Happy New Year?

25 years ago today, my dad married my stepmom in a beautiful ceremony in a charming church in Sausalito, California. I was 14, just halfway through my freshman year in high school. My little brother had just turned 6, and my sister would have been 9. We were all part of the ceremony: Gavin was the ring-bearer, little white tux and all; Sara joined my stepmom's sister as a bridesmaid; and I stood up next to my uncle (all 6'7" of him - he looked like a Nordic Wookiee) as a groomsman.

The reception was held at a restaurant on the docks, and afterward, instead of driving off in a car decorated with shaving cream and dragging cans behind it, they sailed off into the sunset on my dad's trimaran sailboat, The Redwood Coast.

Another friend of mine, my neighbor John, is getting married to his longtime girlfriend tonight. I really wanted to be there and be happy for them. But for some reason my heart said, "stay home, be calm and quiet, and remember your dad."

So I am doing just that.

Katherine, know that I am thinking of you tonight. Remembering the two decades plus you had with my father, remembering the joy you brought each other. Remembering the good times as our family unit grew to include Samantha, for a time Sara's husband Jeff, then Gavin's wife Michelle, and the three grandchildren "Grampa Bear" loved so much (the relationship he had with my kids reminded me very much of the relationship I had with his father when I was young). The ski trips, Disneyland, Canada, Virgin Islands, college, and visiting you both in Florida. I'm glad you came out to Seattle when the cancer arrived. I'm glad we all had each other in our wagon circle when the times were especially hard.

When the Gregorian New Year hits for us at Midnight PST, I will toast the passing of another year minus two very amazing people. I will pour a shot of the Cruzan Black Strap navy rum and drink to Cap'n Bear, your wedding 25 years ago, his lasting effect on our family, and your lasting presence in our lives.

Fair winds and following seas, Pop.

Happy Anniversary, Katherine.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Yes, so I'm not an active member of a Christian church, and I know that Jesus of Nazareth wasn't born on December 25th (more likely in the spring, during lambing season), and I know the early Church planted Christmas right after the Winter Solstice to subvert the earlier Roman festival of Saturnalia and the pagan European Solstice festivals (like Yule). But like most secular Euro-Americans, I love this great, bizarre, lumbering behemoth of mixed pagan traditions, wrapped in colorful Christian trappings and tacky commercialism. It's Christmas (rhymes with Swiss Miss).

I didn't love it last year. And I certainly didn't love it the year before, with six inches of raw sewage in my bedroom. But I'm starting to get the feeling back. Yes, I absolutely miss Samantha at this time - most of my Christmases had been spent with her. And yes, I absolutely miss my dad. My world, and the world at large, is a less wonderful place without the two of them in it.

So I put on some Peter Gabriel last night and cried my fucking eyes out for a good twenty minutes.

Just another stone in the wall of memory. It was good and cathartic and I needed it. I think some of the melancholy not only has to do with Samantha and my father, but with the recent news that a heavy hitter in the RPG industry was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (metastasized to the liver) and his prognosis isn't good. Well duh.

Despite all of that, I feel really good today. My house is as clean as it ever gets, I'm having dinner with the stepmom and grandparents today, and we all do Christmas here tomorrow. Sam's brother Doug will be hanging with us - a first, I believe. I'm looking forward to it.

You know, underneath the religious dogma and the secular commercialism, there's a real kernel of universal truth and wisdom at the heart of Christmas. I'm blessed to have a family and circle of friends who GET that. The guy who cut me off in the Westwood parking lot, the stressed out yuppies killing each other over who gets the last Wii in the shop, they don't get it. If you've read my blog more than a month or so, you probably DO. :)

So think of that kernel of truth and wisdom at the heart of Christmas and what "holiday spirit" actually means. And know that I mean this from the heart:

Merry Christmas, and a Happy, Healthy and Miraculous New Year.

And now, here's some nog that I'd like to dig into, and it's totally better for you than the stuff with the eggs. ;)

Sleep Disorder?

Tyler has never been a calm sleeper. Even as a baby, he was squirrelly in his crib or in our bed. Sam & I used to joke about having the Human Corkscrew as our son. We thought nothing of it.

Possibly unrelated but puzzle pieces nonetheless, Tyler had a very difficult birth. He went into distress twice and had to have his stomach pumped immediately on delivery. Sam hemorrhaged and started to bleed out, but thanks to Mark Beard's speedy and excellent needlework, she survived to go through a much less traumatic delivery of Kayleigh. Then when he was about two, Tyler fell off our open front porch into the flowerbed where Sam was gardening (a fall less than 3 feet, but he seized up and stopped breathing temporarily, went into shock, and had to be taken to the ER for examination). So, two physical traumas very early on, despite an otherwise loving and nurturing home.

Later, Tyler started acting out physically, exhibiting symptoms associated with ADD and ADHD (and was diagnosed such). Sam & I were the last people who wanted to medicate our child, but as his lack of impulse control had become a very real threat to his little sister's safety, and after trying diet and herbal alternatives, we finally felt like we had no other options.

We varied meds until we found one (and a dose) that seemed to give him some mileage without too many nasty side effects. Even so, our hearts broke every day, having to choose the lesser of two evils: a medicated but stable child, or a med-free and totally out of control child - and we are talking OUT of control, like even out of his own control. Like attacking people out of nowhere with various implements, digging holes in his bedroom wall, tearing up carpet, rolling around on the floor making weird and incessant chirping noises, hyperfocusing on an issue to a point beyond futility, and total disconnect between action and consequence. We chose a cocktail of counseling and 10mg Adderall XR (a pretty low dose, time-released). He was stable, a seemingly normal kid, not a drugged out zombie (which is always the parents' fear).

When he turned 13, the mutual decision between myself and our pediatrician was to give Tyler a vacation from the meds over the summer break, to allow him to catch up in his growth and weight (which he has, in spades), and to see how he functioned off them. Starting in May of this year, he's been off the Adderall, and has been pretty functional, so we just kept going without, knowing that things like rules, boundaries and schedules helped him maintain a sense of equilibrium.

Now, I'm not a clinical psychologist; just a parent whose ultimate concern is the health and well-being of his children. So all of what follows is strictly solo research.

As soon as the school year began, Tyler had a seemingly impossible time adjusting to his new and earlier schedule. Even after several promising weeks that included talking about new friendships and even possibly going steady with a girl, a slide into depression and lethargy became apparent. He wasn't going to sleep until 2AM or later, and could not be roused until late morning (if at all). Even well after the power cords to all electronics were removed before bedtime, thereby removing the temptation to play games into the wee hours, the problem continued. Negative behaviors began: the usual surly teenager attitude, a reversion to former violent habits with his sister, dissociative behavior, and a complete disregard for the fact that he was failing every class and might have to repeat the 8th grade. He went so far as to run away from home at 1AM one night, and had to be brought home by the SPD (he was found wandering near Roxhill Park, which is not a place you generally want to wander around at 1AM). There was a glimmer of empathy when he saw how terrified his sister and I were, so that gave me hope.

We worked with the school wellness counselor and the truant officer to get him re-motivated, changed the bedtime ritual to better facilitate relaxation, and got all three of us into family counseling.

What has come out of the counseling is that the loss of Sam, my dad and our house affected us in very different ways. Kayleigh and I process externally. We talk, we examine, we cry, and we get it out. Tyler internalizes everything. Always has. And while there is no right or wrong way to grieve, I've seen him actually shed tears maybe two or three times in the last three years, and one of those was the day his mom died. So here's this amazing, intelligent kid - the world should be his oyster, but he's really hurting, and despite having an open, loving, nurturing environment in which to grieve, he either won't or he can't process, and it just builds up until it explodes in any number of inappropriate and/or damaging ways. Even the way we process emotionally has created distance between Tyler and his other two family members.

So part of what we're doing in counseling is trying to get a handle on Tyler's process - what makes him tick - with the goal of a psychiatric re-evaluation. There's some depressive or bipolar behaviors going on, for sure. Tyler brooded through much of last night's session, and then randomly, in a very chipper tone, suggested we go to dinner at Elliott Bay, where he ate a great dinner and laughed and joked all evening.

Bedtime went as per usual. But at 1AM, Tyler came into my room, complaining that he couldn't sleep. This has always been his major justification for not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, that he "hardly got any sleep". So instead of tucking him back into his own bed, I just had him sleep in my bed, and I lay awake all last night and monitored him.

From the moment his head hit the pillow, he was asleep. But it was anything but restful. He would tense up for several seconds, twitch a bit, then relax for a few minutes. Then he'd mumble something, roll over, and relax again. It was like when he would "corkscrew" as a baby, only much more violent and spasmodic. This restless process continued from 1AM to 4AM, when he finally drifted into deep REM sleep.

Eureka.

I went to the computer, looked up sleep disorders and voila! Delayed sleep-phase syndrome. Often manifests in early childhood or adolescence, usually associated with physical or emotional trauma, associated with symptoms of depression and other emotional disorders, often misdiagnosed as ADD or ADHD, only recently acknowledged as a unique disorder. People who have it say it's like functioning in a 9 to 5 world with 6 hours of jet-lag.

He's sleeping plenty, just not getting the deep sleep that should be occurring much earlier in the sleep cycle. My gut tells me he's not sleeping because he's depressed - he's showing symptoms of depression because he's not getting deep sleep when he should. And I'm sure it's exacerbated by the Pacific Northwest winter solar cycle (sun sets at 4PM). It's a disruption of the body's natural circadian rhythm, and can be helped with phototherapy (full spectrum lights) and other behavior modification.

So that's where we're going to look next. I really feel like I made a breakthrough on this, and am hopeful of positive results. Not to say that it's all wine and roses from here on out, but I feel like I have a better handle on what's going on in my son's head.

As Promised...

Wow, it's been a couple weeks without a proper post. Let's see if I can get caught up on everything for my loyal lurkers.

So we read a local actor for the part of Steve in the Duo film. We're not even technically in preproduction yet, but the executive producer feels having the principal cast attached when we pitch to the funders will be an asset to the project. Already, Eric Riedmann and Trish Loyd from Ordinary Angels have signed on as JD and Liz, respectively. We have Angela DiFiore, Khanh Doan and Jeremiah Peisert all returning from Samantha's original cast.

So we had Devielle Johnson come in and read opposite three other actors. He'd not worked with Eric Riedmann, but Eric is kind of from the whole OA alumni thing, and we've worked together a couple times. Khanh was from the old cast and we've been friends since the original casting process in late 2004, but have not yet worked together. Incidentally, she is in an indie feature called Simply FOBulous, which stars Steven Liu from Ordinary Angels. And Trish played the Dying Woman (Sam, for all intents and purposes) in OA, and she, Devielle and Dan Heinrich are all from the same acting school in Seattle. See how the strands of the web connect? Pay attention. There will be a quiz later.

For coming in cold and reading opposite two actors he had never met and one with whom he was very familiar, he did very well. I offered him the part a few days later, and he accepted. So we have our primary cast in place, and a selection of supporting parts to cast. Fortunately, doing a project with so many speaking roles like OA means that I now have a database of really great talent I can have read for parts without either party having to go through an open casting call. I know it's incestuous and "closed", but it worked for Orson Welles and the Mercury Players, and if I ever can't find the right actor through either my own network of those of my film friends, I will do another open call. I just prefer to avoid them when I can. It's uncomfortable.

Generally having issues with Tyler and his motivation, and there is a pending re-evaluation with the counseling service (probably after the holidays). I won't go into detail in this forum as I feel that Tyler's privacy is his own, so I will only lay out how his situation affects me as his parent. Needless to say, the last few weeks have been incredibly challenging, but we're sticking through it, trying to pull together as a family. The new counselor is pretty good. I have high hopes for continued success with the kids.

Today was a major victory, in that BOTH kids got up and got to school on time! I don't think that's happened at all in the last two weeks. It's the last week of school before the holiday break, so keeping Tyler's motivation up is a big challenge. For Kayleigh, school is all about the social aspect, so she's good - just a bit cranky this morning.

Anyway, the tree went up awhile ago - looks pretty good. Sam's brother Doug will be hanging with the Downing clan this year for Christmas, so I'm psyched about that. Did I just say "psyched"? That's rad.


I also got a few prints from JD & Alison's wedding:












Pretty cool.

The next week is going to be filled with cleaning, work, and trying to finish my Christmas shopping in the most frugal way possible, as things are really tight this month.

I predict another few posts before then, but if not, Happy Holidays everyone!

Proxy Post

Okay, so this isn't a REAL post, but one is coming, for reals. Pinky swear and everything. In the meantime, I redesigned the cover for the RADZ RPG. JD is quite happy with it. It'll be nice for the very patient Deep7 fans to have something new to look at in 2008. :)

Funeral for a Friend

Mike Cressy, renowned Seattle illustrator and good friend, lost his girlfriend Holly to suicide on 11/9. Mike just sent me this. There are no words, Mike. Welcome to the club nobody wants to join. I love you, man.

Absolution

So most folks in this country know Gary Numan as the one-hit wonder behind the new wave single "Cars". What most don't know is that this guy was one of the vanguard of techno-industrial music, and has been quietly cranking out amazingly complex and beautifully dark alternative music for decades. With dozens of top-20 hits in Europe & the UK, he is often singled out as a prime influence of today's vanguard, including Trent Reznor.

Gary's still going strong. He's still delivering amazing music and amazing performances today, and looks as if he might have a magic portrait hidden away somewhere (he turns 50 next year).

So it's no surprise that his last 3 albums (as well as a 2-disc remix collection) have become favorites of mine, as they often include themes of loss and spiritual crisis.

One particular song from 1997's Exile has found its way into my playlists and my shower CDs recently. It's a pretty extreme declaration, but I find it a powerful statement of how love is the bottom line to everything, and trumps all spiritual dogma... it is the basis of existence.

I would swim across oceans
Just to talk with you
I would climb a tall mountain
Just to look at you
I'd give my soul to the devil
If you asked me to
I would walk out of heaven
Just to be with you

This is absolute
This is absolution

I will be your disciple
And I'll worship you
Burn the prophets of reason
Light the sky for you
Kill the children of Eden
If you want me to
Close the dead eyes of God
If they offended you

This is absolute
This is absolution

- Gary Numan, "Absolution"

Evel Knievel, RIP

Another icon from my childhood has gone to that great stunt show in the sky. I remember the Snake River Canyon jump in the rocket car, many bus jumps, reports of assaults with a baseball bat, and most of all the crank-up Evel Knievel action figure stunt cycle.

Take care, big guy.

Unexpected Treasures

I was organizing my office today (aka moving piles of crap from one stack to another), and I ran across a small cache of old photos...

My acting headshot at age 14 (taken by Randy):












My acting headshot at age 16 (taken by Randy):









Sam from Hello Out There, the first play we were in together (taken by Randy).












Me as Pink from Alan Parker's film based on Pink Floyd's The Wall. High school Halloween, age 17 (taken by Sam).












Me from the first Kings production Polaroids, about age 18. Although at that point I was producing and David Beach was directing, I'd written myself a cameo as Soldier #2. That's a guy who is comfortable and secure in his relationship, 180-degrees from where Sam was at the time (taken by Sam).












The back cover image from Zingo Magazine #1, an indie 'zine from late '82/early '83 (taken by Randy). Note the hat. I was Mr. Eighties Fedora Hat Guy. Mostly because I resonated with the 1930s/1940s retro vibe going on at the time. Note also that the men's double-breasted suit was back in fashion then...

Thanksgiving Update

Thanksgiving for us went like this:

1) pack up kids and wine, leave at 12:30PM
2) sit in parking lot traffic, and arrive in Bellingham at 3PM
3) visit with family and eat shortly after 4PM
4) pack up the car and head home at 5PM

Fortunately I-5 south was wide open and we got home about 6:20PM.

It was good to see my grandparents - my grandfather turns 91 this week, and since his spinal surgery, he's been walking more upright than I've seen him in years. Way to go, Opa!

We had our first family counseling session on Wednesday. Very positive. Mostly just intake stuff and preliminary questions, but definitely like the counselor, and Tyler really needs the outlet.

Ron and Mike and I got together on Friday and played some AT-43. It's been years since I've thrown actual models on a table and rolled dice, but it was really fun. High-quality, prepainted plastics - definitely the way to go if you don't have the time to assemble and paint your own army. I hope the game does well for Rackham.

Took Tyler and his best friend Miles to see Beowulf in 3D IMAX at the Pacific Science Center. It was big. It was loud. The 3D was cool. It was at times some of the best CG animation I've ever seen, and at times the lamest filmmaking. The voice acting was pretty consistently good, and the final battle sequence was some great film, period. So, if you can see it in 3D, I'd recommend it. It's not an instant classic, but it does represent some important achievements in computer animation.

Still finishing up the top-secret short project, and getting preproduction started on Duo. And I also need to start planning for Deathtrap.

Amy & I had a few very long and intense conversations and determined that, although we definitely click on many levels and share a wide cultural overlap, I just wasn't feeling the romantic spark. We're remaining friends, which is great. I understand that's unusual for a lot of folks. I'm on speaking terms with every woman I dated after Sam died, except one. That's a pretty good ratio. In any case, that's the end of my internet dating story. If any relationship is gonna happen, it'll be meeting through common interests and/or work. I just get that feeling.

Okay... back to it.

Happy Elfin' Holidays...

So this is cute.

Also, actor Eric Riedmann, who played Afriel in Ordinary Angels, has accepted the role of JD in my upcoming film, Duo. I'm a happy camper. I'm also a tired camper. Homer sleep now.

Stuff & Jazz

I haven't posted this week due to the sheer amount of stuff going on professionally. Still writing like crazy, and in pre-pre-production on Duo. Went to the screening of Behind Closed Doors on Friday night, and was pleasantly surprised to find that even folks who didn't actually know me, knew of me via Ordinary Angels, and that the film has a very good reputation. I gladhanded for awhile and thoroughly enjoyed the BCD film itself. It also afforded me a look at my Duo producer Dan in his element. These are good people. Talented people. And I'm really glad I fell in with them.

Tyler has had some challenges this week, but it's not anything I really want to go into in public at this time. Everyone is safe and sound, and we're going to family counseling starting tomorrow. That's a huge step forward. And he was an absolute angel today. I'm taking him to the Dino 3D Imax film at the Pacific Science Center on Saturday with his best friend.

Had my parent/teacher conference with Kayleigh's teacher today, and she's doing great! No concerns with her, except for keeping her at a high enough level to remain interested and engaged in the class.

We had dinner with Sam's folks on Sunday night. Too short a visit, but the kids need their school night structure.

I'm also continuing to see the woman I briefly mentioned previously, and she's coming out to the house tomorrow for dinner and "meet the kids". The rationale is thus: we've been "going out" for almost a month, and have determined that even if we don't work out romantically, we can remain friends - certainly not a hollow promise, as I have a very good track record in that department. So I feel okay with opening that particular door, and the kids are excited to meet her too.

Finally, I thought I'd share the following short film. It's a Flash animated webtoon I wrote & directed when I was art director at Hyperbole Studios during the dot-com boom. Listen closely and you can hear me do several of the voices. Our managers Greg and Halle also pitched in on the voice talent, and my bro Steve did all the art assets that I then animated (as well as doing his share of voices!). Enjoy!

Congrats!

I just want to give a quick shout out to Lynnae, who has become engaged to her amazing boyfriend Shawn.

As I have said before in this very blog, Lynnae is a truly outstanding person and really deserves all the happiness life can possibly throw her way. I wish the happy couple a long and blissful union.

Much love.

11/11/07

I spent yesterday avoiding the fact that it was the 23rd anniversary of the day Samantha & I officially kicked off our relationship. I've written about it before on this blog, specifically:

here (2005), and here (2006).

I've been passing the days nose-deep in writing, parenting, and movie screening. This is one of the low swings where I just keep my head down and hopefully get something done until the energy returns and I get phenomenal things accomplished. I have a film premiere on Thursday, and am taking the woman I've been seeing for the last couple weeks. Should be fun. I was on the guest list for TWO premieres on the same night, both films with folks from OA involved. It sucks to have to choose one over the other, but Ben knows I love him.

On Saturday I took Kayleigh to see The Foreigner at Youngstown. Muriel is beginning to blossom as a director, and she really took advantage of the space. I am going to use those beautiful wood flats for the interior of the Breuhl house when I do Deathtrap in the spring. It was a good show, and half a house on a Saturday matinee is not bad attendance at all! The word is staring to seep out of West Seattle.

Of course I stopped up by the booth and snapped a pic of the etched sign outside, something I'd yet to do in the past year. Looking forward to doing a two-week run of Deathtrap in there.

Fall Sets In

This week I've mostly been nose-down in script projects, though I did surface long enough to assemble some last-minute audio cues for Muriel's show. I'm feeling pretty tired, mostly due to having an almost-constant battle with Tyler over school and his sleep schedule (and the fact that, given the two are fundamentally incompatible, school wins and his sleep schedule needs to change). School admin and counseling staff have even intervened. I have every faith that he'll get in sync, but right now it's a struggle for all involved.

Kayleigh is set to start voice lessons in addition to playing her clarinet in advanced band - I'm just trying to coordinate with the teacher.

So, work work work. What have I done for amusement?

My mom and stepdad came down on Monday to hang out and visit. They'd never seen OA, so I screened it for them. I can watch the deathbed scene by myself or with newer friends, but if someone who knew Sam is watching, I am compelled to leave the room. Also showed them The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, which they thought was funny. Which is good, because it is.

Ron and I went in on the AT-43 intro game, and were both impressed by the casting and stock painting of the pieces. One of our old friends from the game store days (Ron and I used to run a geek boutique at the W. Seattle Junction back in the day, which was a Wednesday) came by when we were breaking it open, and I think he's hooked. We're all old hands at Warhammer 40K, and just don't have time to assemble and paint a bunch of models prior to playing - we just want to play. Also been getting in one or two evenings of City of Heroes a week, beating up bad guys online with Ron and Hans.

I've also gone on a couple dates with a really nice gal. But I'm not going to spill the beans here prematurely - wanna see how it develops. We did go and see an amazing film on our second date: Control. It's a biopic about Ian Curtis, founding member of the iconic post-punk band Joy Division, which had a profound impact on alternative music, influencing whole genres from the late '70s to the present day. Directed by Anton Corbijn (whose music videos and rock photography often grace MTV, Rolling Stone and other venues). Amazing cast. The actors portraying the band members are scary good. Almost dead ringers for the real guys. The film is NOT a Joy Division movie - It's primarily about Ian Curtis, his strained relationships, depression, epilepsy, and suicide at the age of 23. It's not a feel-good movie. It's a beautiful, powerful time capsule, expertly captured and presented in black & white. (photos: on the left are the real dudes, on the right are the actors from the film)

Sheesh. Apparently, it's the 30th anniversary of Joy Division. Now I feel REALLY old.

I was not an early adopter of Joy Division. We didn't get a whole lot of their music in coastal California. But when I moved from Santa Cruz to Palo Alto, I was introduced to a wealth of alternative sound: Joy Division/New Order, Cabaret Voltaire, Cocteau Twins, Bauhaus, Japan, Simple Minds, Depeche Mode, and more. At first I wasn't into Joy Division, but their sound grew on me, and soon I could see the attraction. While punk rebelled at the overplayed/overproduced progressive rock of the 1970s, a less angry, more somber, minimalist form emerged, which would seep into the new wave, goth, shoegaze and dreampop sub-forms of the '80s and '90s. Joy Division represents that vanguard, from Stephen Morris' metronome drumming to Peter Hook's melodic lead basslines, to Bernard Sumner's stark guitar riffs, to Ian's droning vocals. And you cannot listen to a current band like She Wants Revenge or Scanners and not hear the influence.

Happy Celtic New Year

The pic is from our front walkway - a string of jack o' lantern lights from Target. Happy Halloween, kids. Wheeeeeee!

Of course for Samantha, this was Samhain (SAH-wen), or Celtic New Year's Eve. The time when the fabric between the material and the spiritual planes were thinnest. After much historical and cultural study, it became my New Year as well.

So honestly I was not surprised when Kayligh and I showed up at my brother's house to let her trick-or-treat in her pirate best, and what should we hear wafting out from his front room but the opening strains of "Demons" by And Tears Fell. Gavin had just opened the door and the last song was fading out, when my opening guitar chords rang out. Gavin stood there with a creeped out look on his face, and Kayleigh flashed a big grin when she heard Sam's voice start to sing.

Thanks for checking in, hon. We're doing fine.

I'll have pics of Kayleigh's pirate getup tomorrow. Right now I'm exhausted and need to go turn off the pumpkin lights. Cheers all - Happy Celtic New Year. May the coming year bring blessings beyond measure.

A Different World

My 91yo grandfather recently had spinal surgery. I just talked to him on the phone, along with my grandmother. He's doing great in physical therapy and she's a human dynamo - just as always. I love them fiercely.

Something my grandfather said stuck with me. They read my blog regularly (he calls my entries "soliloquies"), and he said how much they enjoy keeping up on what's happening in my life, although some of what I talk about is way outside their experience. "It's a different world," he said. Not like in a "you young whipper-snappers and your rock & roll" kind of way, but as a legitimate, heartfelt, observational truth. How often do we of the generations subsequent to the Greatest Generation actually stop to ponder how the world has changed (for better or worse)? And what contribution are we making to forge a better world?

65 years ago, my grandfather stood with his peers and fought against fascism, genocide and unbridled imperialism. Stuff not unlike what we're exporting now. The technology that made his spinal surgery possible (and thus, years of additional comfort and mobility) also makes the world smaller. Makes it easier to communicate and yet easier to be misunderstood. On the upside, that technology has given everyone a voice. On the downside, everyone can talk at once, in fire-and-forget soundbytes - so there's more crap to sift through. The technology that put humans on the Moon also carries death and destruction to any target in the ever-shrinking world. On the one hand, I hold a lot of hope for future humans leaving this planet to explore the galaxy beyond. On the other, I have to ask: do we deserve that privilege before we've got our collective shit together as a species?

I'm not saying my grandfather's generation didn't have its problems - they had plenty. But at least at some point they stared down an economic depression, a world war (and the curtain call in Korea), and kept a sense of optimism and hope for the future. My generation is the product of Vietnam, Watergate, OPEC embargoes and corporate media. Hard to maintain a sense of optimism when you've been conditioned by experience not to trust authority. I don't have a "solution" so much as just stating the obvious fact: that is our challenge.

"It's a different world." Amen. Food for thought.

* * *

Finished the rewrite on Duo. The aforementioned producer seems to like it. It finally has the ending I was always trying for, but never quite achieved. Unfortunately, I was so head-down in the work that I totally spaced calling my little brother to wish him happy birthday. I'm the worst big brother EVAR. Although on Sunday the kids and I met up with Gavin and some of his friends for The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D. Some of the 3D was well done, some of it was way off and gave me a headache.

Watched my region-2 UK import copy of Hannie Caulder. It's crappy quality, but I'll take it over no movie. With the new interest in westerns and exploitation movies from the '70s, why is this film not getting a new region-1 special edition? It's an underrated western, and Raquel Welch's character is arguably the inspiration behind Sharon Stone's character in Sam Raimi's The Quick and the Dead. Just a thought, Anchor Bay. We love Raquel. We love a nice spaghetti western. We love revenge plots. Give us a decent edition of Hannie Caulder.

Also watched the original 3:10 to Yuma with Glenn Ford. What a great western! I never really heard about it until the recent remake came out. Really great character study. And... IT'S GLENN FORD! Come on. How can you go wrong??

Another coffee date coming up this week, and of course Halloween tomorrow. I promise pictures.

I Has a Flavor!

Apparently...

Hot hot! I am Curry Flavoured. I have a spicy personality. If you can take the heat, you'll love me, if not, I'll probably make you cry. I am not for the faint-hearted. What Flavour Are You?

Six Bullets

• Saturday: had a brunch date, saw Elizabeth - The Golden Age (and despite it being a shamelessly pro-England propaganda piece, found it extremely well done, a satisfying sequel to the first Elizabeth film). We went out to coffee afterwards.
• Sunday: hung out with the kids, watched movies, did projects.
• Monday: got a ton of work done, especially on the currently top-secret collaboration with a well-known actor whose name I cannot yet reveal. I'm diggin' the concept.
• Today: FINALLY got my car back from the dealership - took it in two weeks ago to get the driver's side seatbelt fixed and ended up with a whole new SRS harness... all the airbags, all the pre-tensioned belts, all replaced. Gotta love that warranty!
• While the Kia was in the shop, the dealership didn't have any extra loaner cars, so they put me in an Enterprise rental. Unfortunately the first car (a 2007 Taurus) was a piece of crap, so after a couple days I switched out at the West Seattle location into a 2008 Monte Carlo coupe. I don't think I'd ever own one, but it was definitely preferable to the Taurus! Nonetheless, I now have my Sportage back, and I'm a happy man!
• Several of my peeps are in plays around town, so I think I have a lot of theater to go see in the next week.
  

Grindhouse, As Promised

Having a couple kids, I don't always get to go see "grown up" movies in the theater, and must await their arrival on DVD. Such was the case of the Grindhouse double feature of Robert Rodriguez' Planet Terror and Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof. Please remember this is only one filmmaker's opinion - I don't claim to be the definitive authority on anything, so if you absolutely love or hate these directors, save the fan/hate mail for them.

Planet Terror - I don't always like everything Rodriguez does, but I *always* respect his maverick, low-budget process. And more often than not, I actually *do* like his work. He's consistently pushing the envelope in terms of the Hollywood production model, creating films one either loves or hates, and when a director creates something that inspires such vehement emotion (on either side of the coin), in my opinion, that's the very essence of art. Look at Sin City. Love it or hate it, you cannot deny it is a work of staggering visual genius.

So let me preface my commentary on PT by saying I didn't start out a Rodriguez fan. I thought his half of From Dusk 'Til Dawn blew goats, and totally didn't fit with Tarantino's first half. Then I went back and discovered El Mariachi, and followed that trilogy through Desperado and Once Upon a Time in Mexico. And that won me over. I finally started to understand this guy. Then I took Tyler to the first Spy Kids movie, and it blew my mind - here's a director who can clearly compartmentalize the creative process and make different kinds of films for completely different audiences, with a high standard of technical quality on a low budget (thus "buying" himself more creative control on his projects).

Anyway, I've grown to respect the man as an auteur (he frequently writes, produces, directs, directs his own photography, edits and scores his films), and must say Planet Terror was a filmmaker's dream to watch. The DVD is the extended unrated cut, and since I missed the general release I don't know how it varies. But it does include a trailer for a fake movie called Machete, in the best grindhouse exploitation tradition. Cheech Marin as a shotgun-toting priest who delivers one of the best, most trite lines I've ever heard delivered: "God has mercy. I don't."

Planet Terror is a zombie movie. More specifically, it is THE zombie movie. A rural Texas population is exposed to a military chemical experiment gone awry, and soon popstar Fergie is getting her brain eaten. The cast is a smorgasbord of talent from across the spectrum of TV and cinema: Jeff "Lawnmower Man" Fahey, Michael "The Terminator" Biehn, Josh "The Goonies" Brolin, Michael "Twin Peaks" Parks, Bruce "Sin City" Willis, Tom "Dawn of the Dead" Savini, Carlos "El Mariachi" Gallardo, Freddy "Six Feet Under" Rodriguez, Marley "Pleasantville" Shelton, and the incredible Rose "The Black Dahlia" McGowan (and an army of really great quirky character actors). The plot revolves around a disparate group of uninfected folks having to fight their way through zombies that go POP! when you shoot 'em, through the infected soldiers at the military base, and into the helicopters that will take them to a remote part of Mexico.

It's ludicrous-level violence, and the "film" is "aged" to look like a piece of celluloid that's been chewed up by a projector over and over again. I found this to be particularly impressive, since Rodriguez shoots in HD video. The color correction and aging are perfect. There's even a point at which the film breaks and burns, and we get a MISSING REEL slide from "The Management", only to be thrown back into the movie at a later point in the story. Now, this is not the first time a film has been artificially aged and/or chopped up to convey a story. The parody Amazon Women on the Moon did exactly that. But the way in which Rodriguez uses the gimmick clearly evokes the visceral grindhouse movie experience - I loved it. I mean, come on: a stripper loses her leg and has it replaced with an automatic rifle!! A doctor carries around a hypodermic needle pistol strapped to her leg!! Fergie gets her brain eaten!! What's not to love??

Which made Death Proof somewhat of a disappointment in comparison. Although it has a totally able cast (Kurt Russell, Zoe Bell, Rosario Dawson, Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Tracy Thoms, Rose McGowan, Jordan Ladd & Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and a workable premise for an exploitation movie, it felt like most of the second act was more like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I mean, I like Tarantino's writing more than his direction most of the time, but this was chatty even for him, and it didn't necessarily do anything to advance the plot. And while the film (and Tarantino does shoot on actual film) carries some of the wear & tear that Planet Terror uses to such great effect, by the middle of the film it's pretty much gone, and we're watching a pristine print, which kind of defeats the purpose of using the gimmick in the first place. It was almost like Tarantino, with his vast, impressive knowledge of film history, was trying to make a good-looking product, and in doing so, misses the point of making something look crappy on purpose. Death Proof is not a bad film (certainly not his worst), but is completely outclassed by the total camp sci-fi horror experience that is Planet Terror.

On the upside, the chase sequences and car stunts are AMAZING, and the first wreck has some of the most amazing cinematic violence ever put on film, in my opinion - another application of the term gore-nography, for sure. But the chatty stuff just distracts from the whole stalker/cat/mouse/revenge story.

And for the record, I preferred Tarantino's portion of From Dusk 'Til Dawn to Rodriguez' portion, and think QT's best screenplay was True Romance. I still think Pulp Fiction is iconic cinematic genius, and I loved Kill Bill Vol. I. So I'm not writing this as some kind of Tarantino-hater/Rodriguez-fanboy.

Also recently watched Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (wow) and Domino (Tony Scott, you are a mad genius and I love you). Those two films really deserve more than a blogger's footnote, but I really need to get to work...