Sunday, April 20, 2008


I don't know what's going on. For the last week or so, I haven't been able to sleep past about 4AM, regardless of when I go to bed. It has all the signs of a creative surge, a cycle of little sleep but extreme productivity. And yet, I don't feel more productive or creative, nor do I feel the vocational stress I usually feel during these cycles. I actually feel more serene and sure of my trajectory than I have in ages.

I canceled my gym membership. After almost three years, I realized that aside from a couple periods of daily training, I wasn't using it enough to be cost effective. I've been doing more and more walking, stretching and isometrics at home, and now have a huge yard to maintain. We'll see how well it works this summer, and if I find that I'm just not getting enough cardio, I'll re-up.

Got word from Heath: The Ballad of Mary Jo and Elliot's Wake were not submitted to STIFF, so that leaves Heath and Mark out this year (except for the credits they got on Ordinary Angels). So we're down to only four films in the festival, two of them from D Constructed. I'm cool with that.

The kids and I did our movie night on Thursday this week, so I had Trish and Dan and Mark (who ran lights for Deathtrap) over for a little film noir fest on Friday. The Maltese Falcon and The Dark Corner (with a young Lucille Ball as the blond and gorgeous girl Friday). I had a blast, chowing down on pizza and drinking beer and wine with film geek friends.

Saturday the weather gods could not come to a consensus, so it was warm and sunny, then overcast, then rained, then mushy hail, then cold and sunny, then (I shit you not) it snowed. Big honkin' flakes of snow, which of course didn't end up sticking because it's almost May - didn't you get the memo?? JD came over for lunch and a movie since his wife is across the Pond visiting family and he didn't want to just hole up with the cats and World of Warcraft. Then I met up with Hans and Ron in City of Heroes for awhile. It was just that kind of day.

Today is coffee with Ron, then an OA series meeting with Trish and Dan, then prepping kids for school on Monday. And hopefully getting a nap in there sometime. JD and I joked about getting older and naps being awesome. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that in another couple weeks I'll be 40. I think a certain level of disbelief might be due to the fact that so much of my thirties was taken away from me - through grief and tragedy and recovery. Meh. I don't want to sound whiny. Just stating a fact: much of my thirties was rushed, hushed, suppressed or ignored. And there's a certain melancholy at not having a partner to share in the birthday milestone. But that's a whole other tangent, and I feel like I've rambled enough this morning.


Dennis said...

Yes, you were forced beyond your years in that last decade but speaking from the other side, everyone pretty much wants to grab some more childhood when climbing that 40th hill (or pothole depending on your viewpoint). -Dennis

Anonymous said...

4 a.m. What do you do with yourself that early? I'd probably just lie in bed, enjoying the silence---something that doesn't occur often with three boys under my roof! It sounds as if you're enjoying a nice weekend :) I turned 33 this year and wondered where the time has flown! I can only imagine, with all that your thirties held, how quickly it must have gone. I hope that 40 ushers in positive new experiences and joy.

tbone said...

Hey thanks guys. Nix, what do I do with myself? I take advantage of the still and quiet, and I write or get financials in order, or do art, or sometimes just sit in my family room and sip a cup of green tea while I watch the sun come up out the back window.

33 (your "Jesus year" as a new friend of mine calls it) should be the start of some real wisdom accumulation and shifting of outlook. My Jesus year was hit with the twin barrels of Sam's diagnosis, then my dad's. Let's hope you won't need that life experience to gain new wisdom! :)

Be well!