Thursday, July 14, 2005


Sheesh, another sleepless night. Getting into another "project mode", which often means some screwed up hours. Need to get caught up with the housework. Things are in disarray, and I really just need to deal with it sooner rather than later.

Tyler had a marathon World of Warcraft session yesterday, and wonders why he has a headache this morning. As painful as it is to see your kid suffer, sometimes you just need to let them have these little learning experiences. Rest assured, there will be no WOW happening today. It's actually good timing - I need some help in the yard. :)

It's weird. Some days I feel like I can move forward in life without Samantha. Some days I feel like I can't budge from my bed. The rest of the time, I just feel numb. Today is a combo platter of "move forward" with a side of "numb".

And as sad as I feel without my dad, there's still a certain continuity there - your parents are supposed to predecease you. That's how life is supposed to work. Not that it was his time - far from it! But at least it doesn't feel like something on a quantum level in the universe is out of whack. Now that's just my perspective as his offspring. Rest assured my stepmom is in a whole different space. Losing your spouse is completely different than any other kind of loss. That's why I just smile graciously when people tell me they know exactly what I'm going through, and proceed to tell me about their grandfather or aunt minnie. It ain't the same, folks. It ain't the same. The way I feel the loss of my father is worlds away from the way I feel the loss of my wife. I say that having also lost a sibling. It's not even in the same ballpark. Unless you've suffered that specific kind of loss - and heaven forbid you ever have to until you're both 112 and ready to go - there's just no explaining it.

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