This is the Day

As part and parcel with this '80s phase (mostly due to going through many boxes of fire-scarred memories), I burned a CD with a lot of my favorite '80s alternative. Stuff I was listening to back in the olden days. Yes, I know I can't live in the past. This reinforcement is simply giving me the strength I need to dig through boxes and sort through the emotions associated with them. For instance, I found Sam's cheerleader uniform from high school, with her rally squad letter. Damn, but that was a kick in the gut.

The point being, I know that when I'm done sorting through boxes and framing old pictures, I'll be able to put those memories aside for a time, and not have to dwell on them. But for now, yes, I'm wallowing a little. And that's okay. Because I said. And nobody makes the rules for my grief experience but me. That rat bastard.

Sorry - back to the music. I was listening to this compilation CD of '80s alternative when This is the Day by The The (aka Matt Johnson) began its tinkly little opening arpeggio. Found myself singing along to it. Found myself singing through honest-to-God tears. For no apparent reason, save for the fact that the words just may have had the effect of an epiphany. I mean, I've always liked the song - even planned a college animation project around it. But for some reason the meaning had never felt as strong or as clear - it was like I'd been saving it up for 22 years.

Well... you didn't wake up this morning
'cause you didn't go to bed
You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red
The calendar on your wall is ticking the days off

You've been reading some old letters
You smile and think how much you've changed
All the money in the world couldn't buy back those days

You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky
This is the day your life will surely change
This is the day when things fall into place

You could've done anything, if you'd wanted
And all your friends and family think that you're lucky
But the side of you they'll never see
Is when you're left alone with the memories
That hold your life together like glue

You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky
This is the day your life will surely change
This is the day when things fall into place