More Tears

Our Gilda's Club contact with Extreme Makeover took me aside and informed me she'd received a response on our submission. They loved our story (which means we evidently passed the pity threshold), but apparently the show's producers don't like doing projects in Washington State due to the unstable weather (hey - we have variety: rain, snow, sun, hail, wind, sometimes all at once!), but asked for my contact info so she could talk to me about submitting to another show. I wonder if Oprah would be interested. ;)

My friend Patrick Goddard works for Rhino Records. He sent me a box of really great CDs (thanks, Pat!). For the past few days, I've been switching between the Doors collection, the New Order collection, and a couple of my own acquisitions (Matisyahu, Morningwood & KT Tunstall) in the car while I drive all over Seattle shuttling children and running my various errands. Today I finally got the desire to pop in a Chameleons compilation CD that survived the fire by virtue of it being in my car. Of course, Tears is probably my favorite track of theirs, and when the acoustic version came on, Kayleigh and I began singing along with it. But when it got to "waiting for the light to turn green/carry me home/to the kindest eyes that I've ever seen", the early part of my relationship with Sam came rushing back and I choked up.

When I talked to Caleb later this evening, he asked a very good question. Did I miss Sam, or did I miss how I was when I was with her. And he wasn't surprised when I said "both". I've said it before on this blog - a big portion of one's grief (especially in relation to a spouse) is more than just missing the person. It's missing the person you once were. It's missing the life you shared together. It's missing the history and the little secrets and jokes to which only the two of you were privy, and that now must reside solely in your memory.

Imagine my surprise when I arrived home to an email from an old Aptos High theater friend, Michelle Welk. Michelle and musician/actor Gary Hagen were a year ahead of me in high school, and had become an item the year before I moved to Palo Alto and met Sam. They were the only two friends from school who'd been together as a couple longer than Sam & me. The last time I'd had any contact with Michelle was in about '93, and Gary in about '96. They didn't know about Sam, they didn't know about my dad, they didn't know about our house. It's weird telling the tale to someone I've not been in communication with in over a decade.

Spoke to Randy tonight. Talking to my big bro always makes me feel better. It's a relationship that now spans 26 years and gives me a great sense of continuity. He's known me literally since I was a kid. I've only known Dave & Adam Beach longer. He was able to dump some rare vinyl to CD, including The Humans Happy Hour LP and their Play EP. The Humans were a talented Santa Cruz band merging new wave and surf music with sophisticated lyrics. Randy took me to see them live at the Catalyst in 1982 when I was 14. I credit that as my first rock show. The frontman, Sterling Storm, is now a successful production designer.

Tyler amazes me. Here's a kid who's gone through the personal hell of losing his mom, grandpa and home, on top of trying to function with ADHD and starting puberty... and what does he post on his blog? His recipe for egg salad. Here I am, angsting it up, and he's sharing something nice with others. I've been really surprised (pleasantly so) at his maturity level of late. Of course, it all came crashing down tonight when he and Kayleigh decided to have a fight at bedtime. That stuff happens from time to time. But overall, I can see him evolving - and I'm encouraged to see the direction in which it's happening. In fact, I'm pretty happy with both of my kids. Yes, this is the same guy who wanted to sell them to visigoths not long ago, but they're both ambulatory, clever as all heck and talented like you wouldn't believe. I shouldn't complain. I absolutely love them to pieces.

I think I've rambled enough for the midweek check-in. Be well, and thanks to everyone for the notes, emails and care packages! :) And Piggy, thanks for the cookies, goo and all.