Thursday, January 18, 2007

Crash

Sometimes it just happens.

You could have the most productive day, everything going right... and BAM! The wave just hits you. I don't think I've had one for a few months. Not like this. Not sitting in bed until 4AM crying 'til dry and sick to my stomach.

That's one of the reasons I haven't posted all this week, and why this post is so short. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it. It felt almost like I was forgetting what Sam felt like, or something... like I wasn't feeling her presence anymore. It felt like goodbye. And it was horrible.

Stuff is happening, life rolls on, and I think I may have just passed another milestone. But I don't know for sure. I want to talk to some of my widda pals and see if this has happened to them.

The Dining Room DVD is finished. The full assembly of the Ordinary Angels rough cut is finished. And Randy was able to find a lot of our old music in his archives that I no longer have (or even had in the first place). And I did this.

2 comments:

Ali said...

I understand the 'forgetting' feeling.

Non-widows equate forgetting with healing, yet it feels quite the opposite. Unthinkable. And yet it seems to be happening anyway. Calm waters seem to quickly return to maelstrom conditions for me at times.

Really like the poster.

Ali

go_go yubari said...

(((Todd)))

From my experience, the waves used to be more "expected" when I was at the pre-1yr mark. Nowadays, they seem to hit, often-times with greater intensity, and usually when I least expect them. And accompanying them, every once in a while, is the surreal feeling - that oh!shit moment when you realize that they're gone...they're really gone...and this really IS your so-called life :(

It's good that you have creative outlets - use them to get out of your head...believe me, it does wonders for the irratic widda psyche.

Hugs
Lisa