Monday, May 12, 2008

5:30 AGAIN??

I don't know what it is about five-friggin'-thirty in the A-M, but once again, I found myself awakened a full two hours before the alarm. Could have been the earlier sunlight. Could have been the fact that at some point during the night Kayleigh and a stuffed buddy had crawled into bed with me (not sure when, exactly) and was breathing away in that sleeping-kid mode that makes it impossible to sleep next to after, say, 5:30AM.

There was a time when I would have just put K back in her bed and crawled into mine to eke out another hour or two. But now all I can think about is a poem by Jalaluddin Rumi, the Sufi poet:

The breeze at dawn has things to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

So I head upstairs, grab a bowl of cereal (I choose Life... get it?), catch up on some email, make a pot of green tea, open the shade in the family room and watch my little corner of West Seattle come to life.

And I think. I ponder. It's the only time when the whole house is completely quiet and still. I muse about how vastly different life was, three years ago, or one year ago, or even a month ago. I'm amazed at the way the universe works.

And that's my deep thought for the day.

K and I went out for Mother's Day dinner last night (she gives me props on M-Day, which I've never asked for, but sincerely appreciate). Tyler decided to stay home. I could have forced the issue, but being alone on M-Day is one way of grieving, and he has done so little of that. I called my grandmother in Bellingham, talked to my mom and left a voicemail for my stepmom. Didn't get a chance to talk to my sister, but I'll take care of that when we go up to Bellingham for May Birthdays on the 31st. Got an invite from the aforementioned Kris Straub to join him for dinner, but I wasn't about to go back downtown.

Oh and the best part: When K and I were getting back into the car to go home, she let out the biggest, longest belch I've ever heard come out of a 10yo girl. We were both shocked. We just sat there staring at each other with raised eyebrows. Then we cracked up in giggles. Well, giggles and chortles. There may have been a guffaw or two. And an "excuse me". And a high five.

Had a hard time keeping up on the housework this week. As if being a single guy didn't doom me to begin with (I'm not a slob, but neither am I a neat freak), having two adolescents and a full "away-game" schedule this last weekend didn't help. I have, however, figured out a terrific trick that keeps my sanity in check: I have chosen two small things I can have a lot of control over, and keep clean - which gives me a set of little victories each day.

Trick #1: I always (and I mean always) make my bed the moment I slide out of it in the morning. Nevermind the fact that I still have a few stacks of fire salvage boxes in the corners - having the centerpiece of the room neat and tidy eliminates a bunch of potential stress right there. It also gives me a flat surface on which to fold laundry.

Trick #2: The kitchen. I cruise through my galley kitchen several times a day, and with each pass I do a small amount of cleaning - wiping down countertops, throwing away trash, rinsing dishes for the big dishwasher load, putting away pots... it goes back to a very primal thing. Hearth area clean = less stress, cleaner food prep area, less chance of getting sick. Plus, it's the first thing visitors see after they walk into the front room.

I should probably think about getting my spawn to school. It's been a nice, peaceful morning. I may even get in a nap today to make up for five-friggin'-thirty in the A-M.


Anonymous said...

Yowza. Just...yowza.

Ali said...

Yay for Kayleigh giving you MDay kudos - well deserved as it is.