unable to get here. So thanks to Raff, we got a sweet and accommodating friend of his to read in her stead. In all honesty, the last time I'd heard it read aloud was in October 2004, when Sam organized and cast the reading. It's a lot more verbose and intellectual than the OA script, not that one can truly compare subject matter. Ruby Slippers was originally written in 1999, and I can see where I've really evolved as a playwright. Honestly, although I enjoyed the reading, hearing it aloud again kind of left me sour on it. I think it might be too dated... like the window for that particular play has passed. I dunno. Maybe it's because the play comes from a different place and time, a totally different guy - jeez, it's been almost a decade, y'know? A lot has happened since I first sat down with my friend Jordan and bounced ideas off each other. In fact, Jordan has pretty much exited our circle completely. And it seems kind of... un-epic... in comparison to my life the last few years. But there's ninja in it, and dream sequences, chair throwing and bondage gear. So it may not be a complete loss.

When it comes to original stage plays, there is currently little opportunity within Twelfth Night. They need to get specific grant funding for original works for it to make any sense financially. I'm supposed to direct something for them this season, and Deathtrap has been tossed around. Muriel is directing The Foreigner this fall, so I'm off the directorial hook until the spring (at least). In terms of original works in my own arsenal (when the time comes), I have a couple projects aside from Ruby Slippers.

I began writing Tragic Heroes shortly after Sam's cancer diagnosis, under the guise of putting a comedy out there to kind of do my part to lighten the mood. In reality, I just thought there was (and is) a shocking lack of costumed superheroes on the modern stage. Unfortunately by the time I'd gotten to finishing act I, Pixar's The Incredibles came out, so I had to go back to the drawing board on a lot of elements, and ended up shelving it indefinitely. Too bad - there's some decent shtick, and my favorite way to portray Aquaman (without it being the real Aquaman of course): as a drunk.

Vampyre Genesis is about the "haunted summer" of 1816, when Lord Byron, Percy & Mary Shelley, Claire Claremont and Dr. John Polidori congregated at a Swiss villa, took lots of opiates and held their famous contest to see which of them could write the scariest story. It was the summer that produced Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, or The Modern Prometheus. But the lesser-known work to emerge was Polidori's The Vampyre, arguably the first of the modern, romantic vampire tales, which Bram Stoker would raid liberally for his Dracula a generation later. I used a lot of contemporary literature and Polidori's own journals, which seem to indicate a lot more competition with Bryon than Byron would have ever acknowledged. There is also some question as to whether or not Byron's child by Claire was actually his and not possibly Polidori's. In pouring over all of the writings and histories, it became clear to me that the major inspiration for Polidori's character of Lord Ruthven (pronounced "RIV-ven") was Lord Byron himself, so the concept of the stage play formed around act I being the historical set-up, the actual "haunted summer" (or rather a liberally dramatized and condensed version), and act II would be an adaptation of The Vampyre, with Byron, Shelly, Mary, Claire and Polidori portraying the roles that were inspired by them. Sort of a play-within-a-play, kinda... maybe.

In any case, the technical requirements are somewhat beyond Twelfth Night's abilities in terms of an off-season show, and I'd need actors who were REALLY good at accents and could pull off Regency-era dialogue and make reciting Coleridge sound interesting.

Anyway... there's always improv.

Okay So A Few Things...

The kids are back to school finally. I think Tyler is going to do well at his new middle school this year - next year he's off to HIGH SCHOOL! Yikes! He's been doing fairly well without his meds, sleeping and growing like a weed. Kayleigh is now taller than her 5th grade teacher... and there's something else different about her - read on.

So here are a few bits and pieces of catch-up from the last week or so...










The marble entry of the Grand Hyatt in Buckhead (Atlanta, GA).










Nicholas Cage and me - we're like THAT. (Photo by Todd Lubitsch)










We have a new family-operated pizzaria here in Westwood - they do custom slices.










Oh yeah - Kayleigh had her hair dyed blue in front. Alyssa, who did hair and makeup on Ordinary Angels, works at Salon Fauntleroy in West Seattle, and does the family hairs. This was her work, and I must say it looks cool. Having been a teenager in the '80s, I'm no stranger to brightly colored hair, so this is really low on my list of parental battles. She wanted streaks throughout, but we compromised (with Alyssa's help) on the front streaks. The strong blue really makes her eyes pop. So far everyone at school loves it. Her teacher says she will probably start a trend.













Sam used to have a blonde streak in front when she was 18 or 19.

OA got a nice nod from this film connoisseur, who saw the premiere in Atlanta. Scroll down to his writeups and look for 'O'. Thanks, man!

DVDs will be available in a few days from FilmBaby. Watch this space!

New Angels Trailer

I finally did a new (shorter) OA trailer...

Hey Laughing Boy - No Mo Buwwets!

• I've now been awake for almost 20 hours. Had a quiet breakfast pastry, banana and OJ in the cafe at the Hilton where the main con entrance is, killed some time until the local Starbucks opened at 8:30AM (that's right, on Sunday the Starbucks opens at 8:30).
• It appears that Atlanta's indigent, transient and mentally-ill-but-released-and-still-wearing-the-hospital-bracelet population all come out in the mornings. I saw guys combing through garbage cans for their breakfasts, all the while holding very intense conversations with nobody in particular. It was just a bit freaky.
• I did slip a couple Washingtons to the dude setting out the chairs and sweeping in front of the Starbucks - apparently he's had cancer treatment, and is trying to work his way out of medical debt. Whether that's true or not, the fact was that he was working, and I wanted to encourage that. Besides, he let me in the SB before they were technically open.

• With some caffeine in me and a sandwich procured for later (thinking ahead), I went to the sci-fi film block in the screening room. A lot of them had to do with toxic environments and folks wearing gas masks or environmental helmets.
• Ambassadors Day was very unique and I thought well done.
• The German film Deus-in-Machina blew me AWAY. Incredible effects work and a really original and intelligent plot.
• Sat in on a panel on legal issues in independent film. It focused mostly on copyright, trademark, product placement, music licensing and the fair use defense. Valuable stuff there (although I was already well ahead of the curve on most of it).
• Sat with Kely McClung of Blood Ties and the previously mentioned David No for most of the blocks. What a great couple of guys. Kely's girlfriend (?) Amanda is super nice and really funny.
• The comedy block that followed had some pretty great material.
• Enter the Grasshopper runs like a fantasy sequence out of Ned's Declassified, with great production value and a fun premise.
• Monster Job Hunter - funny and gross and cathartic. Especially if you play 1st person shooters.
  
• 07, once again, hilarious parody of 24.
  
• Todd Lubitsch's Blood of the Cross was shown in its official capacity in this block. That was fun to see again.
• Had to stick around for another screening of Zombie Love. I managed to get a copy from director Yfke (pronounced EEF-kuh, as I understand). Gave her a copy of OA.
• I will definitely be showing all of these film trades to my cronies back in Seattle.
• Went to dinner with David, Kely & Amanda. Todd L. showed up and the two of us went for drinks while the other three went to David's millionth screening of Forged - that was a huge hit at the con. It played on the Indie Film Festival track, the Apocalyptic cinema track and the Silk Road (Asian cinema) track. Nice reception for David in the States.
• I had several people come up to me today and say how much they enjoyed Ordinary Angels from it's premiere screening. Wow!
• Now I'm making the truly last post before I return home tomorrow.
• It was a really great festival/convention. I made some good contacts, not just in a professional capacity, but in a way which I think is rooted in mutual respect and admiration for one another's work - perhaps even friendship. People who are in visual media for the right reasons and who are just plain Good Folks (TM).

Bullets Over Atlanta, part III

This may be my last post from Dragon*Con. I fly home tomorrow.

• It's 4:12AM Atlanta time, 1:12AM Seattle time. I don't know why I can't sleep, seeing as how I'm finally used to the hotel bed.
• Ordinary Angels had it's official premiere at Dragon*Con yesterday, closing out the afternoon fantasy block. It was well-received, and if the screening block hadn't been delayed and run long due to some small technical issues, there would have been more time for Q&A. The interest was definitely there.
• The fantasy block was ideally timed to coincide with the exodus from the main ballroom across the hall, ensuring we had a packed house of walk-in traffic.
• I got interest from some roleplayers, which could bode well for Andrew Kenrick's licensed OA RPG.
  
• Talked at length with Ron Lehman, director of Jakob and the Angels, a darkly funny short about a man who must call exterminators because his attic has become infested with angels and their constant singing of celestial hosannas are driving him nuts.
• Vanished Acres, Blue Dreams Downtown, Alien For Christmas, Art's Desire, Tunnel Vision, Whale, and Clicker Clatter all stood out to me in some way.
• Talked more with David No, writer-director of Forged. Got a copy of his film. Watched a panel on international filmmaking with David, another Aussie and two Canadians. It was the Commonwealth Show.
• Watched a block of very good animated shorts. Talked with the animators. Some guys who'd worked on Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Squidbilly (and had this short and this short to offer), and Randall Christopher, a cartoonist from San Diego whose comic book and short film, Kleeman and Mike, is very entertaining.
• When the World Goes Dark, a student animated short, also stood out.
• I saw a wookiee walking down the street in Peachtree Center. To even ponder putting on a 50lb fur suit and full head mask in Atlanta in high summer... zoinks, Scoob. That's dedication to one's hobby.
• Oh yeah. Some guy actually donned a top-notch C-3PO costume and had a buddy running a full-scale remote-controlled R2-D2. Check it.
  
• Stormtrooper Elvis was funny. Use your imagination. Better yet, here's a pic.
  
• Saw classic Aquaman sitting in the hotel bar. I wish I thought to get a photo, because I've always taken great delight in lampooning the King of Atlantis by placing him in tavern-ish settings.
• Had a good dinner at the same brew pub as when I first arrived. This time had the brown ale - that was better than their stout. I still like Northwest micros better overall. Just about every food is either really sweet or really salty.
• Atlanta smells like pee. Seriously. Maybe I'm so used to living in cities with decent offshore breezes. Not only downtown Atlanta, but upscale Buckhead, where they are building a friggin' arcology of $1,000,000.00+ condos a block from my hotel. I kid you not. Smells of urine. The folks are plenty friendly, but between the climate and the pee smell, I could never live here.
• Wind came in and cooled everything off late yesterday. Unfortunately it just moved the pee smell around.
• This morning I'm going to go see the Sci-Fi film block at 9AM, then figure out the rest of my day. What could there possibly be to do at the largest sci-fi/fantasy convention in the US?

Bullets Over Atlanta, part II

• Dragon*Con really does have 30,000 people. Crazy. Many of them are in costume. Many of THOSE are really really GOOD costumes. I was so tired and in such a surreal state yesterday that I didn't shoot any phone pics - no matter, because next week the Interwebs will be full of pics of better quality than my phone can take.
• There were many Star Wars stormtroopers. Apparently last year they had over 300 in the street parade. That's 300 stormtroopers, not counting all the other costumed folks. Oddly enough I didn't start seeing ANY until after I'd seen a dozen or more Jedi and even some A New Hope era Rebel Navy soldiers (the guys in the original 1977 Star Wars movie who get all shot up by stormtroopers at the beginning of the film).
• A whole lot of pirates too.
  
• Some great obscure comic book and literary characters. A couple came as Zan & Jayna, the Wonder Twins - great purple lycra costumes. Saw Alice and the Mad Hatter separately. Roman soldiers and Spartans galore - thanks to Rome and 300. Also many many Resident Evil characters and Stargate soldiers. Go figure.
  
• I made it through registration in about half an hour, with the only hiccup that the film festival registrations weren't showing up in the printed label books, but were in the computer. A few minutes in a short fix-it line was all it took.
• Most of the film blocks are being shown in the Education Center right across from the main ballroom(s) where the big attractions are, which means we're getting LOTS of traffic into the festival.
• At the orientation/introduction meeting, I met several of the other filmmakers. We were given a ribbon to attach to our registration badge that designated us part of the film track.
• The ribbon is pink.
• Saw some really good animation and some really good comedy shorts. The parody of 24 was especially good, and Todd Lubitsch's Blood of the Cross (a comedy) is a skewering of both bad filmmaking and pretentious art all at once.
• Gordon Michael Wolvett from Andromeda showed his directorial debut in the form of Fracture, a pretty tightly executed psychodrama using production resources and personnel from the Andromeda show.
• Zombie Love is hilarious and well done. I haven't seen the stage production of Evil Dead: The Musical, but the concept is somewhat similar. Zombie Love, you might assume, is a zombie movie with musical numbers, in this case straight up Andrew Lloyd Weber. Brilliantly executed by some CalArts students (who were also a lot of fun to talk to).
• Befriended the aforementioned Todd Lubitsch (we Todds have to stick together - I'm one of THREE at this festival). We hung out and grabbed some dinner at the food court. I was going to head back to the hotel as I was really tired, but he mentioned there was a panel on indie film with guest speaker the legendary Lloyd Kaufman of Troma Entertainment. Most folks I say that to scratch their heads, but then I say, "the company that made The Toxic Avenger," and there is the light of recognition. Troma really became a champion of indie film in the 1980s during all the corporate media consolidation, but they've actually been around since the 1960s, quietly cranking out low-budget films from sci-fi to horror to soft-core jiggle comedy.
• Lloyd Kaufman is a character. He was very entertaining, held no opinions back, and had a lot of inspiring things to say about being a filmmaker in the age of media conglomerates.
• We were about to leave, when I realized I had an opportunity here. I went and shook Lloyd's hand, complimenting his "performance" at the panel, and handed him a copy of OA, which he genuinely accepted with pleasure. He asked if I was looking for distribution, and I mentioned wanting to do a feature version. He then asked if I would consider submitting OA to Tromadance '08, to which I replied, "hell yes."
• Tromadance is Lloyd's answer to the commercialization of the Sundance festival, and aforementioned media conglomerates' usurpation of same. It takes place in Park City, Utah (the location of Sundance) exactly DURING the Sundance festival. The point is to shame the major festival into actually walking its talk, instead of remaining an elitist, corporately-controlled culture factory. It's all sorts of old skool subversive. There is no entry fee, and no fee to screen the films. I'm so going there if OA gets in. And heck, Lloyd's got a copy of the DVD to preview.
• Rode the MARTA train back to Buckhead and chatted with Todd. Odd coincidence that we were both staying in the same out-of-town two-block area. Slept well.
• Ordinary Angels premieres today, closing out the the 1PM film block of fantasy.
• Here we go.

Bullets Over Atlanta, part I

• The Alaska Airlines partner for the Seattle-Atlanta flight was Delta, of course. The service was okay, but the seat in front of mine was broken and made my already inadequate legroom more cramped. The in-flight movie was The Flying Scotsman with Jonny Lee Miller (Byron, Trainspotting), which was good.
• Airlines have given up providing anything more than carb-laden snacks, so by the time I reached Atlanta, I hadn't eaten anything but water and two meager airline snacks all day. I checked into my hotel (the swank Grand Hyatt Buckhead) and immediately found the local brewpub. Fortunately they were still serving. Had some chicken and sampled their house stout, which was not bad.
• Northwest micros are still better, so far, but I haven't had much local beer... yet. More field testing is definitely in order.
  
• There's a lot of marketing noise about how great the service is in Atlanta. It's definitely true of the hospitality folks, but the servers in the pub were inattentive and not particularly friendly.
• The shuttle driver was very friendly, very knowledgeable, and had that awful driving style where you step on the accelerator in jerky motions to keep your vehicle exactly 10-feet behind the car in front of you at all times.
• The room at the Grand Hyatt is nice. Clean, no "this-used-to-be-a-smoking-room" odor, nice bathroom, nice art, lots of soft pillows, lots of soft towels. If I drink the bottle of Evian water left on my nightstand, it'll cost me $7 at checkout. NOTHING here is complimentary. I'm paying extra for wi-fi, whereas that is a freebie in many hotel chains, especially hotels targeted at business travelers. Not even the local coffee house (which I haven't yet sampled) provides free wi-fi. I guess I'm spoiled by the free wi-fi so common in Seattle and the Northwest.
• The temps aren't as bad as I expected. It's in the mid-80s, but the humidity is higher than I experienced in Greece, in the Virgin Islands, and in Indianapolis in high summer. Breathing fishtank water would be one analogy. But thank heavens the heat is bearable under it.
  
• The light rail to Peachtree Center is a block from the hotel. I'll be heading out in a bit.

The Lost City of Atlanta

Short post tonight. I'm all packed and ready for Dragon*Con. The Ordinary Angels DVDs arrived today (2 days early - can't praise the quality and service of DiscMakers enough!), and they are beautiful. The on-disc printing and the jacket and insert look amazing. Posters arrive next week after I'm back. I will post a big announcement when we're all set up on FilmBaby and anyone who's interested can order a copy.

Kayleigh doesn't want me to go, of course. It's only 2 days since they've been home. Fortunately, Uncle Gavin, Aunt Michelle, Aunt Sara, Grandma Kit and cousin Zadra will all be staying and/or rotating through - so they will have plenty of supervision and family companionship! I tried to tell K that a lot of dads travel far more than I do for their work, and I'll only be gone 3 days and a few hours (and promised to bring her back something from the convention). Some personal emails will also help.

I will check in often from the convention/festival and let you know of any interesting developments... but now, to bed.

Anon.

Ordinary Angels Wins an Accolade Award

I just received notice in the mail that Ordinary Angels has received an Honorable Mention in the 2007 Accolade Competition. Considering the entries come from all levels of the entertainment industry (AFI and ESPN were among the winners), I'll take that as a compliment!

I should mention that about half the Honorable Mention winners are currently not showing up on the Accolade listings for 2007, but maybe things are still being added. I swear I really got a mailed official notification with Despot Pictures, Ordinary Angels (independent) clearly listed under Honorable Mention, Film - and a letter of congratulations, a fill-in-the-blanks-press-release (which I may or may not use) and it was all sealed with a gold foil Accolade Winner label. I'll maybe give 'em a shout next week and try to figure out what's what. In the meantime, I'd like to thank the Academy... har har.

UPDATE: it's listed now. Scroll down to Despot Pictures. Huzzah!

Been getting a lot of work done while the kids are in CA. It was tough, putting them on the plane without me, but they need this trip and I need the quiet time. I've agreed to direct a play for Twelfth Night sometime in '08, but I won't say more until it's firmed up.

I got the home visit from Tyler's new principal and one of the guidance counselors, which was great - I'm super excited that he will have a supportive environment with clear parameters and expectations.

Saw Stardust with Ron last night. I enjoyed it in a Princess Bride (only not as self-aware) sort of way, and only really had problems with the way Robert DeNiro's character was portrayed. Okay, fine. The character is gay. Okay - he's reeeaaaallly gay. Alright, WE GET IT ALREADY - he's BIRDCAGE-level-gay-as-Christmas-morning, quit hitting me with the two-by-four! Just replace [gay] with [any ethnic stereotype] and I bet they wouldn't have gone so far over the top. Other than that, it was pretty cool. Great production design, and any story with an airship gets my vote.

It's raining, and I have my Netflix and a light supper to look forward to. Hasta.

Oklahoma Run

Sorry, not a Burt Reynolds wacky racing movie, but our lives all last week. The first weekend of our run of Oklahoma! was quite good, with moderately-sized audiences. Friday's show was better than opening night, Saturday's was better still, and Sunday's was just about spot-on (or as spot-on as live theater gets). Enter the 5-day break and when everyone reassembled this last Wednesday for the brush-up rehearsal, things were a bit crazy. Crazy with shtick. Crazy with overconfidence.

Photo © Copyright Ron Dugdale Photography 2007

While confidence is good, overconfidence is not - and I think it showed on Thursday's performance (with which the cast and crew will agree). Last night, however, it was ON. The actors were on. Tech was on. The house was packed, and they were full of energy. The orchestra, which is awesome anyway, was even more awesomer. And yes, that's a real word, because it needs to describe how friggin' awesome the orchestra was. All the crucial cues were hit dead-on, the singing and dancing was top-notch. Standing ovation. It's nights like THAT which make community theater worthwhile - it surpassed some professional shows I've seen. Not just equaled. Surpassed.

So tonight the show closes. Tomorrow is a cast & crew BBQ where we have the annual SPAM awards (or "SPAMMIES", as they've become known), where a bunch of traditionally silly prizes are awarded to folks who did stuff. Most of the prizes feature canned meat products. The big one is actually an engraved trophy, The Samantha Downing Memorial Grand SPAM Award. She was the first one to win the thing, and the year we were in Bye Bye Birdie together, I won it. And I've been honored to give the award every year since Sam died. The names on the trophy are this amazing continuity of time, place and person. Kayleigh has decided to take a pass on the cast party, instead hanging with her brother, uncle and aunt in their Star Wars 30th Anniversary "Project Red-Eye", where they have friends over like a Superbowl party and watch all six Star Wars movies in chronological order. The kids are under specific instructions to bring other amusements in case they get bored.

On Tuesday, I will put them on a plane for California and bite my nails anxiously as they take off for a week with Sam's folks. First time traveling without a parent. I'm just a tad nervous. But I will have a mini vacation, in that the house will be really really quiet for a week, and then two days after they get back, I head off to Atlanta for the Ordinary Angels premiere.

My mom went with some friends up to Canada last night to see this guy. First time she'd been to a stadium concert in many years (was it Tom Jones?). Apparently they had their tickets upgraded to fill a section closer in, so she got a really great show!

In other news, the Ordinary Angels DVDs are at the manufacturer and should be arriving at my house about the same time I leave for Atlanta. I'm requesting they overnight a few so I can take 'em along to Dragon*Con. Dan did a great job assembling my menu art and Chris Clement's music clip into a real DVD menu. It looks good!

In still other news, Brian Chase gave me the mastered tracks for the And Tears Fell Requiem CD. Our 20 year-old music rerecorded and reborn. It sounds better than it ever has before, and I wept the first tears in a long while as I drove home from Brian's with my car stereo blasting. Especially "Sometimes", with Caleb's spoken word performance at the end. There are four tracks available to preview over at our MySpace page. I recommend "Tapestry" and "Sometimes". Enjoy.

It feels good to check these long-term projects off the list, y'know?

Finally, introducing our newest family member, Elvis Catsley.

Hell Week Cometh

Sorry for not posting at all since Saturday. This week was production week (or, traditionally, "hell week") on Oklahoma!, and as a stage parent and active member of Twelfth Night, I was there every night: helping balance the sound, helping build the set, running errands, watching Kayleigh follow in her mom's footsteps... you know, the usual stuff.

The show is shaping up nicely. The orchestra sounds great and we have the strongest crop of voices I think the organization has ever had all at once. We've got about a dozen miked actors, thanks to the EIGHT additional wireless mics the organization recently purchased. There is a working windmill (made from a heavily modified ceiling fan), a shingled farmhouse, and over thirty actors singing, dancing and fighting. I've done very little professional theater, but I've done community theater where the quality improved when actors and techs were paid. And even though nobody is getting paid, this is still some of the best community theater I've ever seen, much less been involved with. Sam made a good call when she threw in with this little arts organization, with their summer show staged in a church sanctuary. Now, as we enter our 13th season, even though the changes and improvements to our production values are obvious, the same homegrown community spirit pervades.

I'm hoping to post some photos that Ron (as the official photographer) took during the last 2 dress rehearsals.

Opening night tonight - good show, Kayleigh & cast! You can say "good show", btw. THAT isn't bad luck. :)

OA Box Art

Dan has the Ordinary Angels DVD ready to go - I just need to test it out. I spent a lot of today getting the box insert art done, and the Oklahoma! program burned to CD-ROM for the printer, and the load-in done at the theater, and taking the dog to the groomer, and then watching 300 in my mini movie theater at home with a couple friends and some beers.

300. Dang, that's a pretty movie, even as brutally violent as it is. There's something elegant and classical about it. It's just gorgeous. A friend of Raff's coined the term gore-nography to describe beautiful yet violent movies like 300 (or Pathfinder, another recent DVD release, which, despite a weak script, is another bloody gorgeous - and gorgeous bloody - film).

OA Finds a NiCHE

Ordinary Angels was just selected for the NiCHE Film & Music Festival in Portland, OR, August 16-19. I'm working on the DVD box art right now, and Dan should be wrapping up the DVD mastering by the end of the week.

Whenever I work on computer graphics and layout for long stretches, I put these guys on heavy rotation. Thanks for forcing me to purchase Vegas over seven years ago, Steve. Life and work would not be the same without The Crystal Method.

Stupid Busy

What the subject line says, folks.

Over the past few days, I have:

• Finished the opening cast DVD for last year's musical
• Rendered the last problem bit for the Ordinary Angels commercial DVD
• Spoken to my rep at DiscMakers
• Gotten most of the Oklahoma! program laid out
• Sent out another three OA screeners
• Received three copies of the Full Life Crisis CD, for which I did the art
• Gone into Brian's studio to mix the And Tears Fell tribute CD (we are ever so close now)
• Cleaned out my car
• Done actual laundry and dishes
• Showed the kids Garden State and Saved!, and watched The Forgotten with Julianne Moore and Gary Sinese... meh.
• Booked my trip to Atlanta for the OA premiere
• Added entire sections of gear to my cafepress shop (Ordinary Angels swag, and Mangled Melon Music swag)
• Taken the kids to The Simpsons Movie (we loved it)
• Cleared the brush buildup around the trunk of our giant locust tree and pruned the suckers back
• Helped the kids pick a bunch of blackberries from our very own yard and made a pie that came out great
• Taken Kayleigh to rehearsal several times
  
• Not fallen into a psychotic rage or a catatonic daze
  

Go, me!

Ordinary Angels Gets the Rotten Tomatoes Treatment

No, it's good.

In fact, it's REALLY good. Check out this review on Rotten Tomatoes. A score of 9 out of 10, and great comments like:

"It's the sort of serious, quiet movie that succeeds due to the quality of its script, the steady hand of its director, and the strength of the featured actors."

"The script is to the point and features well-crafted dialogue that gives each character a unique voice. In fact, it's been a while since I've seen an independent production with dialogue so finely written. "

And...

"Downing (who also wrote the script) handles the direction expertly."

I have to thank Steve Miller for his very flattering review! In the interest of full disclosure, Mr. Miller and I are on a publishing industry mailing list aimed at the RPG biz, and when I announced the premiere of OA at Dragon*Con, he approached me about getting a screening copy for a Rotten Tomatoes review. I've seen some of his work within the RPG industry, but don't know him outside of that.

That's a really good start!

Flashback

I was running errands alone today, and so was cranking up the '80s alternative mix CDs, as is my wont. And I was struck by how these songs still give me shivers.

Big Country - Big Country
Anthemic Scottish rockers who made their guitars sound like friggin' bagpipes. Ireland had U2, Wales had The Alarm, England had New Model Army, Scotland had Big Country.

Psychedelic Furs - Heaven
Among the best of the BritWave invasion of the early '80s, at the top of their game.

Echo & The Bunnymen - Under a Killing Moon
Watching Donnie Darko gave me a new appreciation for this song.

Tears For Fears - Mad World
Great song, despite Roland's spasmodic solo dance...

Howard Jones - What is Love?
One of a bazillion radio hits from his debut album.

The Cult - She Sells Sanctuary
This just rocks.

Dog Days of Summer

This is going to end up being more of a "bullet" style entry, a la David Beach. Enjoy.

• Had a wonderful lunch at Pegasus on Alki with my uncle Russell and aunt Kendra, my dad's two remaining siblings. My brother and SIL joined us as well. We are all great with child (or at least full of really good Greco-Italian-American food).
• The house across the street from us was sold to yet another single woman in her thirties - I think it must be a city ordinance I don't know about.
• Kayleigh is done with summer music. Now it's all Twelfth Night/Oklahoma, all the time.
• I will book my flight to Atlanta tomorrow.
• The kids campaigned for a cat today. I don't like having to tell them "no", but I did reason with them about the costs and responsibilities associated with pet ownership, and they finally understood that when they don't follow through with their responsibilities re: the current pets, the one left "scooping the poop" is dear ol' dad.
• Finished watching season 2 of Ricky Gervais' Extras. Brilliant.
• Took the kids to the latest Harry Potter movie. Really dark and violent in comparison to previous films, but proportionately cool as well. Not too much for Kayleigh to handle, and totally engaging for Tyler. And me for that matter.
• Speaking of Harry Potter, we just couldn't be one of the 17 families in the UNIVERSE who didn't have a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. 50% off at B&N, Kayleigh got dibs. She's plowing through it though, and I'll have my hands on it soon.
  
• I'm finally getting the Once Upon a Mattress DVDs edited.
• No new festival responses for OA.
• Conor gave me the raw tracks for Good Night My Love, and I did a preliminary mix. Yes, I'm an old skool Cocteau Twins fan, and I do love chorus on an acoustic guitar. While you're there, you can check out the new rough mixes of Tapestry and Demons. That's yours truly on guitars, Mike Berg on bass, Steven Fox on drums, and Muriel Montgomery's lovely pipes. Producer Brian Chase lends his power chords on the Demons chorus.
  

Emma Grace Alpern

My friend Dave Alpern, a writer and columnist at GamerDad.com, is now a father times three. Emma Grace Alpern was born to Dave & Carla Alpern just a couple days ago (I don't see any of the dates, times or vitals in his column, but it was real damn recent).

Congratulations, Alperns!

Oh, and Grace is an awesome middle name (says the father of Kayleigh Grace Downing). Nicely done!

Moving Right Along...

It's been pouring warm, tropical rain here in Seattle. We get several systems off the Pacific (mostly coming up from Hawaii) every year, which is actually nice - cleans the air, keeps all our green from drying up and becoming a fire hazard. This time, it seems like the temperatures have remained the same as when it's not raining. That's a weird sensation for me, to walk outside during a downpour and actually be sweating as well.

Had a nice impromptu family reunion when my aunt, uncle and his wife flew into town on Thursday. We found ourselves at Salty's on Alki with my mom & stepdad (on their way back from Oregon with a desk in the back of a rented SUV), sister (in town visiting her boyfriend), niece (in town visiting my stepmom), stepmom (who lives here in town), brother and his wife (who live here in town), the aforementioned out-of-state relations, and my brood. It was a terrific get together, with excellent food and great conversation. Found myself missing my dad during that lunch - he would have loved it. Afterward, many folks came back to the house and I screened Ordinary Angels for them. Because they are family, and knew Sam (and loved her immensely), the deathbed scene was particularly heavy for me to watch this time. Any other time, I can watch without effect. But this time, as I stood next to where my sister was seated, she reached up and squeezed my hand - both of us letting loose with some waterworks.

Speaking of OA, the festival submission picture currently looks like this:

Seattle International Film Festival - Declined (incomplete rough cut submitted)
Gen Con Film Festival, Indianapolis - Sneak Preview
Dragon*Con Independent Film Festival, Atlanta - US Premiere
Accolade, La Jolla - Registered
International Horror & SciFi Film Festival, Phoenix - Submitted
Toronto After Dark - Submitted
Eugene International Film Festival - Submitted
SoCal Independent Film Festival, Huntington Beach - Submitted
Orlando Film Festival - Submitted
NICHE Film & Music Festival, Portland - Submitted
Hell's Half Mile Film & Music Festival, Bay City - Submitted
Santa Cruz Film Festival - Submitted

I received a visit yesterday from Natasha Sims, the actress who played Eloa in my film. She was getting some footage for her reel, and mentioned that she would try to fly down to some festivals to support the project, which I think is A#1 cool. Then I took Kayleigh up to Mill Creek, where two of my partners in D Constructed Media have just opened their accounting firm (I think between the four DCM partners, there are six different companies). It was a nice grand opening, with a really good buffet, and I got a chance to chat with Sally, Justin, Dan and his wife Valentina in a purely casual context, which was really great. I won't deny there has been some friction in the "boardroom", mostly in the form of our intentions for the production company. Dan & Sally are very driven toward a working commercial model, which I fully support, but have no spare time to participate in, between long-form projects like OA and Life 2.0, my publishing company and my civic/charity commitments. So we are leaving D Constructed Media as the long-form entity, and splitting off a separate entity for commercial and work-for-hire gigs. That one accommodation makes them the best partners "evar".

We met my theater buddy Raff back at the house and watched Reefer Madness - The Musical (OMG hilairous!), and then he watched some of the Jeanne interview footage from last week while Kayleigh watched Peter Gabriel videos - did I mention my daughter has phenomenally good musical taste?

J and I have tied things up pretty neatly. There was some brief venom on both sides, and it made me realize how vastly different we actually are. It's not a question of remaining friends; rather I think we need to start that part over, due to some patterns both of us have in relationships that (for me) would preclude the romantic relationship from evolving (or devolving) into a platonic relationship. So, after being "off to the races" as I wrote previously, now it's back to the starting blocks. And a totally different race.

It's at times like these when I crave the familiar. I knew that as bad as anything ever got with Sam, we were in it for the long haul and would iron everything out as we came to it. That's the connection I really miss - the comfort during the conflict; knowing I was safe to speak my mind and my partner would not take offense because she knew I spoke out of love and solid commitment (because if I didn't, that meant I didn't care), and that she had the same right to speak her mind without my offense. Sam & I knew how to argue productively. Yeah, sometimes it got heated and passionate, but we never judged or disrespected each other, we always listened, and we always got to the root of the issue. In over 20 years together, I only went to bed angry a few times (during our marital difficulties around 2000, and that was my deal, not hers). My goal in my future relationship is ZERO times. :)

Carrie & The Loons

I took the kids to the West Seattle Street Fair today for two very specific reasons. Playing consecutive sets at the south stage were two of my favorite Seattle bands: Two Loons For Tea and Carrie Akre.

I took my camera and shot a little of this, and a little of that.

Also wanted to make special note of Stoned Guy, who danced his Jig of Altered Consciousness in front of the stage right speaker stack all day.

We got home in time for a quick dinner before Kayleigh had to be at rehearsal, and then I rendered a couple videos from today's shooting.

Speaking of shooting, I got my first interview on Saturday - for my documentary on widowhood and starting over. Jeanne was in my Gilda's group, and was incredibly forthcoming and candid regarding her experiences. I think I got some good stuff.

A quick appearance at my friend Sharon's get-together (Sharon is another Gilda's friend, who lost her brother the same weekend Sam died), and then it was up to Ballard for swimming and dinner. A full weekend, to be sure!

Ordinary Angels Premiere

I just got the email yesterday - Ordinary Angels has been accepted into the Dragon*Con Independent Film Festival, which is a part of Dragon*Con, which is the largest general sci-fi/fantasy convention in the country. Attendance usually tops 30,000. Since this festival is August 31 - September 3, I guess it would constitute a premiere, so I'm checking into flights.

Atlanta in late August... mmmm. Sweaty.

This is the first response to my first flurry of submissions. Let's hope it's the first acceptance of many!

And That's That.

J and I called it quits today. Well she did anyway... I was more trying to figure out what the heck was going on and reacting to a lot of perceived chaos. I definitely see the wisdom in not continuing any longer, and I'm not trying to vilify J in any way. My heart is breaking, but I know the experience will serve me well in the long run. There's a lot of fallout to process. Apologies in advance if I don't post right away, or if my next posts are incredibly "emo" and introspective. Feeling pretty wounded at the moment.

Precipice

Lest anyone who reads my kids' blog posts think they are a couple of foul-mouthed sailors, I should tell you that they really do know the difference between hearing a word (or seeing it in print) and saying it in normal conversation. They are incredibly intelligent, and they know what the words in question mean, but they know we don't say them in everyday conversation. They also think it's hilarious to "bleep" themselves when they are being silly.

So, update-wise, Kayleigh finished her 1st week of summer music instruction at West Seattle High. She's doing so well on the clarinet! I was ready to burst with pride as I watched their mini-concert after class yesterday. Which reminds me - I need to get her some reeds.

We had some friends over (an actress from OA and her husband) last night for pizza, wine & movies. It was a much needed respite after a particularly brain-shaking argument with J. That was a surreal experience, to be sure. I won't go into detail in this medium, but I mention it because it's a pretty important occurrence in the grand scheme of things. These things happen; we're working on it. I think it seems more surreal because it's the kind of argument most couples would have several months into a relationship, not 5 weeks.

Tyler is rotating back to a mostly diurnal schedule, which is good. He's been cooking a lot of food and it has been a challenge to keep on him to clean up after his cooking projects. He's taken a fitted sheet and made a tent for his loft (with a TV and Xbox), which is really cool. I remember having "nests" like that when I was younger. A safe place to go and weather the storms of puberty.

Kayleigh had a slight meltdown last night, in the form of missing Sam. These come occasionally to all three of us, but they grow fewer and farther between with each passing month or year. I did what I always do - hold her and let her know I understand her feelings, and let her cry it out.

J and I talked late on the phone, trying to process things. But her phone had trouble finding a signal, so we were forced to end the conversation without closure, which is frustrating. Because of the precarious footing I feel in my new relationship, on top of Kayleigh's crisis, I didn't sleep all that well. Had a disturbing dream about Tyler (the content of which still needs to be processed), which woke me at 3:30AM and made it imperative to go directly to his room and give him a huge hug, tell him how much I love him.

I have a day planned with old friends, and hopefully J and I can make contact later.

Road Trip for Three

You might remember back in May, I posted about attending JD's wedding on Whidbey Island. Here's a photo I obtained of JD himself, Steve, a gym buddy whose name I completely spaced (sorry!) and yours truly. It's a nice shot, I think.

This last weekend flew by. Movie night consisted of Benchwarmers with the kids before J arrived and we watched the Fox production of Robin Hood with Patrick Bergin and Uma Thurman (I've always loved this very underrated version).

Saturday was a work day for moi, while Tyler's best friend Miles (they've been tight since kindergarten) came over to hang out. Tyler seems to be having all the symptoms of adolescence at once: he's gone pretty much nocturnal, sleeping 12 hours a day, eating everything in sight, growing out of his clothes like a pissed off Incredible Hulk, breaking out on his face, and his voice seemed to drop an entire octave overnight. My goal through this process is to be available for him if needed, but to really let him have his teenager space and privacy - it's an uncomfortable change!

On Sunday, Kayleigh, J and I drove up to Bellingham on the premise of attending my niece's birthday party (the kids and I had already been up for her real birthday two weeks ago), but it was really to have J meet the rest of my Washington clan. It was great - singing in the car all the way up, partying with a bunch of 10 year-olds, chatting with my mom, stepdad, sister, niece and a bunch of their friends, then going out to dinner at this nice Thai place with my grandparents. The best thing ever occurred when J had excused herself for a trip to the restroom, and my grandfather (who will be 91 in November) looked down the table at me and gave a big "OK" sign.

Kayleigh slept in the back seat most of the way home, and J and I had a nice chat. That's the stuff I miss about being in a relationship - the mundane stuff. We arrived home and J met my neighbor Darlene and her boyfriend James, and ended up hanging out at the house with the kids, my brother and his wife (and me). We watched The Sandlot, drank a beer, J and Gavin had a brief pillow fight with the sofa throw pillows, then everyone went home. I put the kids to bed, and J and I said goodnight. She had to be up early today to take her little sister to the hospital for surgery.

It was a really good day. Now a new week begins and Kayleigh starts clarinet lessons... here we go!

Very Happy

Sorry for the lack of posting recently. I do try to get in a post a week, just to touch base and kind of download from my brainpan. I've been distracted by the end of school for the kids (and all that brings with it), summer plans, getting Ordinary Angels out to the festivals (fingers crossed), D Constructed work, Finishing up the DVDs from last year's musical, and of course, the girl.

J and I are having a great time discovering this deep compatibility we share. She loves the kids and they love her. It's amazing to the point of making me misty, how she has this innate ability to draw Tyler out of his shell and engage him in a social/family context. Of course Kayleigh is attached to her every time she comes over. J honors and respects my history with Sam, and we've really agreed this is not about "replacement", no matter how far it goes. There are definitely elements of J's personality and look that resemble Sam's, but those are elements I found attractive before I ever met Sam. And I say that having dated across the spectrum of body types, hair colors and personalities last year. Sam & J would have definitely been friends, I can say that much with certainty.

And there the comparisons end. It would not do either woman justice and as I said, it's not about "replacement".

It's comfortable. It's familiar. It's easy. It's fulfilling, It's amazing. And it's totally different from my prior experience.

It's just really good. And I'm having a blast discovering exactly how good.

Happy Father's Day

Sorry for the sporadic posting. The past week has been full of Randy's visit, loads of driving around, movies, dining out, yard work and getting my studio/office squared away a little better.

It was great having Randy here for a whole week. We agreed he could have stayed another week without getting to the point where we wanted to throttle one another. What good bros we are! :) He cleaned up my front yard big time, propped up the rhodie, put in a rock border between the front lawn and the planting area in front of Kayleigh's window, and pruned the lower branches on the front trees. It will be much easier to keep up now.

My new relationship has gone through the initial "mach-5 with your hair on fire" phase and has downshifted into a really nice cruising speed. It seems as if we got all the awkward "firsts" out of the way really quickly, and now we can relax and just enjoy the ride. The drama of a week or so ago was the product of sharing such an intense connection from the first moment that we were both pretty scared. The difference for me was that I'd had the loss of Sam to make me realize how rare and wonderful such a connection can be. In any case, it's all part of the learning curve. So far, J has met the best friend/big bro and Sam's brother, both of whom give a solid thumbs up (and I've met her best friend, little sister and twin brother, all of whom are pretty darn cool). She's also met the kids - and so much for my initial worry there. They have really glommed onto her. We're trying to kind of ration out her visits to the house for awhile, until they get used to a woman around. It's got to be surreal for them. It's surreal for me. And I have to be very careful and protective with their little hearts. I was not surprised to see how well Kayleigh related to J, but what was shocking was how readily Tyler reached out!

After Friday night's movie (with Randy and Doug), we took the conversation into the living room, and this would ordinarily be when Tyler would retreat to his room to play videogames or work on the computer. But he remained engaged in the activities, and kept vying for J's attention. It was really miraculous - I don't know how else to say it. As an aside, he's now been off his meds for more than 2 weeks. He's gaining weight and height, sleeping more, and generally seeming pretty balanced. We'll see how the rest of the summer goes, but my hope is that his brain chemistry is equalizing on its own with the onset of puberty and he won't need to go back on the stuff.

Father's Day was actually pretty crappy for the most part. I had a nice coffee chat with Ron in the morning, then decided I would get on City of Heroes for a little while to take advantage of double-XP weekend. The kids started throwing around their crazy energy from the moment they got up, and by the late afternoon they'd devolved into complete cretins. I made dinner without help (or thanks or so much as a "Happy Father's Day"), and I cleaned up alone. I went to sulk on the sofa while they went off to Westwood to spend their allowances. Then I got a text from J: "Happy Father's Day!" I grumbled a response, and before I knew it, J was here, sitting with me watching TV, making my day a whole lot better. Then the kids returned, having spent their allowances... on Father's Day gifts for me. A card, a camo baseball cap with a pirate skull on it, and a potted daisy plant for the front yard.

Happy Fathers Day. Yes. Yes, it was. :)

And Tyler plucked a bloom from the plant and handed it to J. "And this is for you!" She absolutely melted, and gave him a big hug. I felt like the Grinch, with his heart growing three sizes. Very very nice!

More to come, I'm sure. Now I need to get caught up with the work I've been neglecting due to Randy's visit and a really wonderful new thing going on. Thanks for bearing with me.

Well What Do You Know?

I wasn't wrong after all. She was overwhelmed by the same stuff I was feeling. And now that she's sorted through that, we are off to the races. :)

I'm incredibly happy. And incredibly relieved to know my radar wasn't wrong.

NOW if I don't post for awhile, it's for completely different (and wonderful) reasons.

Amazing

Check this great clip from the first Seattle concert by The Police. If you asked me a week ago whether I'd want to watch an 8-minute version of Roxanne, I probably would've passed. But listen to what they did...

I've heard some folks bashing it, but come on - it's a 30-year-old pop song - it'd get stale if they didn't change something up once in awhile. And these guys are all better musicians than they were 30 years ago. So put me in with the fans who think this is (and was) amazing.

My "big bro" Randy flies in tonight. This weekend is PACKED with stuff. Later!

The Police

So much for not posting for awhile...

I spent much of Tuesday in a fetal position on the couch, and later on hosted an artist friend. We talked and self-medicated with beer and some shots of Irish whiskey. Here's to beginnings. I actually feel worlds better today. Thank you for all the support and encouragement. I guess I'm a lot stronger and more resilient than I thought.

The woman Sam's brother is dating got us amazing 5th row center section seats for the Police concert at Key Arena. I took Kayleigh as my date. Her first rock concert! She LOVED it. Actually, my first rock concert was The Humans, who recorded on IRS Records, which was the label The Police recorded on! So there ya go.

Anyway, I won't go into too much detail as I'm exhausted. But the show was effing great. Those boys are still as tight as ever, and the light show was really excellent. In fact, Invisible Sun had Iraq war footage laid over the stage images on the big screen, and Walking in Your Footsteps included an intricate 3D animated dino skeleton sequence. Several of the songs were presented in an almost progressive fashion. Definitely longer and more intricate.

Here's the set list from the Seattle show:

Message in a Bottle

Synchronicity 2

Spirits in the Material World

Voices Inside My Head/When the World is Running Down...

Don't Stand So Close to Me

Driven to Tears

Walking on the Moon

Truth Hits Everybody

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic

Wrapped Around Your Finger

The Bed's Too Big Without You

Murder By Numbers

De Do Do Do De Da Da Da

Invisible Sun

Walking in Your Footsteps

Can't Stand Losing You/Regatta De Blanc

Roxanne

1st Encore:

King of Pain

So Lonely

2nd Encore:

Every Breath You Take

Next to You

Great show. Maybe I'll elaborate when I've had some rest...

Stupid.

It's like in the movie previews when everything is clicking along and suddenly there's the sound of the needle skipping off the record, and someone says something funny. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a punchline here, except to say I must be the biggest dumbass in the world.

How could I have been SO wrong? Like, not a little bit wrong, but the most wrong ever in my life? I had only ever felt this way once before, and that was when I was 16 and meeting Sam. This time was even better because I had the benefit of life experience and zero fear. We spent days marveling at the connection and ease at which we felt with one another. Chemistry like I'd never felt before. We kissed on the Akli breakwater in the rain and listened to the thunder roll across Elliott Bay. It was almost a scene from a Cameron Crowe movie. As Caleb said, "I'm surprised you could hear each other over the Peter Gabriel soundtrack."

In the six months of dating I had over a year ago, I never felt so much passion for someone, and every word, every touch, every signal, every instinct said she was right there with me. She quite literally was everything I'd asked the Universe for. And I think she was so scared of that connection that she revealed she wasn't ready for it. And everything came crashing down.

So now I feel totally stupid. "It's her. I mean, like with a capital H - Her." And I still really believe that, but of course I've gone and blabbed before the pie had cooled, and feel like the moron I am. So what went wrong with my radar?? That thing has been cranked to 11 since before Sam was diagnosed. I've always been able to navigate the seas of misery without too much trouble - the worst heartbreak of course was losing Sam, and then my dad, but they existed under the radar and inside the defenses. It goes without saying those key losses would be devastating. But I thought I was invulnerable after that. I thought no one could possibly hurt me. I was ready to feel truly and deeply again. Well now I do feel truly and deeply... hurt. And maybe that was a lesson in hubris.

I don't so much feel angry that she would reach out and only THEN discover her inability to engage in this. I feel more like my faculties were somehow inadequate and failed to warn me of it.

Was this the next lesson in loving again? That I had to be capable of complete trust and, more importantly, being completely hurt in order to be worthy of The Big One (if there is such a thing)? Maybe, but I think it's a pretty crappy lesson. I was bloody ready for this. I know from experience the Cameron Crowe moments happen few and far between in this life, so why give me that and then take it away - again? Unless it's somehow critical to what's to come. I have to trust that, even though I don't know how I can trust anything else - especially my own instincts - again.

So mark this as my first broken heart since Sam died. I feel inhumanly stupid and just want to crawl away in a hole somewhere. Excuse me if I don't post for awhile. And assume that any future romances (if any) will go undocumented here until they prove somewhat stable. And to my local and daily-contact internet friends and family, don't be surprised if I go monosyllabic for some time... at least until I sweep up the shards.

Hiding now.

I knew it.

I recall musing as I drove to Alki last night, "why do I feel like I'm about to go meet my destiny?"

Well, stand by for the chapters to follow, but I really get the feeling the question was rhetorical, and that I did.

Wow.

Just... WOW.

Note the timestamp on this post and understand I slept maybe 2 hours tonight. I think I may be in trouble. Deep trouble. The BEST kind of trouble. :) It's not supposed to be this easy - it's not supposed to click so naturally, right?

Ha.

I just have to realize that I asked for this. I did the work, and asked the Universe in specific terms for exactly what I wanted. And darned if she didn't just show up.

Stay tuned, true believers!

Whoa.

I think I will need to remember this day. My mind was just blown by an amazing set of circumstances... and a really incredible woman.

More later.