Monday, June 19, 2006

Everything After

Slipped away to the open
Watched the shadows deface the ground
'Til the day we all
Believe that we might lose control

Will the moment we fear
Turn to everything clear

After you’re gone
Away from the life
Of the planet you’re on
And everything after

Faded awake

Somebody spoke
When I left here today
And everything after

It pulls us back into orbit
When disorder surrounds this place
And it brings us down
We can’t keep our feet on the ground

Until the moment we fear
Turns to everything clear

We are down here
We are space

- Revis, "Everything After"

* * *

I'm tired.

Two graduations, two celebratory dinners, a celebratory brunch and a Mariners baseball game for Father's Day. Then, for some reason, my bedside clock got pushed ahead an hour, so when I awoke at 7:08AM this morning, I thought it was 8:08AM. My poor kids - I was hoisting them out of bed and packing them in the car, and it wasn't until I was as far as the Junction that I noticed the car clock was an hour earlier than I'd thought. So I took them to breakfast at the little indie cafe (and by "indie" I mean "not Starbucks or Tully's or SBC") at Jefferson Square and we had some joking around time before school.

Came home. Went to the gym. Checked on the old house. The concrete guys were there putting in the new steps to the carport door. Apparently, someone broke in last night or early this morning, because the padlock on the plywood "door" had been popped off with a crowbar. Oddly enough, I'm not worried. There was nothing to steal (except a pro nailgun and $100 worth of hardware, which wasn't touched), and nothing was vandalized. I have a feeling it was high schoolers with too much time on their hands looking for a "safe" place to get loaded with whatever they're loading up on. Listen to the crusty old fart... "Damn kids, with their... rap music... and their... Zimas!" Honestly, we're not even in a bad neighborhood - 9 times out of 10 it's a teen or twentysomething looking for wine or something harder, or cash to take to acquire said alcohol. And that, unfortunately, happens in just about any city. Also, I know that 99% of security is occupancy. And we are not occupying the house yet. Once we are back in with Wiley and motion lights and an ADT system, we'll be golden. In the meantime, I've parked my car back in the carport for the night, hoping that it'll dissuade potential interlopers from popping the NEW lock (or disturbing the concrete).

Had a wonderful lunch with my uncle and his wife at Salty's on Alki. The day was beautiful.

Came home and crashed out on my bed. The kids got home and unfortunately Wiley pushed his way out past the front screen door and ran out to a guy jogging with his black lab. Now Wiley is definitely not an attack dog by any stretch of the imagination, but if I were jogging with my dog, I wouldn't want to be greeted by a German Shepherd nipping at my feet. So he was understandably testy. Even more unfortunately, the guy chose to take it out verbally on Kayleigh, who was barely able to wrestle Wiley indoors. So as always, I went to play mediator. I let him spout off for a minute, then talked him down. Then I went in and did damage control with Kayleigh, who was understandably shaken and in tears. As of this entry, the Earth still turns and we are all alive.

Once again, a precarious balance is struck, and all plates are spinning. I think I'm going for a new record...


~jam said...

I find myself here several times a week now just to read what you've written. Not so much what is written but the way it's written. It's very "a heartbreaking work of staggering genius" (if you haven't read that book i recommend it). Of course, I enjoy reading your recount of the day, or the moment as it were.
I don't know if you recall, but I brought food (gavin told me i could make anything, and did not mention allergies for which i gave him much grief) to you and Sam and the kids once.
What prompted me to comment after all this time was actually your post on the 7th where you said "is it mourning the immediate absence of my wife, or is it mourning for the old life, feeling melancholy over memories of years past?"
I have a friend, who is close to the end of his rope after a divorce following the love of his life was unfaithful. I've been talking to him for the better part of a year, guiding and helping him through his pain but we never really got to that point where the obstacle was clear.
That paragraph you wrote, stuck with me days after I read it and I shared it with him. I didn't do it in a "there are people who have suffered more" way, but I wanted to help him figure out that it likely wasn't her he missed, it was the feeling.
We talked about what that meant and he admitted that he fully blamed himself for the marriage ending.
It was like a dam breaking, if the dam were the size of a bazillion Grand Coulee dams. He's not better, but he's going to be.
So I wanted to thank you, for sharing your thoughts with the world and for having a clear mind in the midst of a hazy life.

tbone said...

Thank you so much for your kind words, ~jam. Some days are better than others, but I find the *only* choice is to remain positive and move forward. The alternative is unacceptable.