Rhymes With Drowning

The End.

2008-05-31T07:37:00.000-07:00

I know I neglected to mention the passing of Harvey Korman, but there were already a lot of beautiful tributes out there, including the one on Lisa's blog.

Had Raechelle over for movies last night. We walked around Westwood to look at shoes for her "ensemble" and a gift for the bridal shower she's going to. Got some pizza from Giannoni's, came back and watched Star Wars, which, until last night, she'd never seen. Followed it up with So I Married an Axe Murderer (strangely enough, not a bad date movie), and more discussion until late.

The kids and I are off to Bellingham today for our May Birthday celebration. Because so many of us have birthdays in May, my family gets together to celebrate on one day. I kick off the month, followed by Tyler, my stepdad Bob, then sister Sara and grandmother Dorothy (both on the same day). Caleb is going to hang out with us (since he's still in Bellingham for another couple months). Looking forward to some family time.

More plans tonight... and that's about it for Rhymes With Drowning. It's been a good experience for me, a healing and educational experience, and I hope my journey has touched others in a positive way.

Thanks to everybody for your readership, your support, your wonderful comments and emails. Not everybody processes externally, but I have found that when I do, it keeps me honest - with myself and others. Hopefully the first post over at Life 2.0 will be interesting, and not just "walked to the store for milk... prices high..." But I've learned not to rush to the destination, no matter where and what it is. There are lessons to be learned and great joy to be shared along the journey.

Peace.

Dear Pop

2008-05-30T07:01:00.000-07:00

Here we are, three years to the day since I last heard your voice. Three years since I called you in UW Hospital to tell you about our canine acquisition, Wiley. Three years since I told you I loved you without having to say it to an empty room.

A lot has happened in those three years, Dad. Much of it is documented here. The end result is that the firstborn son that you once carried around Europe in a backpack, the kid you did Cub Scouts and YMCA Indian Guides with, the boy you taught to be a man, is doing just fine. You would love that I'm back to working in my chosen field, which you once invested in by helping me finish my first film. You would be amazed at the growth and maturity in your grandchildren. You would celebrate the huge leaps ahead in my own emotional evolution.

You would be proud of me, Dad.

You ARE proud of me.

I think about you every day, and although you're not here physically to share my joys and my darkness, I can feel your presence in those quieter moments. After all, energy never dies; it just changes form.

Now as I'm about to close, I have my '70s playlist going (as it reminds me most of growing up with you). And wouldn't you know it, Three Dog Night's "One" just came on. You're a funny guy, Pop.

Be well.

A State of Mind

2008-05-29T18:17:00.000-07:00

So in reading Raechelle's post about Free Ballard Day ("Uff da!"), I learned a lot about our Nordic immigrant cousins across Elliott Bay. It also led me to the West Seattle entry at the same site, and what I found made me laugh. The opening sentence reads:

West Seattle -- the oldest and the biggest of Seattle’s neighborhoods -- is both a peninsula and a state of mind.

Heh heh. Yeah. Yeah, I'd have to agree with that.

STIFF Reminder

2008-05-29T12:33:00.001-07:00

If you are in the Seattle area and want to come check out some bleeding edge films, you can buy tickets online for certain features and film blocks. Ordinary Angels plays with the feature Sullen, and the descriptively titled Jack the Vomiter. Should be interesting!

A Respectful Request

2008-05-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

It's always been my opinion that life tends to throw enough drama at you that you're better off not creating your own. Of course, when two active bloggers with established readerships find themselves in a dating situation, it is inevitable that there will be crossover. One blogger's posse will go check out the other blogger, out of voyeuristic thrill, protective instinct or just simple curiosity. And while that's all fine and dandy, there is also the potential for misunderstanding or inappropriate commentary. And that can put pressure on a situation that certainly doesn't benefit from more pressure.

So I would just like to acknowledge the wonderful and loving support of my readers - and ask them not to make overly familiar or inappropriate comments on Raechelle's blog (or mine). My email address is easily obtained, and I'd love to hear from you in that medium.

Edit: This is not directed at the moms. :-)

Grace is Gone

2008-05-28T18:55:00.000-07:00

Wow. I would not have been able to handle this film a year or two ago. Wow.

Can I just say, John Cusack is the MAN. I've seen him do romantic comedy. I've seen him do madcap. I've seen him do film noir and historicals and action and even thriller/horror. But I've really never seen him do a small, personal, heavy drama. And man, does he ever pull it off. There is nothing he can't do!

It's an incredibly simple premise: an ex-Army father of two girls (8 and 12) receives the news that his wife has been killed serving in Iraq. And that's where the film starts. I won't say any more of the plot, only to say that the film is an amazing portrait of grief, denial, and family dynamics. The one thing that got to me was the father's character quirk of constantly calling the home answering machine, just to hear the wife's voice.

I used to do that. Sam's voice was on our cell phone's outgoing greeting for a couple months, until I "accidentally" erased it and forced myself to step up and record my own.

And, interestingly enough, as I was watching Cusack run through the gamut of painful emotion, and although it did resonate with my own experience, I felt more pity for the character than any pain in myself. More a sense of "Oh yeah... I remember that. Poor guy."

Yeah, this shift is a REALLY good thing.

Speaking of which, I had lunch with Raechelle today. Took some sandwiches by her office and we walked down to Lake Union and sat on some park benches, had ourselves a Cameron Crowe/Nora Ephron scene. Joked about collaborating on a screenplay someday. Hmmmm.

Chores and work are both piling up. I feel like I was productive overall, but even with so many projects crossed off the list, more gets added to the bottom. It's always the way.

Well Crap.

2008-05-27T11:42:00.000-07:00

Sydney Pollack just died.

Cancer.

Like we have enough good directors to spare.

Crap.

Fated to Make It

2008-05-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

That's the actual title of my horoscope today. Fated to Make It. Awesome.

In other news, something major has shaken loose in my life. As can be surmised by my last few posts, I'm no longer in the thick fog of grief. I'm no longer acutely feeling the pangs of separation from Sam & my dad. And although it would be foolish to think I would never feel a wave now and then, it is very obvious to me that I've learned how to stay afloat and even swim.

I'm no longer drowning.

It's not just the potential in a new relationship. It's not just a hand-wave and "time heals all wounds". It's not that. Something major has shifted, and that's the best I can describe it. An old door has closed and a new one opened, and my second life lies ahead. Personally and professionally - it's all ahead now.

I know a lot of my readership comes from links from various locations in the widowed community, and my comment forms and email inbox is a testament to how useful this blog has been to them (as well as therapy for me), and I want to thank everyone for their love and support and occasional indulgence while I very publicly navigated three years of intense grief and trauma. Some would never keep such a public account of so personal an experience, but I believe in helping others by example whenever possible.

I am not leaving the blogosphere, but neither am I defined by my losses or my grief. To do so would yield too much power to unworthy influences. But Rhymes With Drowning has clearly arrived at its final destination. I will update through the end of May.

Starting in June (after the three-year marker of my dad's death), I'm launching the Life 2.0 blog to document this new existence and keep family and friends up to date. Thank you all for supporting Rhymes With Drowning, and feel free to link to Life 2.0 when it goes live in June.

And if any publishers want to talk to me regarding the grief experiences of a young widower and the string of events that followed, I'm at todd(at)deep7(dot)com.

Peace.

Memorial Day

2008-05-26T20:14:00.000-07:00

Well.

Deep subject.

Took the kids to see Indy 4 on Sunday afternoon. Meh. I don't even have the energy to point out everything that was lacking, so I'll just leave it at "meh".

Raechelle came out to dinner on Sunday evening with the kids, and was a big hit all around. I showed her the DVD from the Deathtrap production, and she enjoyed seeing Trish and Raff, people she knows in casual company, on stage doing what they do. She'd never seen Young Frankenstein, so that was a must. She was all over it. Plus a bottle of wine and much conversation equals a great evening.

This morning I took Kayleigh to get a swimsuit and picked up a few T-shirts in XL, as my clothes are starting to get baggy on me. Tyler went to Gavin's to hang out some more (by choice), and I took Kayleigh up to hang with Katherine in Ballard which, luckily, is where Raechelle lives. So we were able to have lunch at Jai Thai in the Fremont, followed by a quick trip into the local PCC, followed by hanging out and conversing until mid-afternoon.

Got to meet Raechelle's good friend Jamie (a total sweetheart, unsurprisingly). I think I made a good impression - always good to get the best friends in one's corner, ya know. Because she's going into oncology radiology, we had some technical stuff to talk about, as well as general pop culture. It was too brief, but a good start. Picked up Kayleigh, and Raechelle joined us for dinner at the Hi-Life (the Ballard sister restaurant to Endolyne Joe's in West Seattle). Picked up Tyler at Gavin's and settled into school night mellowness.

I had a GREAT weekend. (many smileys)

Great Weekend So Far...

2008-05-25T07:44:00.000-07:00

It didn't start out so nice, however. Tyler and I had a marathon argument on Friday that escalated to the point that I had to take him to Gavin's again, so the two of us could cool off. He spent the night at Gavin's while I made a huge pot of spaghetti, garlic bread, and garden salad for Dan, Trish, Raff, Kayleigh and Raechelle (the artist formerly known as RM). There may have been wine involved as well. A screening of The Specials and Free Enterprise later, and everybody went home happy.

Saturday began with lovely sunny weather. I haven't been sleeping much past 6AM recently (regardless of what time I go to bed), so I came up and watched Gone Baby Gone, which I've had sitting around in its Netflix envelope for two weeks. I found the cast to be top-notch, the story compelling, the script strong (in my opinion, where Ben Affleck excels), and the direction (Affleck again) steady and controlled.

Once Kayleigh was up and I'd grabbed a shower, we took a change of clothes over to Tyler, and I offered to pick him up. He wanted to hang out at Gavin's some more, so K and I went down to Alki for lunch. We hung out on the cement wall and watched people flirt with the water at low tide. Folklife is happening this weekend, so it was a rare sunny Saturday with low traffic at Alki. And I found the perfect parking spot right in front of Tully's. The perfect base camp for all your Alki journeys.

Lunch at The Celtic Swell, and back home to drop Wiley off for a playdate with Darlene's pair of fuzzy children, Luna and Blue. Came home and crashed for an hour, picked up Wiley, played some guitar, crashed again for another quick nap (don't start with the "old man" thing - I'm not sleeping at night, so I have to make it up somehow).

Had plans to meet Raechelle on Cap Hill for a movie and dinner. Threw on a freshly washed pair of Levis from the dryer (usually I have to skin them on and wiggle around to stretch them out), and found them hanging off me. Did up my belt to the last notch and they still were hanging. All my XXL T-shirts I used to fill out are now tents. Maybe quitting the gym was the best thing I could have done, because it's kicked my ass into being more active in general. I sense a summer clothing excursion coming up.

Anyway, met up with Raechelle, had a lovely dinner at the grill around the corner from the Harvard Exit. Went and saw The Visitor. Fantastic film. Go see it now.

And here's where it gets interesting for you, the reader. She's a blogger. I'm a blogger. We haven't set down the guidelines yet, but I'm sure you're in for a fascinating read.

At this point, I will just say I feel hopeful. Truly hopeful, on an emotional level. More than I have in a long time. And although the armor is nowhere near 100% shed at this point... well... I feel hopeful. 'Nuff said.

Robert Asprin, RIP

2008-05-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

Just found out last night that Robert Asprin, author of the Myth Adventures comedy-fantasy novels and creator of Thieves World, has gone to the Great Writer's Group in the Sky. I only knew him from the Myth Adventures books, but his work was a staple in sci-fi/fantasy circles. He was a gifted author with a razor-sharp wit.

As was said on my industry email list, "he will be mythed."

Script Doctor

2008-05-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

Busted my butt yesterday to crank out a draft of the short we're doing with Gigi, handed it off feeling pretty good about where it stood. There's always a balancing act between the notes which contain the full spectrum of emotional experience and a script, which should only convey that which is visible or audible. I'm finding my college Screenwriting 101 coming in very handy right now.

Went up to Ballard, dropped the kids off at Katherine's to get some early season swimming in, and went to dinner at Señor Moose, a little authentic Mexican café that features a gluten-free menu. The food was amazing, and I must say the scenery was exquisite. Had some sangria and enchiladas de la plaza. Took home half for lunch today.

Came home to an inbox full of script notes, which I'm sorting through today, between sorting out some financials and cleaning my house for movie night. I think Life of Brian is on tap.

Memorial Day Weekend is here. Plan to catch a couple of movies in release: The Visitor (which Dan Heinrich raved about) and of course, taking the kids to Indy. Karen Allen is back, which is a big reason I'm going - Marion Ravenswood is a great character and easily the best Indy girl ever. And THAT'S not hyperbole. She was the only female character in the series to equal Indiana Jones in courage and, dare I say, moxie.

Have a great long weekend! I'll leave you with this...

Visigoths?

2008-05-21T15:39:00.000-07:00

I reiterate my previous offer to sell my children to any marauding Visigoth war bands. Or Vikings. Gypsies are so last year.

It started the moment Kayleigh got home from school (2-hour early dismissal), when she and Tyler just locked horns out of nowhere and would not stop baiting and provoking each other. It ended with Kayleigh sobbing on the couch and Tyler doing his emo fuming thing. Then off to counseling, then still more drama with Tyler, which resulted in his removal to Uncle Gavin's house. A quiet evening with Kayleigh doing her school report on Helen Keller and me venting to a few friends on the phone. Just before bedtime, a very contrite Tyler was delivered home.

I was supposed to work on the Gigi script yesterday, but with early dismissal for Kayleigh paving the way for early chaos at home, it didn't get touched. Today, I swear. And I'm gonna reward myself by letting a friend take me to dinner and let the kids have some grandma time with Katherine.

So there.

* * *

And from the "hmmmm" pile:

Ever notice how the opening riff from Nirvana's "Come As You Are" is exactly the same as Killing Joke's "Eighties"? Apparently there was litigation.

Skin that Smokewagon

2008-05-20T17:10:00.000-07:00

"Skin that smokewagon and see what happens..." - Kurt Russell, Tombstone

If you read the comments about two posts down, you'll see a friendly jousting match between myself and Dan Heinrich. Apparently my hyperbolic comment about the film Tombstone as "one of the best American movies ever made" tripped something in his brain, and he brought some cinema fu on my ass. He thinks he won by getting a qualifier, I think I won by proving my superior westernology - in reality, it's probably a draw. Get it? A draw. Because they're cowboys. With guns.

The exchange is an entertaining capsule of what film geeks do. Given what I know of other circles of geekery (whether it be football, NASCAR or knitting), it's really no different.

And although I will concede my original hyperbole (having qualified it as "one of the best American WESTERNS"), I will still say this: Kane, Waterfront, Godfather... they may be technically superior films - and I love them, but I'm a lot more likely to pop Tombstone in the DVD player on a given night. And its production design belongs up there with the greats.

Where we seem to agree is on the gem that is Silverado, but that's tons of fun because of a great cast doing a witty (and completely anachronistic) script, written and directed by Larry Kasdan. For popcorn western fun, Silverado, hands down. For historically accurate western drama, it's still Tombstone.

Don't get me started on film noir or swashbucklers...

Proud Pop

2008-05-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

Kayleigh performed in her spring concert tonight. She's in advanced band after only a year and a summer of prior instruction, a consummate clarinetist. The program was all over the road, from the beginning students doing the requisite Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to the advanced string ensemble doing some really nice arrangements.

Ooh, and look what we saw in the Subway parking lot on our way to school... sweet ride, no? I hate to think how much the owner is paying for gas right now, but it's beautiful nonetheless. I thought it was funny that the license plate says TRUBL, and I was wearing my TROUBLE FINDS ME T-shirt.

More drama with Tyler. I'm so tired of it.

Another Monday

2008-05-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

And I've got Traspassers William cranked in the office. They're like Mazzy Star on Quaaludes. Good waking up music when you're not quite sure how to approach the day.

Yesterday began as most Sundays do: with a great coffee chat at the Westwood Barnes & Noble with photographer buddy (and former business partner twice over) Ron. We usually cover movies & other media first, then get into the meaty topics of politics & religion. On the political front, Ron is the moderate conservative to my moderate liberal, the Adams to my Jefferson. Every week is an amazing conversation filled with witty banter and earnest debate, and it never devolves into name-calling or poo-flinging. It's like the 21st Century version of the old pre-Revolution pub debates. Interestingly, maybe 8 times out of 10 we come to a consensus, and have repeatedly solved the world's problems over coffee and a bagel. Alas, nobody from the federal government has called to consult with us. More's the pity; we'd be out of the Middle East and driving electric cars by now if they did.

That's right. I just used a semicolon.

Got home in time to say hi to Mike Berg (the bass player on the Requiem CD) as he arrived to pick up his daughter. Found my guitar tuner, which had gone missing for several weeks. Maybe on holiday in Aruba. Looked for my capo, but now that's gone missing. I think maybe the capo and the tuner are in cahoots. I don't know what cahoots are, but I think they are in them. Or they are in fact the same piece of equipment and morph at will. That's pretty disturbing. Played guitar for half an hour until Trish and Dan showed up. Trish cooked a seafood stew with Kayleigh while Dan and I went up to Northgate for a very long but productive Duo budget meeting. Outside. With beer.

Came home and Made sure Miles got picked up, chatted with his mom for a minute. Talked with RM on the phone, then called my stepdad to wish him a happy birthday. Nobody home. Sang off-key and left a lovely voicemail. Cooked up pasta and Caesar salad with the kids.

When the kids were in bed and all was quiet (and I should have retired to my own room), instead I opened Photoshop and started working on the new Duo poster. The original file died on one of the melted hard drives in the fire, so I have to completely reconstruct it from visual reference of the old version. Next weekend, Ron is coming over to shoot stills of Eric Riedmann and Devielle Johnson, which I will insert in place of the real Steve & JD.

Collapsed in bed about midnight, wide awake at 6.

Dammit.

And now Tyler's back to fighting about school. Sigh.

Prolific AND Handy

2008-05-17T16:34:00.001-07:00

What's up with the multiple posts?? My friends will have a hell of a time catching up. Well, at least it's better than too few posts, and that will happen when Duo goes into production. For the time being, I can afford to be a bit prolific in my blogging, especially since so much seems to be happening.

While Tyler and his buds were playing videogames on the big screen, I finished the job I started yesterday by attacking the yard with the mower. West Seattle is really the only neighborhood left with these big lots, a selling point when we originally bought the house. But as I've found, you pay for a large yard in sweat. There was a time when I hated to do yardwork. Now I don't mind so much. Gets me outdoors for a bit, works up an honest sweat, and greatly improves the look and functionality of my property.

Our lot is about 9200sf, and the house footprint only takes up 1100sf of that. Most of the rest, dear readers, is yard. Front, back, side. Muchas grassy-ass. Fortunately, I had the testosterone-laden soundtrack of the workout playlist on my phone, which sure as hell beats the drone of the mower. Kayleigh also came outside with her mp3 device, so we were at least somewhat present in the same space, if not on the same aural bandwidth.

When I was done, I grabbed a mandatory shower and did cake with the birthday boy (good Lord, I'm now the father of a 14 year old), his friends Miles & Philip, and Kayleigh. I should really say they did cake and I was present for it. I haven't been eating much the past few days, and what I have eaten has found a way to rebel against my GI tract. I don't think it's a bug. Might be stress induced.

Anyway, the party disbanded and I was able to grab a quick nap (after being awakened at 4:30 AM by another dream and killing time until I had to take Gavin & Michelle to the airport at 6:30). Got up, played some guitar. Kayleigh wants to record some more, and has requested to do a cover of "Forest of Dreams", our first ATF single. While that's all very well and good, the song was originally composed on the piano, and I'd never really arranged a guitar version. So once that was sorted out, it sounded smooth. When she was done practicing "Forest of Dreams", I strummed out a few covers of euro-folk favorites, including this, and this. Which reminds me, I need to replace this CD which died a horrible fiery death back in February 2006, and is in fact one of my Desert Island Discs. The arrangement of "Forbidden Colours" on this album is far more emotionally intense than the original, composed as the theme for the film Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence.

Sent a ping out to a couple local musicians to gauge interest in composing some original music for the Duo soundtrack. Both responded very favorably. I love the stuff Brian Chase has already composed, and will definitely use it, but I want to replace some of the older, non-Brian tracks with some new stuff specifically written for the film. That way, most everything will be Duo-specific (which is this close to being an oxymoron). One of the two musicians approached was the one and only Kyle Stevens, who much impressed me during his live acoustic set with Gigi Edgley at ECC.

* * *

Just got back from Tyler's birthday dinner at Elliott Bay Brew Pub. I managed a salad and half a chicken gyro, but barely touched the fries (and even that is making me a bit crampy). Tyler and Miles went nuts with the seafood, and Kayleigh stuck with her old standby, chicken tenders. Came home to find a seedless watermelon from Darlene & James, and Mike Berg called in a childcare favor, so I'm gonna have four kids here tonight. I have meetings all day tomorrow. I think a screening of Tombstone is in order. Only one of the best American films ever made. But then I really don't have an opinion or anything.

A Toucan? Really?

2008-05-17T07:55:00.000-07:00

See, this is what it's come to.

I don't often remember my dreams, so when I do, it's usually for a reason, and the subject matter is usually pretty relevant in my life.

So a couple nights ago, I dreamed I was in my kitchen, cutting fresh strawberries for the kids. The front door was open, but the screen was closed. Suddenly I caught a flutter of movement out of the corner of my eye and looked toward the screen to see a toucan hopping around the front porch, trying to get at the door handle.

Now, of all the things I've dreamed about in my entire life, I have honestly never once dreamed of a toucan (at least that I recall). Seems pretty random at first blush, so I filed it away for future reference. I've seen toucans live and up close before, and this one was a beautiful specimen. Deep black body with a white breast and green around the eyes (which I've seen on parrots, but never toucans). The bill was a bit faded - not the vibrant orange, lemon, cherry and other natural flavors (ugh - curse you, Fruit Loops!). I mean, the normally orange and yellow bill was a bit faded with age or malnourishment. And man, this little thing wanted IN.

So I opened the door, and it hopped in, looking very much like it owned the place. I'm all, "Uh, hello... come on in, won't you?" Because apparently even in my dreams I'm a sarcastic ass. I tossed a strawberry, which it caught in midair, and immediately its bill flushed with color. More strawberries, more color. Then it hopped up onto my shoulder, and I went back into the kitchen to finish puttering like it was the most natural thing in the world. With my toucan. Let me repeat, for effect. With. My. Toucan. I gotta say, it's a bit bizarre for me to be saying that, as aside from giving my dad his Amazon bluefront parrot, Admiral Nelson, I'm not a real bird guy. And certainly not avid enough to be a tropical bird guy on top of that.

The vibe of the dream was extremely positive. Like more positive than I've had in recent memory. It was a mood of happy discovery, of letting in the new. And the best part is when I was poking around the dream analysis sites and actually found a reference to toucans! And I quote:

"To dream of a toucan foretells a period of good luck. If the dream focused on the toucan's beak, you may soon have a change of residence."

And while I wouldn't say the dream focused on the beak, it was certainly a factor. The overriding sensation was definitely happy, fun, positive and new.

Pretty wacky, huh?

Stand or Fall

2008-05-16T13:15:00.001-07:00

I wanna thank my high school broadbuddy (that's a "girlfriend" like chicks have "girlfriends", literally a platonic friend who is a girl) Beth for the wonderful guffaw that is the icanhascheezburger pic right here. Probably only history geeks like me get the humor in that, but I don't care. That is teh funneh, as the kids say...

True to my word, I've been playing my massive '80s music collection at work this morning. And when this came up in the playlist, I decided to go check out the music video on YouTube, as I'd never seen it back in the day (which, as Dane Cook is quick to point out, was a Wednesday).

Well bugger me with a fish fork. It's a perfect specimen of early '80s MTV concept videos, complete with Cy Curnin sporting the same hairstyle I had in about '83, wearing the white pants (oh GAWD, the white pants), featuring a white peace flag, a white horse, and a tank.

'Cause you know, if I ever went into combat, the first guys I'd call for backup would be an '80s new wave band.

/snark

My Face is Crimson

2008-05-16T07:01:00.000-07:00

[embarrassed chuckle]

After all the whining I did last night, I got to sleep as my head hit the pillow at 11:15, and I slept like a teenager until 6:40AM. That's more than 7 hours, almost twice what I've been getting. I guess the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

I feel great.

Plus, the sun is out, and it's supposed to hit the 80s today. Maybe I should celebrate with '80s music while I work. That's clever. I was hoping to join a friend down at Alki for lunch, but that's not going to happen today, so I'll just open the blinds, crack all the windows for a nice crossbreeze, and check off the to-do list. Maybe even mow the BACK yard.

Whoa there, cowboy. You still have to get the kids to school and take the garbage to the curb. If you're not all tuckered out after that, well then go nuts with the mower.

Movies tonight - huzzah!

A Purely Mundane Blog Post

2008-05-15T21:42:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted.

My days consist of trying to get Deep7 products released and preproduction done on the major film projects on my radar, taxi service for my kids, truant officer for my son, while trying to maintain a semblance of social order here at home (I can hear those of you with adolescents laughing at me). Yesterday it included opening up the panel on the washer to drain and dismantle the water pump, removing half a chewed up pencil and a kid's paintbrush.

By the time I've driven all over town, paid bills, edited manuscripts, designed ads, burned DVDs, posted the mail, washed dishes and cycled laundry, and picked up those little messes that seem to appear all over my house, there's precious little time or energy for me. It's getting just a little old.

Today is a perfect example. While my posts on Emerald City Comicon may have sounded glamorous, it's really just a case of 12 straight hours of face-to-face marketing. You aren't there to relax, you're there to sell. It's fun enough that I don't want to shoot myself afterward, but it's not a cushy job. It's draining. One of the old arguments Sam & I used to have was over her assumption that I was having the time of my life working in the videogame biz. Yes, I was making a good living doing art, but it wasn't my art - it was someone else's. It was soul-sucking, technical, tedious, and once again, draining work, being "creative" on a 9 to 5 schedule (and it was far more than 9 to 5, as most folks in the videogame biz are salaried, aka "exempt", aka 60+ hours on a regular basis with no OT). And of course the whole reason we started a traditional game publishing company was so that we could be drained and exhausted working on our own products.

So today was all about getting the RADZ virtual product up for sale and scheduling done for the next couple weeks. Add in some financial/retirement planning for added chuckles. Then the sun broke, and revealed that my yard once again resembled the Mekong Delta. So I hauled out the lawnmower and got to work on the front. Tyler had mowed the back yard over a two-day span a couple weeks ago for extra cash, but the funny thing about grass is that it tends to grow in rainy conditions.

Stepmom came over with a watering timer for the garden and some chicken to grill, and so after I was done mowing and edging in front, I hauled out my big table and set up the new 'q'. Tyler didn't like either the chicken or the fish stepmom had brought, and he started campaigning for me to give him money so that he could go buy hamburger to grill. I told him this is what was for dinner, and if he didn't want it, he didn't have to eat it. He went off to sulk. We ate outside - it was nice. Then I cleaned up after dinner. Meanwhile the kids were starting to campaign for letting them run around with the hose. For some reason, that little thing was the straw that broke the camel's back. I denied them access to the hose for what would have ended up in muddy puddles throughout the house, much to their bewilderment and indignation. And then I called a family meeting.

It was more of a Come-to-Jesus meeting. We've all had those at work, when a project is in trouble. Where you totally strip the issues down to their bare components. I told them how exhausted I was, constantly cleaning up after their little messes and piles and projects left half-done around the house. I praised Kayleigh for her assistance in setting up for dinner, but overall had to reassert the rules. The basic message I kept hammering home was a very simple premise: If you help out, Dad won't get exhausted and cranky cleaning up after you, and is more likely to reward you with more flexibility and privileges. If you don't help out, Dad is cranky and tired, and puts the kibosh on fun. They seemed to get it, but I don't expect it will have been a useful exercise in a week when I'm collecting glasses of moldy orange juice from Tyler's room.

And to put the perfect cap on the evening, Tyler just came upstairs, holding his broken alarm clock. The alarm clock he broke by severing the power cord (or pulling it apart). And he spent a whopping 15 minutes trying to talk me into replacing his alarm clock. Now. This very minute. At quarter to eleven at night. The same boy who either forgets to set his alarm or ignores it outright. Sigh.

I know this reads like a vent, and I guess it basically is. Sometimes it feels really rewarding, single-handedly raising a couple of terrifically bright and talented kids. Other times, I just feel tired. This is one of those times.

And now, to bed.

FOUR??

2008-05-14T05:31:00.001-07:00

Kayleigh has never been subtle about coming into my room at night when she's had a nightmare. This morning it went something like this:

BOOM! [sound of Kayleigh bursting through the door like Kramer]

Dad: (sitting bolt upright, heart racing) WHAT! Penguins! Who's on fire? Call the Air Force!

K: I had a bad dream.

Dad: (remembering what planet he's on) I'm sorry you had a bad dream, sweetie. Can you NOT come bursting into my room like some crazed ROOM-BURSTER?

K: Sorry.

Dad: In the future, can you please knock?

K: OK (goes out into the hallway, closes door)

[knock knock]

Dad: (at this point, barely stifling a laugh) Come in.

K: I had a bad dream.

Dad: Have you gone to the bathroom?

K: No.

Dad: Go use my potty. I'll bet you have to go.

K: I don't have to go.

Dad: I'll bet you do. Go try.

[sound of Kayleigh lifting the toilet lid and sitting down, followed by a tinkly, watery sound for about thirty seconds]

Dad: So, remember when I said you should go potty before I tucked you in? And you said you didn't have to go?

K: Yes.

Dad: What are you going to do next time?

K: Go potty.

Dad: Good. Gimme hugs and get back to bed, OK?

K: OK.

[enter Tyler]

T: What's going on?

Dad: Hi Tyler. Join us. We're having a convention for Kayleigh's trip to the bathroom.

T: I'm going back to bed.

Dad: Thanks for letting me know. Carry on.

[exit both kids to their respective rooms]

Dad: (looking at bedside clock) FOUR?? Four in the bloody morning?

I love my children. I love my children. I love my children. I love my children...

Brilliant Kids and Exes

2008-05-13T10:32:00.000-07:00

I swear, one day a month, my kids conspire to give me a heart attack by getting up on time and being fully ready to go to school. Tyler even packed a lunch. Of course his reason for going to school on time today is that he wants his game console cords back. But hey, if it gets him in school...

While standing at the bus stop with Kayleigh this morning, it began to piddle a bit. She immediately coined a new word: rainyish. I think we need to add that to the Seattle lexicon.

Went to a meeting with Tyler's new school counselor. She's really good and on the ball, and he seems to respond to her. We need to figure out what needs to happen to get him to pass 8th grade. He's got an A in Literature and is near failing everything else, which sure as heck points to a deeper issue and not lack of ability.

Had a nice visit from Jamie last night. Just a friendly sit-down, catch-up over a mug o' tea kind of thing. It was nice to see how we're each doing (i.e really well). As little as I felt I needed closure on that relationship (having ended back in August last year), it was really great to get the blessing and validation of an ex. And really, "ex" carries a certain negative connotation. I don't think of Jamie as an ex so much as a friend with whom I was once romantically involved. Semantics, I know. But there's a remnant of some spiritual love there, an inherent goodwill for each other that I hope will never go away.

Come to think of it, after the initial damage of my parents' divorce and their respective remarriages, the four developed and maintained a really miraculous relationship that surpassed "civil". To the point that my stepdad acted as MC at my dad's memorial service and delivered an amazing eulogy to the man who had sired children he counted as his own. Beautiful. Somewhere there's a photograph of my dad and stepdad playing chess. No politics, no bitching, just a couple guys lost in the game. And out of a whopping four relationships in the last three years (the longest of which lasted all of three months), I'm still on good terms with two of the women. Not a bad average. Anyone who says you can't be friends with an ex is clearly lacking the skill to do so (or at least the desire to try).

I feel really free now. After this amazing show last weekend, new professional avenues and associates popping up all over, I feel for the first time in over three years like I can truly spread my wings and soar into the future. A lot of it has been fulfilling commitments and checking off old projects, putting the past to bed.

And to that end, I'm excited about going out to dinner with my new friend RM tonight.

Regardless of the school issues and the kid issues and the state of one's house, what makes it worthwhile is the connections one makes and the focus one puts on the positive. Hear that, Universe? Bring me some positive.

YES!

2008-05-12T22:40:00.000-07:00

My bro Steve sent me the original, uncut 1-minute version of the old Tootsie Pop commercial. Wow...

5:30 AGAIN??

2008-05-12T07:10:00.001-07:00

I don't know what it is about five-friggin'-thirty in the A-M, but once again, I found myself awakened a full two hours before the alarm. Could have been the earlier sunlight. Could have been the fact that at some point during the night Kayleigh and a stuffed buddy had crawled into bed with me (not sure when, exactly) and was breathing away in that sleeping-kid mode that makes it impossible to sleep next to after, say, 5:30AM.

There was a time when I would have just put K back in her bed and crawled into mine to eke out another hour or two. But now all I can think about is a poem by Jalaluddin Rumi, the Sufi poet:

The breeze at dawn has things to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

So I head upstairs, grab a bowl of cereal (I choose Life... get it?), catch up on some email, make a pot of green tea, open the shade in the family room and watch my little corner of West Seattle come to life.

And I think. I ponder. It's the only time when the whole house is completely quiet and still. I muse about how vastly different life was, three years ago, or one year ago, or even a month ago. I'm amazed at the way the universe works.

And that's my deep thought for the day.

K and I went out for Mother's Day dinner last night (she gives me props on M-Day, which I've never asked for, but sincerely appreciate). Tyler decided to stay home. I could have forced the issue, but being alone on M-Day is one way of grieving, and he has done so little of that. I called my grandmother in Bellingham, talked to my mom and left a voicemail for my stepmom. Didn't get a chance to talk to my sister, but I'll take care of that when we go up to Bellingham for May Birthdays on the 31st. Got an invite from the aforementioned Kris Straub to join him for dinner, but I wasn't about to go back downtown.

Oh and the best part: When K and I were getting back into the car to go home, she let out the biggest, longest belch I've ever heard come out of a 10yo girl. We were both shocked. We just sat there staring at each other with raised eyebrows. Then we cracked up in giggles. Well, giggles and chortles. There may have been a guffaw or two. And an "excuse me". And a high five.

Had a hard time keeping up on the housework this week. As if being a single guy didn't doom me to begin with (I'm not a slob, but neither am I a neat freak), having two adolescents and a full "away-game" schedule this last weekend didn't help. I have, however, figured out a terrific trick that keeps my sanity in check: I have chosen two small things I can have a lot of control over, and keep clean - which gives me a set of little victories each day.

Trick #1: I always (and I mean always) make my bed the moment I slide out of it in the morning. Nevermind the fact that I still have a few stacks of fire salvage boxes in the corners - having the centerpiece of the room neat and tidy eliminates a bunch of potential stress right there. It also gives me a flat surface on which to fold laundry.

Trick #2: The kitchen. I cruise through my galley kitchen several times a day, and with each pass I do a small amount of cleaning - wiping down countertops, throwing away trash, rinsing dishes for the big dishwasher load, putting away pots... it goes back to a very primal thing. Hearth area clean = less stress, cleaner food prep area, less chance of getting sick. Plus, it's the first thing visitors see after they walk into the front room.

I should probably think about getting my spawn to school. It's been a nice, peaceful morning. I may even get in a nap today to make up for five-friggin'-thirty in the A-M.

Emerald City, Day 2

2008-05-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

Well I gotta say, hats off to my bro, JD Green. Dude was a friggin' rock star this weekend. By far his best ECC, and this time had the added distinction of really flying on his own, without the safety net of fellow bro and mentor Steve Hartley. Steve was booked with gigs this weekend, and although he was sorely missed, it made JD have to spread his wings. And he did, in spades. I'm proud of JD for the work he did and the fans he made, and I'm proud of Brian M. and the brothers Demonakos for making ECC into the show it is today (and will be in years to come).

Some quotes in review of RADZ:
"This is so kick ass!"
"This is darling." (said of the brute on the cover)

On my way in, I was accosted (in the best way) by Quentin Shaw, who had all sorts of gushing to do about OA. That's not only good to hear, it makes me know I'm on the right track. When you can make something that people respond to like OA has, it's the universe talking to you. We must have had a sort of up-and-coming vibe happening at the Dead Man Press table, because the word was out, and we were never short of interest, both in the OA DVDs and in the RADZ book. One young fan (big shout out to Lucas!) not only hung out by the table for a long time both days, he ended up getting a RADZ book and two commissioned pieces from JD.

So, back to JD: He did 11 commissions yesterday, and several more today in the short time I was around, and one fan who'd been collecting original art all weekend long was showing off some pieces by some heavy hitters - and then saying how JD's was better! It's gonna take weeks for his head to be able to fit through a normal doorway. But he earned it. He did a couple pieces that are going up in a comic shop in Tacoma, far from our normal haunt at The Comic Stop. It ain't just a homegrown thing anymore.

Oh yeah. And then there was the part where JD went for a rematch of the arm wrestling match he lost at last year's show, and this time beat Oeming. Talk about the capper on a perfect weekend for our boy.

I didn't get to talk to Brian B. afterward, so I don't know how he did. But I'm pretty sure our neighbor Jason Metcalf did some booming business. We might actually collaborate on something in the future. He and his wife were really great, real folks.

Got a Starslip Crisis book from Kris Straub, signed with a sketch of Chex from Checkerboard Nightmare (shown here in a cameo from my own Zingo webcomic, circa 2001) and a word balloon saying "I'm nowhere in this book!" Thanks Kris - we'll be working together soon!

There was a general murmur of relief that Duo was back on the front burner. We'd created some buzz three years ago when it was first in production, and folks still remember. And for what it's worth, nobody in the industry has ever given me their pity regarding Sam. They quietly shared condolences, but never pity. And now that I'm back up to speed and working again, it's party time. I got many pats on the back for rebounding in a big way (as if the alternative would ever be acceptable - but hey, I'll take it).

And the most surreal moment of the entire dreamscape of a weekend: Signing a copy of the REQUIEM CD for Gigi Edgley in front of a group of Gigi Edgley fans. Just crazy. She's psyched about the short film, and I'm psyched to do it.

Great show this year. Can't wait to host a film festival next year. In fact, what a premiere venue for Duo!

Surreal. No, really.

2008-05-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

Brian B. showed up at my door at 7:30AM yesterday, and we drove over half of West Seattle trying to find miniDV tapes for my camcorder. Finally found some at the Jefferson Square Safeway. Then we ducked into Easy Street Cafe (part of Easy Street Records) for some brekkies before shuttling off to the convention (aka "How you say, ah yes... THE SHOW!").

There was some kids race sponsored by Nike that was just wrapping up downtown, so the cops had a lot of the streets cordoned off, making the search for a viable parking garage problematic to say the least. We ended up 2 blocks away, not too bad.

It's a really cool feeling to be able to walk up to the VIP booth to pick up the badges. After locating JD's table inside, we began setting up. JD loved the RADZ books, and we sold a handful (signed, of course). Jason S., one of our co-authors was there, shmoozing and lining up work. So we got to have a mini-game developers party. At one point, Dennis Kleinsmith (aka Lucifer in Ordinary Angels) showed up, and helped make a DVD sale. JD began to take sketch orders. Dan & Trish showed up to check out the con and do some research for Duo. Introduced Dan, Trish and Dennis to Gigi Edgley, the heretofore unnamed actress with whom we are working on the top-secret film project, which I got permission to de-secretify. She's a big fan of OA, which is great, because I'm a big fan of hers. So, moving beyond the mutual geek-fest, Gi, Dan, Trish and I took a lunch meeting to chat about some film project particulars. I got back to the table to find JD with a sketch roster about 8 long. Dude was WORKING IT.

After lunch, I introduced Trish to Quentin Shaw, maverick comics publisher and writer (and all around icon), so that she could quiz him on some of the finer points of the biz for her character in Duo. Gavin had brought the kids to check out the convention, and they were already tired and bored, so after a short while they all went back to his house. Later, Marcio Catalano (aka Ornias in Ordinary Angels) stopped by our table. So we had JD, who played Afriel's galierii in OA, across the table from Lucifer and Ornias. JD actually made the reference that it was feeling a bit uncomfortable with two of the baddies so close at hand, to which Marcio replied, "yeah, but you've got the writer over there, and he always kills me." I thought that was funny.

So the convention formally ended at 6PM, and we ambled over to one of the panel rooms to watch the results of the costume contest, after which Gigi and local folk/rock singer-songwriter Kyle Stevens played a short acoustic set of the material on Gigi's new CD. I was introduced to a young videographer named Heather, who has a close cousin to my camera. She got the lockdown, and I went over to stage left and caught more of the closeups and stuff. Heather will edit the set. After all was said and done, Brian B. and I threw our gear back in my car and walked over to the Grand Hyatt, where the convention guests stay. While waiting for Gi to change clothes, I happened to notice Scott Kurtz (author of PVP) sitting with his homeys in the lobby. And just as I was turning around, I saw Kris Straub (author of the classic web strip Checkerboard Nightmare and Starslip Crisis) walking in, so I went and, after 8 years of email exchanges, collaborations and whatnot, finally met him face to face. We'd been talking about getting together at ECC for a couple years, and of course the way it happened was a random meeting in a hotel lobby.

After a brief conversation and plans to get together today, Kris went with his peeps and I went with mine, and we shuffled over to Pacific Place to Gordon Biersch. Brian B., Brian M., Brian M.'s wife and sister, Heather, Ian, Kyle, Kyle's wife and Gigi all unwound over beers and good food. It was a happy and somewhat surreal end to a surreal day.

And now comes day 2. I must be off.

Congrats, Old Friend

2008-05-09T11:03:00.001-07:00

I just want to take a moment to congratulate my buddy Konrad on his wedding tomorrow. He waited a long time, and found the right girl for him, and I wish them much happiness in their new life together. I would be there, but for an earlier commitment to release the RADZ book at ECC and otherwise lack of airfare funds. All my love, respect and joy on your special day. Watch the mail, bro. And yeah, I still think you look like a young Toshiro Mifune. Take it!

In other news, the RADZ books came back from the printer yesterday. The covers look great, the guts could be better, but they're salable. JD is happy, and I feel like I've redeemed myself in some fashion for the earlier shelving of the game when Sam died. It's now a tangible property and can fly on its own. Can I get an "amen"?

Happy Birthday, a day later...

2008-05-07T16:01:00.000-07:00

...to Traci Lords, who went from an abusive home to the porn industry (as an underage starlet) to legitimacy as a film and TV actress and techno-dance vocalist (I still love her 1000 Fires collaboration with Juno Reactor) and sci-fi action icon (with roles in Blade and on the SciFi series Invisible Man).

Have a good one, Traci! Apparently 40 is the new number other than 40, so enjoy.

Placeholder Birthday Post

2008-05-06T23:15:00.000-07:00

I was going to post something from my now sage vantage point in the temporal stream, but I'm a bit exhausted. Pulled an almost all-nighter last night getting RADZ to press (which included a complete re-layout), and after a lot of running around today with classic Van Halen blasting from the car, I took the kids to Pegasus for my birthday dinner. When we got home, Tyler put his foot in it, big time. I won't go into detail, but we're talking lying, dissociative behavior, and complete lockdown of privileges (including removal of computer from bedroom) until further notice. He's spending the night at my brother's, as is the result of these confrontations.

Counseling tomorrow - which is damn fortunate.

I don't like to go into too much detail with this stuff for obvious reasons. Suffice to say I'm not feeling as great about parenting now as I was just this morning.

A big thank you to all my wonderful friends and family who sent such amazing birthday wishes! With the aforementioned exception, it was a pretty good day.

I got my STIFFY

2008-05-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

Get your head out of the gutter, you gutter head. I'm talking about the award presented to all official selections at the Seattle True Independent Film Festival. Apparently Ordinary Angels had the "Best Use of Lincoln Park". I guess not a whole lot of movies shot in West Seattle include Mexican standoffs between angels and fallen, break the fourth wall with in-character testimonials and feature celestial executions. Go figure. And the fact that the festival has a policy of "every film chosen wins something", somewhat like the Special Olympics, is strangely appropriate.

Anyhoo, they are screening OA at the Jewel Box Theater (one of the first moving picture screening halls in Seattle), which is part of the Rendezvous restaurant in the Belltown neighborhood. It's also where The Addict, Behind Closed Doors and Rectify will screen. Here's the schedule:

The Addict (Friend of Bill Award) - Sat, 6/7 @ 6:15PM
Rectify (Best Dialogue) - Sat, 6/7 @ 6:15PM (looks like they're running Dan's films in a block together)
Ordinary Angels (Best Use of Lincoln Park) - Sun, 6/8 @ 1:30PM (after church, come see angels using profanity and killing each other!)
Behind Closed Doors (Law and Order Award) - Wed, 6/11 @ 6:15PM

If you're in the greater Puget Sound area and want to see some great independent cinema, you gotta come check out this festival!

Iron Man

2008-05-03T16:52:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile since I've reviewed a film here, and what better subject than the first blockbuster of the season: Iron Man?

Let me begin by saying that I have always been somewhat ambivalent toward the character, was never a huge fan, take him or leave him, etc. I remember having the Mego action figure in the mid-'70s (as part of a massive collection of Mego action figures), but the '60s animated series was a bit before my time and wasn't nearly as well-syndicated as was Star Trek, Batman and Lost in Space. In my early teens, I was all about Daredevil and the X-Men. Iron Man and The Avengers were off my radar to a great extent. The main gist of this disclaimer is that I'm not a ravening Iron Man fanboy to start with... at least I didn't walk into the theater with my kids this morning as a ravening Iron Man fanboy.

But I sure as hell came out one.

It's not only as good as the reviews, it's better. It is at this point worthy of sharing with Batman Begins the distinction of being the benchmark, the gold standard if you will, of how comic book screen adaptations should be made. An origin story, updated without straying too far from the source material, not too over the heads of the casual audience yet not dumbed down either. A perfect cast for their comic book counterparts, and a director whose strength is getting relaxed, natural and often funny performances from said cast. The film is paced well, has excellent action sequences, drama, a bit of romance and a timely message.

What's even more exciting than the film itself is that it's the first to be produced in-house at Marvel Studios, to be followed next month with The Incredible Hulk, and you can see some serious groundwork being laid for an inclusive continuity - a coherent setting, like the comics, where crossovers are commonplace... [minor spoiler alert] as evidenced by Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury in Iron Man and Robert Downey Jr. reprising is Tony Stark in the upcoming Incredible Hulk. There is talk of an Avengers film somewhere down the line, and if Marvel Studios continues to pump out quality summer blockbusters like Iron Man (and from first blush, Incredible Hulk), I can totally see it happening.

There are two metric assloads of comic book/fantasy/scifi adaptations coming out this year, including the aforementioned Marvel properties, The Dark Knight, Hellboy II, Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull, Narnia: Prince Caspian, and more. It's a great time to be a geek.

Anyway, even if you don't know Iron Man, his 40+ year history in the world of comics and animation, or care about a superbly talented director and cast, if you like a good summer adventure, go check it out on the big screen. You won't be disappointed. It really is as good as they say.

Oh, and Stuff...

2008-05-02T15:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Beltaine, the ancient fertility festival of my people. So it was appropriate that my stepmom came over to work in the garden, planting a variety of vegetables, flowers and various seeds. At dinner, she related that she'd talked to her friend who runs a farm in Oregon, and one of the ewes had given birth to twin lambs (both ewes). Since she breeds the females, that's an auspicious omen of plenty for the coming seasons.

I just got an email from Samantha's mom, telling us that her paternal grandmother just died. She was the last in Sam's family of that generation.

And the cycle continues...

I'm Such a Chick.

2008-05-02T09:21:00.000-07:00

I must really cut a surreal figure, this 6'4" Scots-Irish linebacker weeping his eyes out in the car. Decided it was time to introduce Kayleigh to the music of Tori Amos, and started on the drive to school with the first album, Little Earthquakes. I haven't listened to it in years, and it brought back a whole wave of memory, especially when the song "Winter" came on. It speaks to childhood and fathers and I just felt this really strong gesture from my own dad, just for a moment. True, the lyrics are from the perspective of a little girl, but the themes are universal.

Hair is grey
And the fires are burning
So many dreams
On the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself

What brought the Tori Amos thing on (and don't ask me how this makes sense at all) was that Kayleigh is learning some older songs to sing with me (and by "older" I mean '80s), and we were practicing "If There's a Heaven Above" by Love and Rockets this morning before leaving for school. The song is the opening track on Seventh Dream of Teenage Heaven, L&R's first album from 1985. Hey, first album... you know what's another great debut album? Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos. You'll like her, Kayleigh. Very reminiscent of Kate Bush or Regina Spektor, blah blah blah. So that's how that works...

Speaking of daughters and music, we just made our first recording together. I was putting some acoustic covers on the computer, and when assembling Peter Murphy's "A Strange Kind of Love" I realized I had nothing to go in place of the oboe piece in the original. Right then, K walked into the office and asked if she could pitch in, and that led to her playing a very haunting Carlos Nakai-esque "wood flute" piece on Samantha's old recorder. I have only passed it along to friends and family. Because it's a cover, you will never see it available to the general public. But it was a pretty friggin' cool experience, and I'm as proud as can be.

PROJECT, Resurrected

2008-04-25T09:50:00.001-07:00

I dug out the hard drive with the 1" master tape transfer of my first feature, PROJECT, made over 20 years ago as a junior & senior in high school. I drafted a bunch of my theater buddies and the woman who would become my wife, and we set about shooting a 70-minute supernatural thriller over summer vacation. High-end consumer video was a relative novelty in 1985, and we put a lot of effort into it. Director of Photography Mark Allen would go on to many many film and television credits, as would Scott Benton and Patrick Loungway. Lori Halloran would become a PBS producer, Konrad Aderer would become a professional actor & filmmaker, Jon Burnett and Mark Hughes (now Mezadourian) would go pro with acting and directing, Carole Honeychurch (as Anna, pictured) would write self-help books and be involved with comedy improv. Many of us would have families of our own, and diverse careers. Of course, three people featured on-screen would eventually die of cancer (Sam, Natasha and my dad). But it's a great snapshot in time. What our house looked like, the fashion... fun stuff.

The film would be the first project produced by Exposed Films (subsidiary of Pelican Productions), the company David Beach and I founded after high school. It would be my first public airing on television, and would be the first newspaper interview (Palo Alto Weekly). My dad invested the completion funds, a whopping $2200 in 1986 money, out of the total $3000 production budget.

So I dusted off the transfer and began to clean it up. Corrected a few shots in terms of color or brightness, trimmed off some bad edits, shortened an unnecessarily long sequence, and replaced a bunch of unlicensed music with stuff I found on cassette by the composer of the original score (Mark Allen's older brother, Sean). The opening credits were grainy and full of video drop-outs, so I replaced them with new ones. The end credits were wildly ignorant of what jobs people actually did, so I fixed them too. Of course, the video shows two decades of wear, and the fact that the master survived the fire of 2006 in its plastic industrial shell case could not have helped any. And there was no sound design to speak of (and Dolby surround what?). But while there are obvious faults with a film made by a handful of teens in the mid '80s, what's remarkable is how many good shots, good moments and good ideas there are. We were ambitious little shits, for sure.

I had planned to put together a 20th anniversary DVD for as many of the cast and crew as I could track down, but the fire delayed it. Two years late isn't too bad, I guess.

The Parade of Perfection

2008-04-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

By no means do I mean me by that. I refer to the seemingly endless parade of perfect souls the Universe puts in front of me. Creative, thoughtful, wonderful human beings. Human beings that I know are going to be important in my life, or I in theirs. It's really cool to be attuned to that again. My "celestial radar" has returned.

I went to visit the tae kwon do studio of a friend of Producer Dan's. She's a real dynamo - went to the same acting school as Trish & Dan, degree in television production, was Janine Turner's stunt double on Northern Exposure, has run Lee's Martial Arts Academy in West Seattle for decades (a place I've passed on the order of thousands of times). She's offered the use of some of her studio space for auditions and shoots, and I was there to check it out. Nowhere else in Seattle could we find 3000sf of easily dressable open studio space for the price.

Heard from the top secret actress regarding the top secret short, and we've set up a production meeting when she's here for Emerald City in a couple weeks, planning out every detail face to face with Dan, rather than trying to cram the shoot in there as well (and we're way behind deadline for the SAG paperwork anyway). I told her about Duo and about the OA series, and she asked about an audition. Well duh. I would totally cast her in the OA series.

The RADZ book got a big thumbs up from Mark Bruno, one of the originators of the project. Just waiting on the index and we can get to press.

My stepdad just had lap band surgery. He is okay, but they kept him an extra day until he met all of the criteria for release.

12 days and counting to the big four-oh, which I'm gonna start calling "the big four-oh-my-god".

ATF RIP

2008-04-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

I talked to Randy last night, my closest bro for 28 years (and former producer & band manager), and we talked about And Tears Fell. I explained that, although I was meeting some cool people in the process of rebuilding the project, the band itself was really a time capsule, and I hadn't been able to really put my finger on what was keeping me anchored to it, although now I understand. Although I wrote the majority of the material, it cannot be denied that And Tears Fell was named by, and personified by, Sam. I think maybe there was a subconscious guilt reflex, keeping me tied to something that would forever be associated with Sam, to keep being creative in her memory. But then I realized: 1) I've done a lot of creating already in her memory, and think I've done her proud; 2) I don't want to be tied to that identity, especially since it includes a creative partnership with someone who is no longer alive, and honestly, that would be pretty unhealthy; 3) Time for the new. New songs, new music, new art, new relationships, new life.

It's just time.

I think for an alternative band in the late '80s-early '90s, we made some good records and had some fun, and the Requiem album I just released is exactly that. A requiem for an endeavor whose time, like the singer, has passed. Randy echoed my sentiments, and admitted he'd had a tough time trying to figure out how to tell me.

So does that mean I will stop playing music? Hardly. If anything, it releases the baggage that I've been carrying around with all the ATF stencils on it. Now I can write new material as well as rearranging old stuff without worrying about being "true" to the old sound or trying to make something fit a certain genre. I can collaborate as I see fit, without worrying about "well, Chris played this bass line, and Sam sang the bridge like this..." Doesn't matter. And Tears Fell lasted, in essence, from 1988 to 2008. There are four CDs of old material and the Requiem CD available. And that's all she wrote.

Time to close the door on that one, so that other doors can be opened. Thanks for talking me through the process, Randy. And thanks to RM for helping illustrate the point I'd been avoiding.

Moving on...

Interesting...

2008-04-21T21:58:00.001-07:00

So I met with the second vocalist to answer the Craigslist ad for And Tears Fell today. She borrowed my Ovation acoustic and played some originals, gave me a demo CD. Great voice, great songs, and adorable. One of the covers is the 1971 John Prine song "Angel from Montgomery". Not having had a lot of exposure to the wide spectrum of country music, I'd never heard the song before.

So imagine my surprise when we put in Into the Wild tonight, and in the middle of the film, Kristen Stewart and Emile Hirsch perform a duet of "Angel from Montgomery".

Slightly bizarre. But it certainly wouldn't be the first time I'd received a message through music. Unfortunately, I don't really know what the message is, except maybe "pay attention - there will be a quiz later."

* * *

I finished the layout on the RADZ book today. Sending it off to our editor, Jason. As soon as we have the index done, it's outta here! Huzzah!

OMGWTF

2008-04-20T05:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's going on. For the last week or so, I haven't been able to sleep past about 4AM, regardless of when I go to bed. It has all the signs of a creative surge, a cycle of little sleep but extreme productivity. And yet, I don't feel more productive or creative, nor do I feel the vocational stress I usually feel during these cycles. I actually feel more serene and sure of my trajectory than I have in ages.

I canceled my gym membership. After almost three years, I realized that aside from a couple periods of daily training, I wasn't using it enough to be cost effective. I've been doing more and more walking, stretching and isometrics at home, and now have a huge yard to maintain. We'll see how well it works this summer, and if I find that I'm just not getting enough cardio, I'll re-up.

Got word from Heath: The Ballad of Mary Jo and Elliot's Wake were not submitted to STIFF, so that leaves Heath and Mark out this year (except for the credits they got on Ordinary Angels). So we're down to only four films in the festival, two of them from D Constructed. I'm cool with that.

The kids and I did our movie night on Thursday this week, so I had Trish and Dan and Mark (who ran lights for Deathtrap) over for a little film noir fest on Friday. The Maltese Falcon and The Dark Corner (with a young Lucille Ball as the blond and gorgeous girl Friday). I had a blast, chowing down on pizza and drinking beer and wine with film geek friends.

Saturday the weather gods could not come to a consensus, so it was warm and sunny, then overcast, then rained, then mushy hail, then cold and sunny, then (I shit you not) it snowed. Big honkin' flakes of snow, which of course didn't end up sticking because it's almost May - didn't you get the memo?? JD came over for lunch and a movie since his wife is across the Pond visiting family and he didn't want to just hole up with the cats and World of Warcraft. Then I met up with Hans and Ron in City of Heroes for awhile. It was just that kind of day.

Today is coffee with Ron, then an OA series meeting with Trish and Dan, then prepping kids for school on Monday. And hopefully getting a nap in there sometime. JD and I joked about getting older and naps being awesome. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that in another couple weeks I'll be 40. I think a certain level of disbelief might be due to the fact that so much of my thirties was taken away from me - through grief and tragedy and recovery. Meh. I don't want to sound whiny. Just stating a fact: much of my thirties was rushed, hushed, suppressed or ignored. And there's a certain melancholy at not having a partner to share in the birthday milestone. But that's a whole other tangent, and I feel like I've rambled enough this morning.

STIFF Competition

2008-04-17T06:41:00.000-07:00

Ha ha. STIFF Competition. I made a funny.

Aaaaanyway, "competition" isn't the word for what this year's STIFF is to me. Aside from Ordinary Angels, Dan Humphrey's Rectify and The Addict are both screening, Eddie Smith's Behind Closed Doors (produced by Dan Heinrich and starring FIVE actors from OA) is screening, and I heard tell that Heath Ward's The Ballad of Mary Jo is playing as well (but have not confirmed this yet with Heath). If so, that means a hat trick for Humphrey, DP Anthony Tackett and actors Eric Riedmann and Aaron Washington, and a foursome for Darlene Sellers. If Eddie Smith's other short, Man 2 Man*, is in the festival, that's a hat trick for actress Trish Loyd and a two-fer for actor Marcio Catalano (and a fourth for Aaron Washington). And I've just heard from Darlene that Mark Price's film Elliot's Wake is in the festival. That's at least SIX films by our little incestuous community of filmmakers. Excellent.

* Sorry, wasn't able to find an official site for Man 2 Man, and doing a search only brings up R&B groups and gay dating sites.

Now, I haven't confirmed whether Man 2 Man or Ballad of Mary Jo are screening. But even so, that's a healthy showing from the hometown crowd. There's some serious talent in this tight little industry, and it's about ready to burst out and soil the world in some good filmmaking. We used to talk with reverence about Sundance '93, when it was still a little independent festival and proved a fecund meeting ground for action directors Rodriguez and Tarantino when both Reservoir Dogs and El Mariachi screened. Who knows? In the years to come, maybe STIFF '08 will have some historical resonance as the nexus point of the new wave of Seattle indie cinema.

Or I could be completely full of shit. But it's fun to think about.

In any case, it'll be a good showing, and I'm looking forward to the films and the networking.

Three Years.

2008-04-12T16:24:00.000-07:00

Three years ago, this was what our family looked like (the picture is older, but you get the point). There were four of us. There was balance. I had help. So did Sam. The two-years-plus prior to that had been filled with incalculable sadness, devastating disappointment, and brief glimpses of hope, all held together by dogged determination to thwart the odds and have Sam survive, but it was not to be.

Three years ago today, Sam took her last breath on Earth. Today, three years later, we still live in the house where she died. We share warmth and laughter and companionship in the very room where her life seeped away. And honestly, what more fitting tribute to such an avid hostess?

However, geography aside, what a huge difference three years makes. I look at that photo, taken on a visit to my dad & stepmom in Florida, and I don't recognize that man. I'm sure he was a good guy, a loving father and husband, but I feel so detached from that time and place, that era of my life, that I may as well be looking at another family. For that family is not the same.

There is still a sadness at the loss of what that picture represents - the whole temporal path that family trod together. But the feelings are no longer acute, no longer debilitating. They are distant, just as the memories associated with that photo are distant.

We are so very different now. Different, not just by the passing of three years, but by all of the experiences brought by those three years. We have proven that we can survive as a family unit (although it is by no means painless), we have proven we can withstand the loss of wife and mother, of father and grandfather, of house and home, and still come back with a pretty reckless smile. Reckless as in daring to smile when most would think we'd have so little to smile about.

But it's good, this "life" business. The business of living, and of living as if fully aware of the finite nature of life. With all of our mundane struggles, we persevere and come together as a family of three. Kind of a tripod design to this family now - more sturdy on uneven ground.

After weeks of pissing down cold rain and snow and hail, the morning broke sunny and warm today. Kayleigh and I watched Branagh's Much Ado About Nothing, and followed it with Ang Lee's Sense & Sensibility. Kayleigh wove me a friendship bracelet, which I have been wearing all day. Later, as if heeding an unseen spousal imperative (and before I was fully aware of the date), I found myself mowing my gigantic back yard. Tyler's friend Miles went home shortly thereafter, and our family tripod wandered down to the grocery store with our canvas shopping bags and grabbed up some Fuji apples and fresh strawberries and organic bananas and pasta makings for dinner. All the windows are open, and the sound of birdsong and an occasional dog bark punctuates the otherwise still spring day.

And I ponder what a difference three years makes.

Ordinary Angels Gets STIFFed

2008-04-11T16:00:00.000-07:00

I just got the call. Ordinary Angels will be screening at the Seattle True Independent Film Festival (STIFF) this year. This is a big relief for me, as aside from the cast and crew screening and a poorly attended comic shop event, the film hasn't screened in the city in which it was made. It previewed in Portland and Indianapolis, premiered in Atlanta, and has run in Bay City and Colorado Springs. But the first rejection by the Seattle International Film Festival (SIFF) before the cut was finished seemed to be a bullet through the heart of hometown pride that just wouldn't dislodge.

Well, now it's been dislodged, and I will be there with an army of supporters to proudly screen OA alongside Dan Humphrey's Rectify.

Thanks, STIFF. You've made my week.

UPDATE: Not only are Dan Humphrey and I presenting a double-threat with OA and Rectify, but his other film, The Addict, is also screening. So that's a triple feature of actor Eric Riedmann! I say we make this Riedfest '08!

Plug for "Rectify"

2008-04-08T05:46:00.000-07:00

If you are a regular here, you'll know I only hype things of which I am legitimately fond. I'm not a shill, except when it comes to promoting those projects I feel are truly worthwhile. Even then, I'm more a fan than a shill. So trust me when I say that Dan Humphrey's latest short film, Rectify, is an amazing, subtle, creepy piece of work with dynamite camera work by Oridnary Angels Director of Photography Anthony Tackett, an excellent performance by our own Afriel, Eric Riedmann, and a reveal that rivals M. Night Shyamalan.

Dan could really use your help getting Rectify into various festivals. It's off to an auspicious start with STIFF (the Seattle True Independent Film Festival), but obviously there are others he would like to submit to, and Dan has found a great way to raise the cash to cover entry fees. You can find details over on Dan's Rectify blog. I did it, and it's all of a minute's effort. And OurStage doesn't spam you. And you get to watch the film online for free. Help a brutha out.

* * *
In other news, the run of Deathtrap ended this last weekend with good-sized houses and a lot of positive buzz. I don't know how the final numbers came out, but I hope it was worthwhile for Twelfth Night. It was apparently well received, by the response we got. I thought the performances were good, and just kept getting better throughout the run. The closing matinee performance was the tightest, and the crowd twice that of a normal matinee. I got to pilot the first attempt at a two-week run for an off-season show (just like I got to pilot the first off-season show in 2006 with The Dining Room), so I guess Twelfth Night isn't sick of me yet. We also tried out a new print shop for our poster, postcard mailers and programs, as well as a poster placement service. And it's great having an actual staff member handling PR. It all seemed to work quite well.

In all honesty, I think my blocking was the weakest link in the production. Not to say the other elements of direction weren't there - some of my bits got laughs or whatnot. But I'm way more critical of my own work, and I found a real disconnect between the show we'd worked on for five or six weeks and the avid response of the crowd. Some of the younger Twelfth Nighters came on Sunday and were over the friggin' moon, slapping me high fives and saying things like, "bad ASS" and "you are the MAN". I think that means "good". Oh, kids these days and their colorful jargon.

Sam's folks and her brother came on Saturday night, our best crowd by far. And I added a dedication to Caleb's father in the program. For the final show, we had Sam Raimi level blood (or at least Brian DePalma level). It was cool. We struck the set in about two hours and went home, satisfied with having done a good show, and having done our community proud.

T.O.D.D.

2008-04-04T15:45:00.001-07:00

Get Your Cyborg Name

Five Things

2008-04-04T12:59:00.000-07:00

My friend Lisa tagged me with a five-facts meme, so here goes:

What I was doing 10 years ago - 1998
1. Celebrating my 30th birthday (May 6)
2. Cuddling with my 4yo son, my 1yo daughter, and my lovely wife
3. Heading up the Entertainment Group at Visual Dynamics, working in Pioneer Square
4. Doing the Mythos and ReNaction living history groups
5. Working on publishing our first RPG titles

Five things on my to-do list today
1. Pick up prop beverages for the Deathtrap show tonight
2. Get some more layout done on the RADZ RPG (done)
3. Stretches and isometrics
4. Shower (I'm still working in a T-shirt and plaid PJ pants)
5. Go supervise the show tonight

Snacks I enjoy
1. Jonagold apples
2. Blackberries (or anything with blackberries in it)
3. Strawberries
4. Triscuits and Tillamok pepper jack cheese (my downfall)
5. Celery with peanut butter

Things I would do if I were a billionaire
1. Pay off my home
2. Buy a family compound in the San Juans or on the Olympic Peninsula
3. Travel (a LOT)
4. Buy or build a theater facility in West Seattle, which can act as permanent quarters for Twelfth Night and other worthy dramatic & improv companies
5. Keep making movies, writing books, recording music - pretty much what I'm doing now, but more of it!

Five of my bad habits
1. Inconsistent housekeeping
2. Procrastination
3. Stay up too late
4. Lack of patience
5. Overbooking

Five places I have lived
1. Heidelberg, Germany
2. San Jose, CA
3. Santa Cruz, CA
4. Palo Alto, CA
5. Seattle, WA

Five jobs I've had...
1. Busing tables & working kitchen at a dinner theater
2. Dishwasher at a Christian summer camp
3. Usher at a movie theater
4. Actor in an anti-smoking campaign in the mid-1980s
5. Machine op & desktop publishing coordinator at Kinko's

Five people I tag
Andrew, Gavin, Beth, Dan and Lynnae

In the Name of Love

2008-04-04T12:51:00.001-07:00

One man come in the name of love
One man come and go
One come he to justify
One man to overthrow

In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love

One man caught on a barbed wire fence
One man he resist
One man washed on an empty beach.
One man betrayed with a kiss

In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love

(nobody like you...)

Early morning, April 4
Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride

In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love...

- U2, Pride (In the Name of Love)

Opening Week

2008-03-30T23:57:00.000-07:00

We opened to a half-house crowd on Friday (not bad at all for an opening night), and despite a couple tech glitches, it went pretty well (although not as well as I hoped). Saturday, however, we wowed the second half-house crowd with a near perfect show. Energy was up, the crowd was responsive, the fights got gasps, Helga got laughs...

Today's matinee played to about a 1/3 house (again, better than some matinees we've had). So obviously our marketing efforts are paying off. We even got a nice blurb here.

I'm a bit nervous that we're not having a pick-up rehearsal during the week. But I urged the cast to do some refresher script reading so as not to let the text escape their brainpans.

Just got Tyler's school assignment for high school next year. The one high school I didn't want Tyler to go to. They will be remodeling it for two out of the four years he will be in high school, and for those two years, the students will be put in a run-down crap facility with leaky roofs in a bad part of the neighborhood. I will be seeing to the assignment this week. I didn't even get an enrollment form from the district in the first place, so I'm kinda miffed.

I will be joining a new support group for widdas in the late stages of grief, those who are moving forward with their lives and starting to date again. I'm looking forward to it.

Spring Break for the kids this week, but I still have much layout work on the RADZ book to do. It needs to be ready for Emerald City this year (just over a month away).

DEATHTRAP

2008-03-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

So here we are. We had an open preview/final dress rehearsal last night and there was just enough that didn't go right to reassure me that the run will be good. Funny how that works. Overconfidence is lethal in theater.

My mom and stepdad were down in Seattle for a medical consult at UW and came over to prepare dinner, then attended the preview. That was really nice. A number of Twelfth Night friends showed up to watch the show as well. I hope all the new publicity works out and we have decent houses over the run. We got a nice visit from an SPD officer from the Southwest Precinct (at my invitation) to check over our prop guns and generally exchange introductions. For all the community arts outreach we do, the PD was almost completely unaware of our existence or that anyone was doing theater at Youngstown. I aim to change that. Cops are terrific social resources, and a lot of them go out to support local causes when they're out of uniform. So today I'm dropping off a poster and a stack of postcards at the precinct.

The kids seem to have been hit with another round of flu - great. Just as well it happens today. They're off all next week for Spring Break. Easter was so early this year that it knocked the school calendar out of whack. Usually Spring Break happens on one side of Easter or the other, but this time, there was a full week of school after Easter before Spring Break.

I posted a bunch of photos from the Deathtrap production on my Flickr page. The black & whites were snapped in our rehearsal space, and the color ones were shot by Ron Dugdale on the actual set. I'm quite happy with the set design (thank you Mike Thoreson, and everyone who helped build the thing). Just a few small lighting issues to work out tonight and a couple more weapons to hang on the wall. Enjoy the pics.

Tech Week Begins

2008-03-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

We open Deathtrap in one week. Time for MACH5 toward the cinder block wall with your hair on fire. I'm feeling really good about the play. The cast is great, it's much better organized than past productions, and things are falling into place.

The pic is a little faux "inspirational" poster like you find in offices all over the place. The line is from the play, uttered by the psychic, Helga. It's an inside joke, but I couldn't NOT share it. Some of you will be familiar enough with the show to get it, and if you don't, that's fine too...

It's late, I'm rambling, and the cuticle on the inside of my right thumb has split, right at the corner of the nail. It's swollen and hurts every time I so much as touch anything with that part of my thumb. Time to wrap the sucker in a band aid and hit the Tylenol.

Spinning Plates

2008-03-13T11:45:00.000-07:00

You know, like those Vaudeville performers used to do... keeping a bunch of plates balanced on sticks and spinning so they wouldn't unbalance and fall. These are my spinning plates.

Plate #1: Trying to get my fat ass to the gym, damnit.
Plate #2: Trying to get my house cleaned up (or at least the kitchen) before my stepmom gets here to make dinner for the kids.
Plate #3: Digging out all my tax info.
Plate #4: Digging out my time-keeping records for the litigation vs RestorX.
Plate #5: Directing Deathtrap, which is coming along nicely.
Plate #6: Getting a hold of the tech director at Youngstown to schedule hanging & aiming lights.
Plate #7: RADZ book in layout.
Plate #8: Family counseling.
Plate #9: Promoting the Requiem CD.
Plate #10: Preproduction on Duo.
Plate #11: Preproduction on Top Secret Short.
Plate #12: Development of the OA television series pitch package.
Plate #13: Being an emotionally accessible and loving yet firm single parent.

And that doesn't include all the stuff I actually crossed off the list this week!

The kids got to go see Matchbox Twenty, Alanis Morissette & Mute Math at Key Arena last Saturday, which they loved. It was Tyler's first rock concert and Kayleigh's second. They got to meet Mute Math and get stuff autographed, and Tyler is now a big fan. Thanks to Ann for the tickets, and thanks to Doug for giving me some chill-out time Saturday night.

Sunday morning was David Long's memorial service at the Episcopal church adjacent to West Seattle High. It was my first Episcopal service, and it made me glad I'm not Episcopal. Long and dry, with all of the ritual, trappings and graven imagery of the Catholic Church, and none of the fun. The giant crucifix over the altar was a nondescript cross, with an effigy of Jesus out in front of it and in the act of ascent. With the draped robes, he really looked like Superman... or I guess Superchrist. They interred David's ashes in the lawn right next to a beautiful tree in front of the church. Caleb recited a loving tribute in his own style of prose, which left no dry eye. It was good to see my theater community there, despite the alien religious setting.

The changing of the clocks on Sunday threw a wrench into Tyler's precarious sleep schedule, the ripples of which we've been dealing with this week.

I went to lunch with my friend Mike Cressy, who lost his girlfriend to suicide a few months ago. We hadn't actually been face to face since Sam's memorial, so it was good to see him again. I got to have a sneak peek at his new art book. We traded swag, played a little guitar, agreed to get together more often. I cannot imagine the survivor guilt that must go with a suicide. I know from experience that "natural causes" (if cancer can be called that) is bad enough in that regard. It must be so much more acute with suicide, even when faced with the plain truth that the problems were there well before the relationship, and she was going to do it no matter what you did to save her.

There are far too many of us out there missing our mates, spouses, partners, lovers. At far too young an age.

Okay, back to my plates...

...Finally Ran Out of Hit Points

2008-03-06T09:47:00.000-08:00

Add another loss to the rolls. Ernest Gary Gygax, co-author of Dungeons & Dragons and godfather of the adventure roleplaying game, died on Tuesday, March 4th at age 69. While many might scoff and subscribe to the mistaken belief that RPGs "are for geeks and adolescent boys with no social skills and bad bathing habits"*, without Gygax & Arneson and the D&D effect of bringing tactical wargames into the living room, there might not be World of Warcraft or City of Heroes or Second Life or the entire RPG genre of electronic games. Since its arrival in the late '60s, the adventure roleplaying game has had a profound effect on popular culture (and, if you've ever read a Chick Tract or listened to the ravings of Pat Pulling, on religion and crime).

I met Gary briefly at Gen Con a few years ago, and had chatted with him via an industry email list we subscribe(d) to. We rarely saw eye-to-eye on the mechanics of game design, but he was a gentleman and a scholar, a truly nice guy and well deserving of the reverence of the rest of the industry. I can in all honesty credit the man with giving my creativity a ready vehicle in my teens, and a vocation in my 20s and 30s. I wish him well in this ultimate quest, and I wish the best for his family.

I'm reminded of Gary's guest spot on Futurama, wherein Al Gore tells him to "put the dice away before I take them away!" And when Fry destroys the universe, of course they all settle in for a game of Dungeons & Dragons for all eternity. That's kind of how I imagine him now: gathering a party together for a classic dungeon-crawl. H.G. Wells, J.R.R. Tolkien, Robert E. Howard, H.P. Lovecraft, C.S. Lewis... and you know Sam would have to muscle her way into that game... and that bastard Tolkien would hog all the Mountain Dew.

* For the record, I bathed and had a girlfriend and interests outside of gaming, and rarely played in groups that were devoid of female participants. In other words, my experience was precisely the opposite of the stereotype.

Happy Birthday...

2008-02-27T20:44:00.001-08:00

Happy 64th. I miss you, pop.

Fair Winds and Following Seas

2008-02-24T02:12:00.000-08:00

David Long died tonight. Caleb, my adopted little bro, my anchor for so much of the time when Sam and my dad were sick and after they died, is standing where I was almost three years ago, minus a father.

I was at Dan's premiere and got the call, and spent the rest of the night among friends, toasting the life of an amazing man. I don't mind admitting I have an entire brigade of Highlanders drinking ale and cavorting in my stomach right now - right where they damn well should be.

Because I never went to the hospital to view my father's body, this was an opportunity to look upon a father figure in repose, and to witness the guys come to pack him up (just like Samantha). David died at home in a hospice bed, just like Samantha. It was gentle and peaceful for him, and he was surrounded by longtime friends and family. It was a sort of closure for my own parental cancer death experience.

I received another emotional kick in the nuts tonight, but I need to discuss it with the parties involved before I go into detail here. Now I need to go tell the drunken Scots to disperse.

Ahoy, Captain Long. Fair Winds and Following Seas. And may ye get to Heaven 'fore the Devil knows ye're dead.

Deathtrap, Week 2

2008-02-19T11:05:00.001-08:00

Our stunt guy came in last night to rough out the fight scenes in Deathtrap, and ended up pretty much locking everything in. He's amazing. Apparently there's some crossover with several of the troupe members as well as the fact that he knows Aaron Washington from his day job (they both work in social services).

The kids are off this week for "midwinter break", which I certainly don't remember having as a kid, but whatever. We're taking it easy, although I'm still working in the office.

Really tired today. The flu and Seasonal Affective Disorder have been stalking the countryside like two giant stalking things. So far, I've survived one bout of the flu, and have no desire to catch a mutated variant. One of my actors was out last night with a 101-degree fever, so it's lots of prevention this week. Vitamins, green tea, orange juice, plenty of water.

Getting the Deathtrap posters & postcards back today. I got the proofs from Mary last night and they look great. A cropped down version of the graphic is on the Twelfth Night website.

Embrace the Stranger

2008-02-18T00:26:00.001-08:00

When shadows cloak
Your haunted heart
And daylight fades away
And echoed voices
Call your name
As night becomes the day

The seasons spinning
Ever faster
Years go by again
Who'll be there to
Catch you falling
Time without end?

Bridge (x2):
Your eyes
A window to within
Your new life
Waiting to begin

Such a graceful
Beauty wasted
Such an empty heart
Your hungry skin
It craves the warmth
Of new love from the start

Where is your star-cross'd lover?
Where is your new best friend?
Who will heal
Your broken soul
Who will take your
Hand again?

Bridge (x2):
Your eyes
A window to within
Your new life
Ready to begin

Chorus:
Let go the past
Many miles you've roamed
Embrace the stranger
You're coming home

Coming home...

Your vision clears
Your heart beats softly
The world is still again
I'll be there to
Catch you falling
Time without end

©2008 Todd Downing

Sometimes I would like nothing more than a quiet evening at home, but too often the Muse (that bitch) has other ideas. The music and lyrics sprang all but fully-formed from my pad, pencil and guitar (with capo way the hell up on the neck, minor chords and Tool cadence and everything). Could be the beginning of a new batch of And Tears Fell material, but I'm in no hurry to push it. I find the best stuff comes when you sit back and let lightning strike.

Sound For Sale

2008-02-15T21:52:00.000-08:00

And Tears Fell - Requiem is now up for sale at CDBaby. The real, physical CD. It's beautiful, I don't mind saying. Everybody has gushed about the package design. I'm very happy with it. We got an email from a local band called Drizzle (who have a similar sound) asking to share a bill. Even back in the label days, with talk of showcases and various lineups, we were never asked by one of our labelmates to share a bill, so getting a gig offer twenty years later is kind of sweet. Not that we could do anything about it just yet. If I can talk Mike and Muriel into an acoustic set, we could go just about anywhere and play on anyone's bill, from coffee shops to clubs. I just played along with the complete album on the acoustic (14 songs in a row without a break), and my fingers didn't bleed at all, so I know I could do it. Dan Humphrey is going to hit me with some concepts for a music video for one of the tracks. So far, one song is the clear popular fave as far as video potential, but I want to hear Dan's thoughts.

Caleb's dad has had hospice move in and take over. He's on morphine and unable to form complete thoughts or words. This is all too familiar. I'm trying to remain positive and take Caleb's mindset: he's good with his dad, there's nothing outstanding between them, nothing left unsaid. His dad has had a remarkably full and colorful life. It's a tragedy to cut it short, but not unnatural like losing a child or a young sibling or partner. Caleb helped me cut through the brush on my first time down this path. Now I can show him where to walk.

Week one of Deathtrap rehearsals is complete, and Act I is blocked. We're a day ahead of schedule. The posters and postcards are being professionally printed and placed with a distribution service. We have a dedicated PR person now (what Sam always strove for). I've been submerging myself in FM radio hits of 1975-1978, as the play is set in October 1978 and I want to have an intermission CD of historically appropriate music. My cast is fantastic, and I may just have a crush on our Myra (don't worry Dan - it's totally not like that - she's just really fantastic and raises the bar for everyone). If you're not in the Seattle area and want to catch the dynamite Trish Loyd, all you need do is get a copy of Ordinary Angels. She plays Sam (for all intents and purposes), so it's not surprising we bonded over the shoot. Even if you just watch the trailer, Trish is the one in tears saying, "Isn't there any way I can stay?" next to the sobbing Ben Andrews. And her husband Dan is probably the most creatively compatible film geek collaborator I've worked with in ages (my two best friends are Leos, and here comes Dan, a Leo - kind of a natural fit).

Speaking of OA, I'm back to developing the TV series. Have a five-season arc outlined, and a full grasp of the basic story. Now to draft up the pilot. I also submitted the short to STIFF and the Port Townshend Film Festival. In the meantime, Sally and Dan (Trish's Dan) are working on preproduction for Duo, and Dan Humphrey is getting ready to premiere his new film.

Dan Humphrey's "Rectify"

2008-02-13T14:32:00.001-08:00

I want to share this sprout from Dan Humphrey's film Rectify. I'm super excited for him, for the film... plus it's another opportunity to watch Eric Riedmann bring the crazy. I will also offer mad props to the DP of Rectify, who was also the DP for Ordinary Angels, Anthony Tackett. If you are a film person and want to support indie cinema, hit Dan's blog, grab the sprout and stick it somewhere public (your blog, your sister's blog, your Aunt Effie's blog, you get the gist). Check the trailer...

Happy Birthday.

2008-02-11T14:28:00.000-08:00

Samantha would have been 41 today.

Observations

2008-02-08T15:17:00.001-08:00

In the past week or so, I've gotten back in touch with three old high school friends. One of them (Ryan) didn't know Sam had died, so once again I find myself staring back at someone's fresh shock and grief, juxtaposed with my current perspective of peace. It's an odd feeling. The person in question was two years my junior and was part of the Paul/Marte/Colin/Clive crowd (forgive me for the dozens of kids I just left out of that list - I don't have all day), and we weren't super close, but we were part of the same California Reagan-era collective teen middle-finger brigade. EDIT: If we'd actually had a club called the Reagan-Era Collective Teen Underground Movement, our acronym could have been RECTUM.

The second person (Valerie) I knew at Aptos High before I even met Sam. Her mom was the guest director during the quarter when our regular theater teacher was on maternity leave, and directed probably the most professional production of The Crucible a high school has ever seen ('80s hairstyles aside). No politics, no bullshit - everyone auditioned and was cast on ability. Anyway, the daughter is now a mother herself (and a brilliant costume designer, if I may say so). Getting back in touch has brought back a whole different era of memory, pre-Sam. It actually gives me a more complete sense of continuity. Yes, I spent half my life with Sam, but I had a life before her, and now I have a life after her.

The third (Amy) was a mutual friend of Sam's and mine. She was Rosaline in the production of Romeo & Juliet at the Palo Alto Children's Theater of which I've spoken many times herein. The production on which I worked tech, and on which a certain slender brunette (all I could see was the top of her head) held my ladder steady while I helped put up the parachute awning for the outdoor theater. She was a fellow student at Paly, member of the drama club, and our Juliet when the drama department toured a modern mixed-race production of R&J through the Soviet Union. Amy had heard about Sam, but we'd been out of touch for awhile. She's coming out from NYC to attend the memorial for Michael Litfin, but I can't afford another flight to Cali right now, so unfortunately will miss her. I'm also going to miss my friend Konrad's wedding in NYC this May. Drat.

Tyler made it to school EVERY DAY this week, on time! :: pinch :: Yep, still awake. This may not sound like much, but it's truly the first solid week he's attended without missing a single period since the first month of school. And today he came home with a fat lip and blood all over his clothes. The school nurse had called to prepare me, explaining that another kid had hit him during an altercation in the locker room. Well that's just GREAT. Here I am, praising him every day for the achievement of getting his sleep schedule sorted out so he can attend school (a major achievement for anyone who has had a sleep disorder and/or depression), and some little shit tries to undo it by pounding him in the locker room. Now granted, early adolescence is when boys and girls both become little animals in terms of social behavior, and I know that administrative disciplinary action is underway, but come on - the universe needs to cut Tyler some slack... thank goodness he's moving into high school at a safer campus with friends next year.

Kayleigh's new thing is filling out all the subscription cards that come in her magazines - not to send in, but to collect.

... ?? ...

Okay.

She's taking after-school drama, which just goes to show you the power of genetics, or something.

Saturday I have a birthday dinner for my friend Trish ("Sam" from Ordinary Angels), but before that I'm going to go caucus for Obama and then run some computer gubbins up to filmmaker buddy David Choi and his hover tank set. There's a lot to do this weekend, and then Monday we start blocking Deathtrap. Wheeeeee!

A Well-Timed Requiem

2008-02-07T01:33:00.001-08:00

It seems there's been an awful lot of loss and grief going on in my life again, but I'm not going to dwell there. I will mention these items briefly and move onto brighter things.

Michael Litfin died last Friday. Another notch in cancer's belt.
My bro Steve has been in Texas and Denver to be with his parents, both of whom are in failing health.
My bro Caleb has been hit with his dad having lung cancer. Caleb's dad has the same oncologist Sam did. I saw him at a get together at their house this last weekend, and he looked just like Sam and my dad had looked. Ashy gray skin, crispy hair (where it wasn't falling out), and that weary mantle of physical and emotional exhaustion. Caleb's mom would produce expressions I remember making: that "I must be a rock for my family but I'm terrified" look. I recommended Gilda's Club to all three of them. As long as cancer exists, there is no justice.
We all got that neat flu that everyone's been sharing. It's knocked me on my ass for a good week now and I can't sleep worth a damn.
I haven't been to the gym at all this winter. Need to go back. I'm not gaining weight or anything, I'm just not feeling as good as I do when I get a regular workout.

So that's the bad news. Now for some positive stuff:

Tyler made a complete 180-degree turn from the negative patterns he was exhibiting, and has been at school (on time, not just partial days) all this week. He's also been getting better sleep, and he's getting exercise now that they gave him a gym class for the new semester. Who are you and what have you done with my son? I keep expecting to wake up from this lovely dream, but I'm hoping it's real! Positive reinforcement akimbo, and lots less stress in the house.
Kayleigh is taking an after-school drama elective.
As of next week, I'm in Deathtrap rehearsals.
Not that there are any prospects, but I have a really positive feeling about my romantic future, and it's not the far future, if ya know what I mean. Nothing specific, just a feeling.
Work progresses on RADZ. JD keeps sending me some of his best work every day. Jason is cranking out the world detail.

Oh yeah, and REQUIEM came back from Discmakers. They's gorgeous AND purdy. And the sound quality is really sweet. Me = happy. Those who are interested can buy it online at DigStation currently, and it should be filtering onto iTunes and Amazon in short order. As soon as CD Baby gets caught up with their new inventory and lists the album, you'll be able to order a physical CD online. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to Gilda's Club. I sent some to Randy in California, and he was blown away.

Hey Bro,

I’ve been sitting here with the headphones on listening to Requiem (got them today), second time through. It sounds fucking amazing man! I am really pleased at the quality of this piece of work. You need to pat yourself on the back for bringing this all together and making such a beautiful piece for Sam. I am so proud of you Bro. I will get a disk over to the radio station (KWOD.net) program director next week and see if we can get some California airplay. You were right about the case too, it is gorgeous. God I love that mix of Devil’s Lullaby. Well I better shut down and get to bed.

Love ya Bro,

That means the world to me - given Randy's association with And Tears Fell over 20 years, as our producer, manager and co-conspirator. That note right there made the project worthwhile.

May the blessings in our lives cancel out the negatives. Be well.

Nothing's Sacred

2008-01-30T16:04:00.000-08:00

I've been following the news about the Palo Alto Children's Theater (where Sam first met my shoes), and the investigation into alleged "financial irregularities" (the police won't get any more specific, although the investigation has been going on for months).

The theater was closed for about a week, but reopened on Monday after theater director Pat Briggs and assistant director Michael Litfin (two fixtures of Sam's and my adolescence) were placed on administrative leave by the City of Palo Alto.

Meanwhile, Michael is in Stanford Hospital with terminal stomach cancer, and is not looking too good at the moment.

This sucks.

Killing Joke

2008-01-23T08:12:00.001-08:00

No, not the band. The Batman Graphic novel. I thought it an appropriate title for today's post, seeing as how we are mourning the talented young actor who was about to ignite the Batman franchise in the best way.

As much as I love the Batman character, the key to his psychology is the villains he faces, and none more important than the Joker - the classic self-created arch nemesis. And after the comic buffoonery of Caesar Romero and the Shakespearean menace of Jack Nicholson, the prospect of watching a seriously psychopathic Joker (a living version of the craziness Mark Hamill had voiced in the animated incarnations of recent years) was thrilling. Well, production is finished and the film is in post, and once again I will join my geek brethren in a darkened theater and watch with shivers down my neck as Heath Ledger fires it up. Much like I did watching Brandon Lee in The Crow almost 15 years ago. Much like watching Stand By Me or Rebel Without a Cause does for me now.

The tragedy of a life lost so early is the loss of potential - the what ifs that life brought with it, and took away when it was gone. That goes for anyone, from troubled rock stars to enigmatic writers to a young wife with cancer.

The first time I took notice of Ledger was in the short-lived historically-bollocks-but-well-executed Celtic fantasy TV series Roar. He had that River Phoenix intensity matched with smoldering good looks that all too often indicates a candle burning twice as brightly. I watched him play opposite Mel Gibson in the overwrought The Patriot (and thought he was the best thing in the film), and thought he did a remarkable job with a complete mess of a movie in A Knight's Tale. Once again, he showed up as the best thing in The Brothers Grimm, and then exploded everybody's brain with roles opposite Billy Bob Thornton in Monster's Ball and Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain. Finally he was getting offered some substantial quality roles, I thought.

Roles like the Joker don't happen along every day. Coupled with the danger of typecasting, there is, on the other hand, the potential for an actor to really put one's stamp on a cultural icon. I'm sure his performance will be amazing, given what's already being shown in the trailer. But henceforth, the shivery neck thing will always be a part of the experience.

Cheers, Heath. We hardly knew ye.

Edmund Kenneth Downing (1908-1984)

2008-01-18T21:39:00.000-08:00

The following are just one man's memories of his beloved grandfather - I do not seek to deify the man, for there is truly no need, and it would have made him uncomfortable to do so. My experience was possibly (and probably) different than that of my older relations who were raised in his presence. The photographs of Ken, my father and myself were each taken about age 18.

I would like to thank my aunt Kendra for the reminder: today would have been my grandfather Ken's 100th birthday. I daresay it's worthy of note. I had a great rapport with that man, and he was taken far too young (72). He taught me a lot about the history of California, told me of growing up in the days before cars were commonplace, of learning to ride a horse before he could walk. I painted a picture of his horse, Pawnee, which he'd described to me as a child. I framed it and gave it to him one Christmas when I was about 6. Through his eyes I saw San Jose, Los Gatos and the Almaden Valley before it became Silicon Valley. When there were still open cow pastures and orchards, before concrete, condos and strip malls covered the alluvial soil of the South Bay.

In those bygone days of agrarian California, Ken parlayed ranching knowhow into a successful poultry operation in San Jose, and helped develop not only coin operated egg vending machines but refrigerated dairy cases for Safeway. He "retired" to run the family real estate business, operating rental properties and trailer parks.

Never let it be said that he was intractable when it came to changing times. He fell in step with 1970s fashion, donning polyester suits and a perm in his sixties. His house had solar panels for heating and water. He traveled around the world, bringing back tribal art from Africa and Java and Australia. He exposed us to different cultures and traditions. Whether his behavior was different in his younger years I do not know, but by the time I came along, he was a gentle, jovial man, and I never heard a racial slur from his mouth, despite their common use among his generation. What's more, while my grandmother was rather free with corporal punishment, Ken never raised his hand to me (or my siblings or cousins, so far as I know). He was quick with a hug and a story, or a trip to the ice cream parlor.

Some in my family have hidden less-than-pious behaviors behind a facade of piety, but Ken was one of the most honestly devout people I've ever known. He never played holier-than-thou, never cast aspersions on others, never tried to convert someone from existing beliefs. We had many conversations on the nature of God and the Universe, and I found he was non-judgmental and even shared many of my own beliefs and concepts. Despite a somewhat simple exterior, he had a sharp, progressive mind - although he never could tell a joke worth a damn; he'd always mess up the punchline.

After triple bypass surgery in the early '80s, he seemed to be going strong, but his ticker finally gave out. In a sea of family chaos and rampant dysfunction, Ken was one of the buoys I clung to for stability. Interesting that no sooner did he die than I moved to Palo Alto and met this girl in theater class that fall. Another buoy? Perhaps. At any rate, had Edmund Kenneth Downing and his eldest son, Edmund Maben Downing, not existed, Todd Edmund Downing would not be writing this salute. Fair winds and following seas, you sailors and explorers of eternity. My love and gratitude go with you.

Excelsior!

2008-01-16T09:14:00.000-08:00

Thanks and apologies to Stan Lee.

There are occasional moments of absolute clarity in life, if one is open to receiving them. Monday morning, although I'd not had a lot of sleep, I awoke filled with an indescribable sensation of creative potential. Total confidence in my abilities and my new path. It seemed as though finishing the Requiem CD was another step in getting my muse back. A huge step. In a sense, a memorial project is an obligation - a creative obligation, but an obligation nonetheless. It was an obligation I constructed for myself; Sam did not require it of me. I committed to that memorial out of my own heart - a want or need to honor her memory and contribution to the musical collective unconscious.

And it feels wonderful to let it go. Like, "there it is - it can sink or swim on its own - it doesn't need me anymore..." And I know Sam is grooving to it already, on whichever spiritual plane she currently resides. And honestly, that was the primary reason for doing it.

Tyler has been referred to the Swedish Hospital sleep study center for evaluation. We should hear from them soon. Counseling went well yesterday. Joe is starting to work more with the kids on their grief "stuff". I told him to focus on them, as I have a plethora of outlets for mine. Did I just say "plethora"?

The top-secret short film project with the well-known genre actress has become a top-secret short film project AND a music video. Still figuring out to get that done in a very compact amount of time.

Helping my erstwhile writing partner Mack with the development of a TV pilot. It's a really good concept. Meanwhile I've enlisted game designer and freelance writer Jason Sinclair to help finish the RADZ game. JD and I decided to go graphic novel format for the finished book, and have found what appears to be a really great POD house specializing in comics.

And of course, Duo is being scheduled and budgeted for financing.

Exciting times. I'm exhausted, but learning to just calmly release to the muse and let it flow, and that brings a lot of energy back to me. A mysterious feedback loop of creative force.

Glowing brightly...

Speaking of Requiems...

2008-01-13T01:01:00.000-08:00

I was thinking of all the friends and family members I've known who have left this place. The ones who had a huge impact on my life. My brother Matt. My uncle Doug. My grandpa Ken. My wife Samantha. My father. And because it's how I'm wired, music always comes to mind. A specific piece of music that contains all the love for them, the sorrow of missing them, and the serenity of knowing that everything exists in a perfect continuum.

This piece is from the live concert album Dead Can Dance released, containing material from their 1994 tour. The tour which Sam & I saw (as a wedding anniversary gift), front row center. I don't know what sonic resonance Lisa Gerrard employs to uniquely trigger all manner of emotional response, but this music shattered me when I first heard it live, and it has NEVER failed to do so every time since. It is more emotional than Tallis and Barber combined, perhaps because Lisa adds the contents of her soul, singing in no language at all - simply a beautiful and tragic expression raw emotion. It is simultaneously the most primal and the most sublime sound I have heard - at least, that's how it affects me.

First Post of 2008

2008-01-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

Well, the holidays were a mixed bag. Mostly good, with occasional showers of melancholy. Recently watched The Holiday with Kayleigh, and of course we both identified with Jude Law's character - the widowed dad with two kids trying to find an identity that wasn't necessarily "daddy" or "Mr. Napkin Head". As saccharin as a lot of that script was, I totally got his character. Like him or not, Law does an amazing job making even the most mundane material come alive. And Eli Wallach is STILL amazing.

I guess the big news is that And Tears Fell - REQUIEM is finished. Once Muriel sends me her recent headshot for inclusion in the CD art, it's off to the replicator. I did a couple test burns of the master on Tuesday, and the second one sounded perfect. It feels good to check that project off the list, especially as a tribute that's taken 3 years to produce. Here you go, Sam. The music we made together, aged and remade with love, by people you loved. I'm not 100% happy with my vocals, but I realize it's more about the honesty and the message than the technical perfection. Fortunately, Muriel sings on most of it.

I'm going digipak format (almost totally cardboard CD case), as it's more eco-friendly, containing 60% less plastic than traditional jewel cases. The same folks who did the Ordinary Angels DVD run will handle this CD run for me.

Duo is pretty much in preproduction at this point. I've put producers Sally and Dan together, and things seemed to click, so that's good. Speaking of Dans, OA editor Dan Humphrey just shot his new short, starring Eric Riedmann - can't wait to see it! I think I am going to have to put the top secret short on hold until Deathtrap closes in April. That should still give us enough time to edit and get it done before Emerald City on the weekend of May 10th.

Prepping Deathtrap. Schedule is done, already have my set designer working on the design of the Breuhl study. This will be fun.

I've decided to postpone my trip to Scotland until summer 2009, given that we may well be in the midst of Duo production in summer '08. Besides most tours need to be booked several months in advance. This will give us a bit more time to plan.

Hitting the ground running in 2008...

Happy New Year?

2007-12-31T19:08:00.000-08:00

25 years ago today, my dad married my stepmom in a beautiful ceremony in a charming church in Sausalito, California. I was 14, just halfway through my freshman year in high school. My little brother had just turned 6, and my sister would have been 9. We were all part of the ceremony: Gavin was the ring-bearer, little white tux and all; Sara joined my stepmom's sister as a bridesmaid; and I stood up next to my uncle (all 6'7" of him - he looked like a Nordic Wookiee) as a groomsman.

The reception was held at a restaurant on the docks, and afterward, instead of driving off in a car decorated with shaving cream and dragging cans behind it, they sailed off into the sunset on my dad's trimaran sailboat, The Redwood Coast.

Another friend of mine, my neighbor John, is getting married to his longtime girlfriend tonight. I really wanted to be there and be happy for them. But for some reason my heart said, "stay home, be calm and quiet, and remember your dad."

So I am doing just that.

Katherine, know that I am thinking of you tonight. Remembering the two decades plus you had with my father, remembering the joy you brought each other. Remembering the good times as our family unit grew to include Samantha, for a time Sara's husband Jeff, then Gavin's wife Michelle, and the three grandchildren "Grampa Bear" loved so much (the relationship he had with my kids reminded me very much of the relationship I had with his father when I was young). The ski trips, Disneyland, Canada, Virgin Islands, college, and visiting you both in Florida. I'm glad you came out to Seattle when the cancer arrived. I'm glad we all had each other in our wagon circle when the times were especially hard.

When the Gregorian New Year hits for us at Midnight PST, I will toast the passing of another year minus two very amazing people. I will pour a shot of the Cruzan Black Strap navy rum and drink to Cap'n Bear, your wedding 25 years ago, his lasting effect on our family, and your lasting presence in our lives.

Fair winds and following seas, Pop.

Happy Anniversary, Katherine.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2007-12-24T11:57:00.000-08:00

Yes, so I'm not an active member of a Christian church, and I know that Jesus of Nazareth wasn't born on December 25th (more likely in the spring, during lambing season), and I know the early Church planted Christmas right after the Winter Solstice to subvert the earlier Roman festival of Saturnalia and the pagan European Solstice festivals (like Yule). But like most secular Euro-Americans, I love this great, bizarre, lumbering behemoth of mixed pagan traditions, wrapped in colorful Christian trappings and tacky commercialism. It's Christmas (rhymes with Swiss Miss).

I didn't love it last year. And I certainly didn't love it the year before, with six inches of raw sewage in my bedroom. But I'm starting to get the feeling back. Yes, I absolutely miss Samantha at this time - most of my Christmases had been spent with her. And yes, I absolutely miss my dad. My world, and the world at large, is a less wonderful place without the two of them in it.

So I put on some Peter Gabriel last night and cried my fucking eyes out for a good twenty minutes.

Just another stone in the wall of memory. It was good and cathartic and I needed it. I think some of the melancholy not only has to do with Samantha and my father, but with the recent news that a heavy hitter in the RPG industry was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (metastasized to the liver) and his prognosis isn't good. Well duh.

Despite all of that, I feel really good today. My house is as clean as it ever gets, I'm having dinner with the stepmom and grandparents today, and we all do Christmas here tomorrow. Sam's brother Doug will be hanging with us - a first, I believe. I'm looking forward to it.

You know, underneath the religious dogma and the secular commercialism, there's a real kernel of universal truth and wisdom at the heart of Christmas. I'm blessed to have a family and circle of friends who GET that. The guy who cut me off in the Westwood parking lot, the stressed out yuppies killing each other over who gets the last Wii in the shop, they don't get it. If you've read my blog more than a month or so, you probably DO. :)

So think of that kernel of truth and wisdom at the heart of Christmas and what "holiday spirit" actually means. And know that I mean this from the heart:

Merry Christmas, and a Happy, Healthy and Miraculous New Year.

And now, here's some nog that I'd like to dig into, and it's totally better for you than the stuff with the eggs. ;)

Sleep Disorder?

2007-12-20T10:47:00.001-08:00

Tyler has never been a calm sleeper. Even as a baby, he was squirrelly in his crib or in our bed. Sam & I used to joke about having the Human Corkscrew as our son. We thought nothing of it.

Possibly unrelated but puzzle pieces nonetheless, Tyler had a very difficult birth. He went into distress twice and had to have his stomach pumped immediately on delivery. Sam hemorrhaged and started to bleed out, but thanks to Mark Beard's speedy and excellent needlework, she survived to go through a much less traumatic delivery of Kayleigh. Then when he was about two, Tyler fell off our open front porch into the flowerbed where Sam was gardening (a fall less than 3 feet, but he seized up and stopped breathing temporarily, went into shock, and had to be taken to the ER for examination). So, two physical traumas very early on, despite an otherwise loving and nurturing home.

Later, Tyler started acting out physically, exhibiting symptoms associated with ADD and ADHD (and was diagnosed such). Sam & I were the last people who wanted to medicate our child, but as his lack of impulse control had become a very real threat to his little sister's safety, and after trying diet and herbal alternatives, we finally felt like we had no other options.

We varied meds until we found one (and a dose) that seemed to give him some mileage without too many nasty side effects. Even so, our hearts broke every day, having to choose the lesser of two evils: a medicated but stable child, or a med-free and totally out of control child - and we are talking OUT of control, like even out of his own control. Like attacking people out of nowhere with various implements, digging holes in his bedroom wall, tearing up carpet, rolling around on the floor making weird and incessant chirping noises, hyperfocusing on an issue to a point beyond futility, and total disconnect between action and consequence. We chose a cocktail of counseling and 10mg Adderall XR (a pretty low dose, time-released). He was stable, a seemingly normal kid, not a drugged out zombie (which is always the parents' fear).

When he turned 13, the mutual decision between myself and our pediatrician was to give Tyler a vacation from the meds over the summer break, to allow him to catch up in his growth and weight (which he has, in spades), and to see how he functioned off them. Starting in May of this year, he's been off the Adderall, and has been pretty functional, so we just kept going without, knowing that things like rules, boundaries and schedules helped him maintain a sense of equilibrium.

Now, I'm not a clinical psychologist; just a parent whose ultimate concern is the health and well-being of his children. So all of what follows is strictly solo research.

As soon as the school year began, Tyler had a seemingly impossible time adjusting to his new and earlier schedule. Even after several promising weeks that included talking about new friendships and even possibly going steady with a girl, a slide into depression and lethargy became apparent. He wasn't going to sleep until 2AM or later, and could not be roused until late morning (if at all). Even well after the power cords to all electronics were removed before bedtime, thereby removing the temptation to play games into the wee hours, the problem continued. Negative behaviors began: the usual surly teenager attitude, a reversion to former violent habits with his sister, dissociative behavior, and a complete disregard for the fact that he was failing every class and might have to repeat the 8th grade. He went so far as to run away from home at 1AM one night, and had to be brought home by the SPD (he was found wandering near Roxhill Park, which is not a place you generally want to wander around at 1AM). There was a glimmer of empathy when he saw how terrified his sister and I were, so that gave me hope.

We worked with the school wellness counselor and the truant officer to get him re-motivated, changed the bedtime ritual to better facilitate relaxation, and got all three of us into family counseling.

What has come out of the counseling is that the loss of Sam, my dad and our house affected us in very different ways. Kayleigh and I process externally. We talk, we examine, we cry, and we get it out. Tyler internalizes everything. Always has. And while there is no right or wrong way to grieve, I've seen him actually shed tears maybe two or three times in the last three years, and one of those was the day his mom died. So here's this amazing, intelligent kid - the world should be his oyster, but he's really hurting, and despite having an open, loving, nurturing environment in which to grieve, he either won't or he can't process, and it just builds up until it explodes in any number of inappropriate and/or damaging ways. Even the way we process emotionally has created distance between Tyler and his other two family members.

So part of what we're doing in counseling is trying to get a handle on Tyler's process - what makes him tick - with the goal of a psychiatric re-evaluation. There's some depressive or bipolar behaviors going on, for sure. Tyler brooded through much of last night's session, and then randomly, in a very chipper tone, suggested we go to dinner at Elliott Bay, where he ate a great dinner and laughed and joked all evening.

Bedtime went as per usual. But at 1AM, Tyler came into my room, complaining that he couldn't sleep. This has always been his major justification for not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, that he "hardly got any sleep". So instead of tucking him back into his own bed, I just had him sleep in my bed, and I lay awake all last night and monitored him.

From the moment his head hit the pillow, he was asleep. But it was anything but restful. He would tense up for several seconds, twitch a bit, then relax for a few minutes. Then he'd mumble something, roll over, and relax again. It was like when he would "corkscrew" as a baby, only much more violent and spasmodic. This restless process continued from 1AM to 4AM, when he finally drifted into deep REM sleep.

Eureka.

I went to the computer, looked up sleep disorders and voila! Delayed sleep-phase syndrome. Often manifests in early childhood or adolescence, usually associated with physical or emotional trauma, associated with symptoms of depression and other emotional disorders, often misdiagnosed as ADD or ADHD, only recently acknowledged as a unique disorder. People who have it say it's like functioning in a 9 to 5 world with 6 hours of jet-lag.

He's sleeping plenty, just not getting the deep sleep that should be occurring much earlier in the sleep cycle. My gut tells me he's not sleeping because he's depressed - he's showing symptoms of depression because he's not getting deep sleep when he should. And I'm sure it's exacerbated by the Pacific Northwest winter solar cycle (sun sets at 4PM). It's a disruption of the body's natural circadian rhythm, and can be helped with phototherapy (full spectrum lights) and other behavior modification.

So that's where we're going to look next. I really feel like I made a breakthrough on this, and am hopeful of positive results. Not to say that it's all wine and roses from here on out, but I feel like I have a better handle on what's going on in my son's head.

As Promised...

2007-12-17T09:46:00.001-08:00

Wow, it's been a couple weeks without a proper post. Let's see if I can get caught up on everything for my loyal lurkers.

So we read a local actor for the part of Steve in the Duo film. We're not even technically in preproduction yet, but the executive producer feels having the principal cast attached when we pitch to the funders will be an asset to the project. Already, Eric Riedmann and Trish Loyd from Ordinary Angels have signed on as JD and Liz, respectively. We have Angela DiFiore, Khanh Doan and Jeremiah Peisert all returning from Samantha's original cast.

So we had Devielle Johnson come in and read opposite three other actors. He'd not worked with Eric Riedmann, but Eric is kind of from the whole OA alumni thing, and we've worked together a couple times. Khanh was from the old cast and we've been friends since the original casting process in late 2004, but have not yet worked together. Incidentally, she is in an indie feature called Simply FOBulous, which stars Steven Liu from Ordinary Angels. And Trish played the Dying Woman (Sam, for all intents and purposes) in OA, and she, Devielle and Dan Heinrich are all from the same acting school in Seattle. See how the strands of the web connect? Pay attention. There will be a quiz later.

For coming in cold and reading opposite two actors he had never met and one with whom he was very familiar, he did very well. I offered him the part a few days later, and he accepted. So we have our primary cast in place, and a selection of supporting parts to cast. Fortunately, doing a project with so many speaking roles like OA means that I now have a database of really great talent I can have read for parts without either party having to go through an open casting call. I know it's incestuous and "closed", but it worked for Orson Welles and the Mercury Players, and if I ever can't find the right actor through either my own network of those of my film friends, I will do another open call. I just prefer to avoid them when I can. It's uncomfortable.

Generally having issues with Tyler and his motivation, and there is a pending re-evaluation with the counseling service (probably after the holidays). I won't go into detail in this forum as I feel that Tyler's privacy is his own, so I will only lay out how his situation affects me as his parent. Needless to say, the last few weeks have been incredibly challenging, but we're sticking through it, trying to pull together as a family. The new counselor is pretty good. I have high hopes for continued success with the kids.

Today was a major victory, in that BOTH kids got up and got to school on time! I don't think that's happened at all in the last two weeks. It's the last week of school before the holiday break, so keeping Tyler's motivation up is a big challenge. For Kayleigh, school is all about the social aspect, so she's good - just a bit cranky this morning.

Anyway, the tree went up awhile ago - looks pretty good. Sam's brother Doug will be hanging with the Downing clan this year for Christmas, so I'm psyched about that. Did I just say "psyched"? That's rad.

I also got a few prints from JD & Alison's wedding:

Pretty cool.

The next week is going to be filled with cleaning, work, and trying to finish my Christmas shopping in the most frugal way possible, as things are really tight this month.

I predict another few posts before then, but if not, Happy Holidays everyone!

Proxy Post

2007-12-12T23:43:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this isn't a REAL post, but one is coming, for reals. Pinky swear and everything. In the meantime, I redesigned the cover for the RADZ RPG. JD is quite happy with it. It'll be nice for the very patient Deep7 fans to have something new to look at in 2008. :)

Funeral for a Friend

2007-12-03T15:54:00.000-08:00

Mike Cressy, renowned Seattle illustrator and good friend, lost his girlfriend Holly to suicide on 11/9. Mike just sent me this. There are no words, Mike. Welcome to the club nobody wants to join. I love you, man.

Absolution

2007-12-03T14:51:00.001-08:00

So most folks in this country know Gary Numan as the one-hit wonder behind the new wave single "Cars". What most don't know is that this guy was one of the vanguard of techno-industrial music, and has been quietly cranking out amazingly complex and beautifully dark alternative music for decades. With dozens of top-20 hits in Europe & the UK, he is often singled out as a prime influence of today's vanguard, including Trent Reznor.

Gary's still going strong. He's still delivering amazing music and amazing performances today, and looks as if he might have a magic portrait hidden away somewhere (he turns 50 next year).

So it's no surprise that his last 3 albums (as well as a 2-disc remix collection) have become favorites of mine, as they often include themes of loss and spiritual crisis.

One particular song from 1997's Exile has found its way into my playlists and my shower CDs recently. It's a pretty extreme declaration, but I find it a powerful statement of how love is the bottom line to everything, and trumps all spiritual dogma... it is the basis of existence.

I would swim across oceans
Just to talk with you
I would climb a tall mountain
Just to look at you
I'd give my soul to the devil
If you asked me to
I would walk out of heaven
Just to be with you

This is absolute
This is absolution

I will be your disciple
And I'll worship you
Burn the prophets of reason
Light the sky for you
Kill the children of Eden
If you want me to
Close the dead eyes of God
If they offended you

This is absolute
This is absolution

- Gary Numan, "Absolution"

Evel Knievel, RIP

2007-12-01T09:30:00.000-08:00

Another icon from my childhood has gone to that great stunt show in the sky. I remember the Snake River Canyon jump in the rocket car, many bus jumps, reports of assaults with a baseball bat, and most of all the crank-up Evel Knievel action figure stunt cycle.

Take care, big guy.

Unexpected Treasures

2007-11-30T16:00:00.000-08:00

I was organizing my office today (aka moving piles of crap from one stack to another), and I ran across a small cache of old photos...

My acting headshot at age 14 (taken by Randy):

My acting headshot at age 16 (taken by Randy):

Sam from Hello Out There, the first play we were in together (taken by Randy).

Me as Pink from Alan Parker's film based on Pink Floyd's The Wall. High school Halloween, age 17 (taken by Sam).

Me from the first Kings production Polaroids, about age 18. Although at that point I was producing and David Beach was directing, I'd written myself a cameo as Soldier #2. That's a guy who is comfortable and secure in his relationship, 180-degrees from where Sam was at the time (taken by Sam).

The back cover image from Zingo Magazine #1, an indie 'zine from late '82/early '83 (taken by Randy). Note the hat. I was Mr. Eighties Fedora Hat Guy. Mostly because I resonated with the 1930s/1940s retro vibe going on at the time. Note also that the men's double-breasted suit was back in fashion then...

Thanksgiving Update

2007-11-26T09:19:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving for us went like this:

1) pack up kids and wine, leave at 12:30PM
2) sit in parking lot traffic, and arrive in Bellingham at 3PM
3) visit with family and eat shortly after 4PM
4) pack up the car and head home at 5PM

Fortunately I-5 south was wide open and we got home about 6:20PM.

It was good to see my grandparents - my grandfather turns 91 this week, and since his spinal surgery, he's been walking more upright than I've seen him in years. Way to go, Opa!

We had our first family counseling session on Wednesday. Very positive. Mostly just intake stuff and preliminary questions, but definitely like the counselor, and Tyler really needs the outlet.

Ron and Mike and I got together on Friday and played some AT-43. It's been years since I've thrown actual models on a table and rolled dice, but it was really fun. High-quality, prepainted plastics - definitely the way to go if you don't have the time to assemble and paint your own army. I hope the game does well for Rackham.

Took Tyler and his best friend Miles to see Beowulf in 3D IMAX at the Pacific Science Center. It was big. It was loud. The 3D was cool. It was at times some of the best CG animation I've ever seen, and at times the lamest filmmaking. The voice acting was pretty consistently good, and the final battle sequence was some great film, period. So, if you can see it in 3D, I'd recommend it. It's not an instant classic, but it does represent some important achievements in computer animation.

Still finishing up the top-secret short project, and getting preproduction started on Duo. And I also need to start planning for Deathtrap.

Amy & I had a few very long and intense conversations and determined that, although we definitely click on many levels and share a wide cultural overlap, I just wasn't feeling the romantic spark. We're remaining friends, which is great. I understand that's unusual for a lot of folks. I'm on speaking terms with every woman I dated after Sam died, except one. That's a pretty good ratio. In any case, that's the end of my internet dating story. If any relationship is gonna happen, it'll be meeting through common interests and/or work. I just get that feeling.

Okay... back to it.

Happy Elfin' Holidays...

2007-11-25T23:58:00.001-08:00

So this is cute.

Also, actor Eric Riedmann, who played Afriel in Ordinary Angels, has accepted the role of JD in my upcoming film, Duo. I'm a happy camper. I'm also a tired camper. Homer sleep now.

Stuff & Jazz

2007-11-20T23:36:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted this week due to the sheer amount of stuff going on professionally. Still writing like crazy, and in pre-pre-production on Duo. Went to the screening of Behind Closed Doors on Friday night, and was pleasantly surprised to find that even folks who didn't actually know me, knew of me via Ordinary Angels, and that the film has a very good reputation. I gladhanded for awhile and thoroughly enjoyed the BCD film itself. It also afforded me a look at my Duo producer Dan in his element. These are good people. Talented people. And I'm really glad I fell in with them.

Tyler has had some challenges this week, but it's not anything I really want to go into in public at this time. Everyone is safe and sound, and we're going to family counseling starting tomorrow. That's a huge step forward. And he was an absolute angel today. I'm taking him to the Dino 3D Imax film at the Pacific Science Center on Saturday with his best friend.

Had my parent/teacher conference with Kayleigh's teacher today, and she's doing great! No concerns with her, except for keeping her at a high enough level to remain interested and engaged in the class.

We had dinner with Sam's folks on Sunday night. Too short a visit, but the kids need their school night structure.

I'm also continuing to see the woman I briefly mentioned previously, and she's coming out to the house tomorrow for dinner and "meet the kids". The rationale is thus: we've been "going out" for almost a month, and have determined that even if we don't work out romantically, we can remain friends - certainly not a hollow promise, as I have a very good track record in that department. So I feel okay with opening that particular door, and the kids are excited to meet her too.

Finally, I thought I'd share the following short film. It's a Flash animated webtoon I wrote & directed when I was art director at Hyperbole Studios during the dot-com boom. Listen closely and you can hear me do several of the voices. Our managers Greg and Halle also pitched in on the voice talent, and my bro Steve did all the art assets that I then animated (as well as doing his share of voices!). Enjoy!

Congrats!

2007-11-14T11:48:00.000-08:00

I just want to give a quick shout out to Lynnae, who has become engaged to her amazing boyfriend Shawn.

As I have said before in this very blog, Lynnae is a truly outstanding person and really deserves all the happiness life can possibly throw her way. I wish the happy couple a long and blissful union.

Much love.

11/11/07

2007-11-12T16:11:00.000-08:00

I spent yesterday avoiding the fact that it was the 23rd anniversary of the day Samantha & I officially kicked off our relationship. I've written about it before on this blog, specifically:

here (2005), and here (2006).

I've been passing the days nose-deep in writing, parenting, and movie screening. This is one of the low swings where I just keep my head down and hopefully get something done until the energy returns and I get phenomenal things accomplished. I have a film premiere on Thursday, and am taking the woman I've been seeing for the last couple weeks. Should be fun. I was on the guest list for TWO premieres on the same night, both films with folks from OA involved. It sucks to have to choose one over the other, but Ben knows I love him.

On Saturday I took Kayleigh to see The Foreigner at Youngstown. Muriel is beginning to blossom as a director, and she really took advantage of the space. I am going to use those beautiful wood flats for the interior of the Breuhl house when I do Deathtrap in the spring. It was a good show, and half a house on a Saturday matinee is not bad attendance at all! The word is staring to seep out of West Seattle.

Of course I stopped up by the booth and snapped a pic of the etched sign outside, something I'd yet to do in the past year. Looking forward to doing a two-week run of Deathtrap in there.

Fall Sets In

2007-11-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

This week I've mostly been nose-down in script projects, though I did surface long enough to assemble some last-minute audio cues for Muriel's show. I'm feeling pretty tired, mostly due to having an almost-constant battle with Tyler over school and his sleep schedule (and the fact that, given the two are fundamentally incompatible, school wins and his sleep schedule needs to change). School admin and counseling staff have even intervened. I have every faith that he'll get in sync, but right now it's a struggle for all involved.

Kayleigh is set to start voice lessons in addition to playing her clarinet in advanced band - I'm just trying to coordinate with the teacher.

So, work work work. What have I done for amusement?

My mom and stepdad came down on Monday to hang out and visit. They'd never seen OA, so I screened it for them. I can watch the deathbed scene by myself or with newer friends, but if someone who knew Sam is watching, I am compelled to leave the room. Also showed them The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, which they thought was funny. Which is good, because it is.

Ron and I went in on the AT-43 intro game, and were both impressed by the casting and stock painting of the pieces. One of our old friends from the game store days (Ron and I used to run a geek boutique at the W. Seattle Junction back in the day, which was a Wednesday) came by when we were breaking it open, and I think he's hooked. We're all old hands at Warhammer 40K, and just don't have time to assemble and paint a bunch of models prior to playing - we just want to play. Also been getting in one or two evenings of City of Heroes a week, beating up bad guys online with Ron and Hans.

I've also gone on a couple dates with a really nice gal. But I'm not going to spill the beans here prematurely - wanna see how it develops. We did go and see an amazing film on our second date: Control. It's a biopic about Ian Curtis, founding member of the iconic post-punk band Joy Division, which had a profound impact on alternative music, influencing whole genres from the late '70s to the present day. Directed by Anton Corbijn (whose music videos and rock photography often grace MTV, Rolling Stone and other venues). Amazing cast. The actors portraying the band members are scary good. Almost dead ringers for the real guys. The film is NOT a Joy Division movie - It's primarily about Ian Curtis, his strained relationships, depression, epilepsy, and suicide at the age of 23. It's not a feel-good movie. It's a beautiful, powerful time capsule, expertly captured and presented in black & white. (photos: on the left are the real dudes, on the right are the actors from the film)

Sheesh. Apparently, it's the 30th anniversary of Joy Division. Now I feel REALLY old.

I was not an early adopter of Joy Division. We didn't get a whole lot of their music in coastal California. But when I moved from Santa Cruz to Palo Alto, I was introduced to a wealth of alternative sound: Joy Division/New Order, Cabaret Voltaire, Cocteau Twins, Bauhaus, Japan, Simple Minds, Depeche Mode, and more. At first I wasn't into Joy Division, but their sound grew on me, and soon I could see the attraction. While punk rebelled at the overplayed/overproduced progressive rock of the 1970s, a less angry, more somber, minimalist form emerged, which would seep into the new wave, goth, shoegaze and dreampop sub-forms of the '80s and '90s. Joy Division represents that vanguard, from Stephen Morris' metronome drumming to Peter Hook's melodic lead basslines, to Bernard Sumner's stark guitar riffs, to Ian's droning vocals. And you cannot listen to a current band like She Wants Revenge or Scanners and not hear the influence.

Happy Celtic New Year

2007-10-31T21:05:00.000-07:00

The pic is from our front walkway - a string of jack o' lantern lights from Target. Happy Halloween, kids. Wheeeeeee!

Of course for Samantha, this was Samhain (SAH-wen), or Celtic New Year's Eve. The time when the fabric between the material and the spiritual planes were thinnest. After much historical and cultural study, it became my New Year as well.

So honestly I was not surprised when Kayligh and I showed up at my brother's house to let her trick-or-treat in her pirate best, and what should we hear wafting out from his front room but the opening strains of "Demons" by And Tears Fell. Gavin had just opened the door and the last song was fading out, when my opening guitar chords rang out. Gavin stood there with a creeped out look on his face, and Kayleigh flashed a big grin when she heard Sam's voice start to sing.

Thanks for checking in, hon. We're doing fine.

I'll have pics of Kayleigh's pirate getup tomorrow. Right now I'm exhausted and need to go turn off the pumpkin lights. Cheers all - Happy Celtic New Year. May the coming year bring blessings beyond measure.

A Different World

2007-10-30T11:10:00.000-07:00

My 91yo grandfather recently had spinal surgery. I just talked to him on the phone, along with my grandmother. He's doing great in physical therapy and she's a human dynamo - just as always. I love them fiercely.

Something my grandfather said stuck with me. They read my blog regularly (he calls my entries "soliloquies"), and he said how much they enjoy keeping up on what's happening in my life, although some of what I talk about is way outside their experience. "It's a different world," he said. Not like in a "you young whipper-snappers and your rock & roll" kind of way, but as a legitimate, heartfelt, observational truth. How often do we of the generations subsequent to the Greatest Generation actually stop to ponder how the world has changed (for better or worse)? And what contribution are we making to forge a better world?

65 years ago, my grandfather stood with his peers and fought against fascism, genocide and unbridled imperialism. Stuff not unlike what we're exporting now. The technology that made his spinal surgery possible (and thus, years of additional comfort and mobility) also makes the world smaller. Makes it easier to communicate and yet easier to be misunderstood. On the upside, that technology has given everyone a voice. On the downside, everyone can talk at once, in fire-and-forget soundbytes - so there's more crap to sift through. The technology that put humans on the Moon also carries death and destruction to any target in the ever-shrinking world. On the one hand, I hold a lot of hope for future humans leaving this planet to explore the galaxy beyond. On the other, I have to ask: do we deserve that privilege before we've got our collective shit together as a species?

I'm not saying my grandfather's generation didn't have its problems - they had plenty. But at least at some point they stared down an economic depression, a world war (and the curtain call in Korea), and kept a sense of optimism and hope for the future. My generation is the product of Vietnam, Watergate, OPEC embargoes and corporate media. Hard to maintain a sense of optimism when you've been conditioned by experience not to trust authority. I don't have a "solution" so much as just stating the obvious fact: that is our challenge.

"It's a different world." Amen. Food for thought.

* * *

Finished the rewrite on Duo. The aforementioned producer seems to like it. It finally has the ending I was always trying for, but never quite achieved. Unfortunately, I was so head-down in the work that I totally spaced calling my little brother to wish him happy birthday. I'm the worst big brother EVAR. Although on Sunday the kids and I met up with Gavin and some of his friends for The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D. Some of the 3D was well done, some of it was way off and gave me a headache.

Watched my region-2 UK import copy of Hannie Caulder. It's crappy quality, but I'll take it over no movie. With the new interest in westerns and exploitation movies from the '70s, why is this film not getting a new region-1 special edition? It's an underrated western, and Raquel Welch's character is arguably the inspiration behind Sharon Stone's character in Sam Raimi's The Quick and the Dead. Just a thought, Anchor Bay. We love Raquel. We love a nice spaghetti western. We love revenge plots. Give us a decent edition of Hannie Caulder.

Also watched the original 3:10 to Yuma with Glenn Ford. What a great western! I never really heard about it until the recent remake came out. Really great character study. And... IT'S GLENN FORD! Come on. How can you go wrong??

Another coffee date coming up this week, and of course Halloween tomorrow. I promise pictures.

I Has a Flavor!

2007-10-23T14:31:00.000-07:00

Apparently...

Hot hot! I am Curry Flavoured.

I have a spicy personality. If you can take the heat, you'll love me, if not, I'll probably make you cry. I am not for the faint-hearted. What Flavour Are You?

Six Bullets

2007-10-23T13:50:00.000-07:00

Saturday: had a brunch date, saw Elizabeth - The Golden Age (and despite it being a shamelessly pro-England propaganda piece, found it extremely well done, a satisfying sequel to the first Elizabeth film). We went out to coffee afterwards.
Sunday: hung out with the kids, watched movies, did projects.
Monday: got a ton of work done, especially on the currently top-secret collaboration with a well-known actor whose name I cannot yet reveal. I'm diggin' the concept.
Today: FINALLY got my car back from the dealership - took it in two weeks ago to get the driver's side seatbelt fixed and ended up with a whole new SRS harness... all the airbags, all the pre-tensioned belts, all replaced. Gotta love that warranty!
While the Kia was in the shop, the dealership didn't have any extra loaner cars, so they put me in an Enterprise rental. Unfortunately the first car (a 2007 Taurus) was a piece of crap, so after a couple days I switched out at the West Seattle location into a 2008 Monte Carlo coupe. I don't think I'd ever own one, but it was definitely preferable to the Taurus! Nonetheless, I now have my Sportage back, and I'm a happy man!
Several of my peeps are in plays around town, so I think I have a lot of theater to go see in the next week.

Grindhouse, As Promised

2007-10-19T08:27:00.000-07:00

Having a couple kids, I don't always get to go see "grown up" movies in the theater, and must await their arrival on DVD. Such was the case of the Grindhouse double feature of Robert Rodriguez' Planet Terror and Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof. Please remember this is only one filmmaker's opinion - I don't claim to be the definitive authority on anything, so if you absolutely love or hate these directors, save the fan/hate mail for them.

Planet Terror - I don't always like everything Rodriguez does, but I *always* respect his maverick, low-budget process. And more often than not, I actually *do* like his work. He's consistently pushing the envelope in terms of the Hollywood production model, creating films one either loves or hates, and when a director creates something that inspires such vehement emotion (on either side of the coin), in my opinion, that's the very essence of art. Look at Sin City. Love it or hate it, you cannot deny it is a work of staggering visual genius.

So let me preface my commentary on PT by saying I didn't start out a Rodriguez fan. I thought his half of From Dusk 'Til Dawn blew goats, and totally didn't fit with Tarantino's first half. Then I went back and discovered El Mariachi, and followed that trilogy through Desperado and Once Upon a Time in Mexico. And that won me over. I finally started to understand this guy. Then I took Tyler to the first Spy Kids movie, and it blew my mind - here's a director who can clearly compartmentalize the creative process and make different kinds of films for completely different audiences, with a high standard of technical quality on a low budget (thus "buying" himself more creative control on his projects).

Anyway, I've grown to respect the man as an auteur (he frequently writes, produces, directs, directs his own photography, edits and scores his films), and must say Planet Terror was a filmmaker's dream to watch. The DVD is the extended unrated cut, and since I missed the general release I don't know how it varies. But it does include a trailer for a fake movie called Machete, in the best grindhouse exploitation tradition. Cheech Marin as a shotgun-toting priest who delivers one of the best, most trite lines I've ever heard delivered: "God has mercy. I don't."

Planet Terror is a zombie movie. More specifically, it is THE zombie movie. A rural Texas population is exposed to a military chemical experiment gone awry, and soon popstar Fergie is getting her brain eaten. The cast is a smorgasbord of talent from across the spectrum of TV and cinema: Jeff "Lawnmower Man" Fahey, Michael "The Terminator" Biehn, Josh "The Goonies" Brolin, Michael "Twin Peaks" Parks, Bruce "Sin City" Willis, Tom "Dawn of the Dead" Savini, Carlos "El Mariachi" Gallardo, Freddy "Six Feet Under" Rodriguez, Marley "Pleasantville" Shelton, and the incredible Rose "The Black Dahlia" McGowan (and an army of really great quirky character actors). The plot revolves around a disparate group of uninfected folks having to fight their way through zombies that go POP! when you shoot 'em, through the infected soldiers at the military base, and into the helicopters that will take them to a remote part of Mexico.

It's ludicrous-level violence, and the "film" is "aged" to look like a piece of celluloid that's been chewed up by a projector over and over again. I found this to be particularly impressive, since Rodriguez shoots in HD video. The color correction and aging are perfect. There's even a point at which the film breaks and burns, and we get a MISSING REEL slide from "The Management", only to be thrown back into the movie at a later point in the story. Now, this is not the first time a film has been artificially aged and/or chopped up to convey a story. The parody Amazon Women on the Moon did exactly that. But the way in which Rodriguez uses the gimmick clearly evokes the visceral grindhouse movie experience - I loved it. I mean, come on: a stripper loses her leg and has it replaced with an automatic rifle!! A doctor carries around a hypodermic needle pistol strapped to her leg!! Fergie gets her brain eaten!! What's not to love??

Which made Death Proof somewhat of a disappointment in comparison. Although it has a totally able cast (Kurt Russell, Zoe Bell, Rosario Dawson, Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Tracy Thoms, Rose McGowan, Jordan Ladd & Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and a workable premise for an exploitation movie, it felt like most of the second act was more like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I mean, I like Tarantino's writing more than his direction most of the time, but this was chatty even for him, and it didn't necessarily do anything to advance the plot. And while the film (and Tarantino does shoot on actual film) carries some of the wear & tear that Planet Terror uses to such great effect, by the middle of the film it's pretty much gone, and we're watching a pristine print, which kind of defeats the purpose of using the gimmick in the first place. It was almost like Tarantino, with his vast, impressive knowledge of film history, was trying to make a good-looking product, and in doing so, misses the point of making something look crappy on purpose. Death Proof is not a bad film (certainly not his worst), but is completely outclassed by the total camp sci-fi horror experience that is Planet Terror.

On the upside, the chase sequences and car stunts are AMAZING, and the first wreck has some of the most amazing cinematic violence ever put on film, in my opinion - another application of the term gore-nography, for sure. But the chatty stuff just distracts from the whole stalker/cat/mouse/revenge story.

And for the record, I preferred Tarantino's portion of From Dusk 'Til Dawn to Rodriguez' portion, and think QT's best screenplay was True Romance. I still think Pulp Fiction is iconic cinematic genius, and I loved Kill Bill Vol. I. So I'm not writing this as some kind of Tarantino-hater/Rodriguez-fanboy.

Also recently watched Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (wow) and Domino (Tony Scott, you are a mad genius and I love you). Those two films really deserve more than a blogger's footnote, but I really need to get to work...

No Sh**, There We Were...

2007-10-18T06:51:00.000-07:00

Well, suck. We had one of those "we'll look back on it later and laugh" moments last night at the Comic Stop screening of OA. I promoted it, the shop promoted it (both on the front page of their website and on their MySpace page), and they'd had customers asking about it and phone calls asking about it for days. Kayleigh and I spent two hours setting up the back room for the screening.

Dennis (Lucifer), Natasha (Eloa), Aaron (Cadmiel) and Oliver (Child) showed, Dan (Editor/Assoc. Producer) showed, Oliver's family showed, and Brian (friend and associate) showed. No one else showed. Granted, the wether was crappy and Seattle was setting records for multiple-car accidents, so maybe it's to be expected... maybe it was just a crappy time to hold a screening.

On the upside, I got to hang out with Kayleigh, have dinner with her, chat. That's always good. And I got to see some of my actors again, which is always fun for me. I also hadn't seen Dan in over a month I think. So it was a nice reunion. We're looking at holding a mini-film fest at Emerald City Comicon in May, and will assemble our actors again for a better-targeted experience.

I've decided I'll hold off on the posting about Planet Terror until I've watched Death Proof as well. This Friday for movie night I will screen something family friendly first, and then show Planet Terror after the kids go off downstairs to play games. That's usually how it works. Pizza and one flick, then they get bored and go amuse themselves with games and various creative projects. Which is great, really, because I get daddy/kid time, and I also get Todd/adult-friends time.

Kayleigh has been discovering her dad's life through the films of John Hughes. Last week it was Ferris Bueller's Day Off, or An Analog for Todd's Senior Year in High School. She's already seen The Breakfast Club, or The Time Todd Got Caught Having a Ferris Bueller Day Off and Got Sent to Saturday School. This week it will be She's Having a Baby, or Todd & Sam Get Married and Begin Adult Life. It's really spooky how John Hughes and Cameron Crowe really nailed my life - how they captured the essence of the post-Boomer generation. Case in point: Fast Times at Ridgemont High (written by Crowe, directed by Amy Heckerling) - came out in 1982, the summer before my freshman year in high school. The Breakfast Club (written & directed by Hughes) - came out in 1985, junior year. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (written & directed by Hughes) - came out in 1986, senior year. She's Having a Baby (written & directed by Hughes) - came out in 1988, forecasting the life of Todd & Sam by 2 to 4 years. Say Anything (written & directed by Crowe) - came out in 1989, recalling the life of Todd & Sam 3 or 4 years previous. Singles (written & directed by Crowe) - came out in 1992, just after we moved to Seattle, capturing the essence of being a twentysomething creative type in the Emerald City. I guess they've just had an eye for the zeitgeist.

Anyway, back to the morning grind. Gotta drop Kayleigh at school and Elvis at the vet. Then back to work writing.

Note to Self:

2007-10-16T23:53:00.000-07:00

Write a blog entry on Robert Rodriguez' Planet Terror, which just came out on DVD and left me chortling and steeping in a pool of my own mirth.

Right now, I need to get to bed...

P.S. "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

Zodiac, or Early Childhood in the Bay Area

2007-10-15T23:07:00.001-07:00

I watched Zodiac today. If you haven't seen it, this post may contain spoilers. I've been a fan of David Fincher since Alien 3. Now just hear me out on this, because there's a method to my madness. It's amazing that such a steaming pile of crap of a script like Alien 3 could be given to a first time director, who could make it look so good, given the limitations of material and budget. That's some fancy directing skill. And of course, Se7en was his redemption. Sam and I went to see that in the theater, and were totally blown away - from the juxtaposition of Morgan Freeman's and Brad Pitt's characters to the hyperkinetic opening credits, to the incredibly intense morality play. And Fight Club... genius.

So, David Fincher gooood. Fire baaaad.

Zodiac really hit me, and here's why. First of all, it's based on the case files of an infamous serial killer who stalked the entire state of California in from the mid '60s to the mid '70s (mostly known for a very active period in the San Francisco Bay Area between 1969 and 1972). Although a prime suspect was finally identified in 1993, he died before arrest and the case remains open in several California counties. So it's viscerally real. It's also really well designed, with very impressive historical detail.

I was a wee lad when we moved back to the States from my dad's Army posting in Germany, and we lived in San Mateo, which actually had a curfew in effect due to the Zodiac killer. In fact, my first memories of TV news were (in order): Vietnam coverage, Zodiac, Watergate and the Patty Hearst kidnapping. Fincher's team does an excellent job recreating the Bay Area of that time period, right down to the construction of the Transamerica Pyramid, aside from the Golden Gate Bridge and Coit Tower, probably the most recognizable San Francisco landmark. It's all there - the hairstyles, the clothing, the cars. The air of depression, the ever-present layer of cigarette smoke wherever you went... you can almost smell the laundromats and urine. My only beef with the art direction is that the main characters don't change a whole lot over the 20 years covered. My parents were not exactly fashion plates, but they changed their hair and clothing styles radically (several times) throughout the '70s. But since I don't know what the real people being portrayed looked like during those years, I can't really say it's a huge issue.

Yes, there are scenes of brutal killings, as you'd probably guess, given the film's subject matter. But the way they are captured totally take any potential Hollywood gloss and throw it away. The camera is usually at the victim's level, and there is an eerie lack of musical score during those intense moments, which means that Fincher is really putting us there in the moment. He knows what buttons to push, and it's really effective.

The cast is great: Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr., Mark Ruffalo, Anthony Edwards, Donal Logue, Elias Koteas, Dermot Mulroney, Adam Goldberg, Charles Fleischer (who knew the guy who played Roger Rabbit could be so damn creepy??) and Brian Cox as famous California attorney Mevin Belli (they even mention his episode of Star Trek). Ione Skye makes a short and uncredited but memorable appearance as Kathleen Johns, a potential Zodiac victim who lives to tell the tale.

Anyway, it just really made that time in my childhood come back to me, as bittersweet as that is. A similar thing happened with The Pursuit of Happyness, with Will Smith - another really powerful film also set in San Fancisco.

So that gets me thinking, if my earliest TV memories were the aforementioned tragedies, what were we watching to escape? Mod Squad. Ironside. Bridget Loves Birney. Bewitched. I Dream of Jeannie. The Courtship of Eddie's Father. That Girl. Nanny & the Professor (loved me some Juliet Mills). The Flying Nun. The Brady Bunch. The Partridge Family. The Monkees. And Star Trek in syndication.

ADDITIONAL (10/16):
Watch this film. Funniest most perversely beautiful documentary I've seen in a long time.

Yay!

2007-10-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

Had a productive couple days writing. Also had my niece here for the weekend, but all three kids miraculously kept each other amused without a major meltdown.

Met up with Sally & Justin and signed off on my '06 taxes. They get mailed in tomorrow. And I've sworn it's not going to take 10 months to do my '07 taxes. :)

Been listening to this band. Elle & Elliott Nelson are the talented offspring of the iconic Bill Nelson, on of my all time top musical influences. The apples didn't fall far from the tree in this case. Imagine Dif Juz meets Mazzy Star meets Cocteau Twins and you'll get the basic idea.

Wednesday evening we have an Ordinary Angels screening/Q&A/signing at the Comic Stop in Lynnwood. If you're in the greater Seattle area, try to get out there - it's gonna be fun!

Elvis Catstello goes into the vet on Thursday to get his first checkup and probably get snipped as well. Sorry buddy, but we can't have you getting into the spray habit.

Pirates and Projects and Teens, Oh My!

2007-10-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

Wow - over a week without an exciting post to fill the time. But in all honesty, I've been so busy living the excitement that I have either lacked the time or energy to post at a given moment.

So here's what the last week and a half brought:

Did the Twelfth Night Cabaret fundraiser last Friday, put on 30lbs of costume and gear and did my thang. I haven't heard the final numbers, but I think we came close to our $20K goal. I had a serious temporal wtf experience in looking at one of the players, John, who is 16 with the requisite acne and braces. The same age and condition I was in when Sam & I got together. It blew my mind.

Kayleigh had a pirate-themed birthday party on Saturday; four 10yo girls dressed as pirates, hopped up on sugar. And two 13yo boys trying to eat me out of house and home while leaving messes behind (during my cleanup for K's party especially). You see, Tyler chose that weekend to have Project Halo, wherein he and his best bud Miles stocked up on oh-so-healthy chips and soda, and proceeded to play all three Halo games in their entirety in 48 hours. And me the only adult. So that was fun. Hang on, let me lay down for a minute.

Sunday I had a very productive 2-hour production meeting over lunch at the Swell with a couple creative professionals I really dig - one of whom I've known for 7 years, the other I met in recent weeks (but am very familiar with her previous work). Unfortunately, I cannot say more about the project at this time, but it's looking like a lot of fun and a great opportunity.

Simultaneously, there has been interest in Duo, the film we were working on when Sam died, from a production company in Seattle. They want to add it to their pitch roster to a funding source, as most of the projects are pretty heavy dramas and they need a romantic comedy to balance things out a bit. Duo does have a lot of elements in its favor: it's pretty much ready to rock, pending an editing pass to finesse and tweak a few bits; despite some interpersonal drama in the story, it's a pretty light, feel-good screenplay without being saccharin or predictable; three of the principal actors Samantha cast are willing (and excited) to come back and do the project. The deal is that if Duo gets funded, I will direct. To think of what I could do with that film with a proper budget...

Still working on the OA feature script, as well as a classic scifi parody screenplay. Plate full, certainly. But carved out enough time to have a coffee date with someone from Match. Nice gal, intelligent, well-traveled and with a common music culture. Spent a great deal of time in Heidelberg, Germany, my own hometown. You don't find a lot of folks out here in Seattle who can say they hail from Heidelberg, Germany, so I figure it's worth exploring a bit. We'll see - I'm certainly in no hurry.

Took the Sportaaj into the shop yesterday for an oil change and to replace the driver's side seatbelt, which hasn't retracted properly in awhile. Turns out the faulty retractor can cause the entire airbag system to not work, so it's good I'm having it done - it's a warranty fix anyway, so I'm not out any money. Unfortunately they were missing a part and had to overnight it, which means I'm in a loaner: an ugly as f**k white Taurus with a cassette deck. Anyway, the repair should be done today or tomorrow.

I close on my refi today. Thanks to Carrie, one of my widda pals from Gilda's, who happens to be a mortgage banker and got me a nice 30-year fixed. Beats my current ARM, and it will allow me to pay off the stupid lien on my house from the rebuild. Then I won't have to fight on two fronts and can concentrate on my settlement with RestorX (for which I've hired a local attorney).

I'm checking off the to-dos and lining up really cool professional projects. Aside from getting over a nasty flu bug and a sore shoulderblade, life is good.

Happy Birthday, K!

2007-09-30T21:57:00.000-07:00

My little girl turned 10 years old today. Wow. She's an amazing girl, full of talent and promise. I'm very proud to have her as a daughter, and love to watch her continue to evolve.

Oh, it's pretty much official: I'm directing Deathtrap for the TNP spring show.

The TNP Cabaret is this Friday - I'm doing my usual pirate shtick.

Happy Anniversary

2007-09-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Sam,

Here we are again. This would have been our 17th wedding anniversary.

It's hard to believe that so much has happened in the last two and a half years. The kids are growing... both are so much stronger and more mature. I'm definitely a different man than the one who held you as you left on that quiet April morning. Even the house we made a home has been rebuilt; a different version of the former thing.

Things are happening for me professionally, creatively... I have rediscovered my heart, and the capacity to feel deeply enough to have it broken. That's just fine, because it all adds up to closure and completeness.

I still think about you a little every day (some days, like today, more than a little). I look back on our almost 15 years of marriage, just over 20 years together, as one would perceive an old slide show. While the images may still be clear, time and distance seem so much greater now. Before you died, I was always able to maintain a very strong temporal continuity; past experiences seemed close and accessible. Since then, even recent events sink into the distant past so much more rapidly.

I wish you were here to share what I've learned and what I've become, but a big part of that was gained from losing you - so it is an equation without a solution. Solve for X, but X no longer exists in the alphabet.

I could say more, but really, nothing more need be said, since if your spirit persists as I believe it does, you already know all of this anyway. It's just a way for this corporeally-bound human being to order his thoughts on a pretty somber occasion.

Raise a glass beyond the veil tonight - I will do the same.

Love always,
Todd

TMBG, You Suck.

2007-09-26T19:35:00.000-07:00

Dear They Might Be Giants,

It was with much excitement that I purchased tickets to your September 26th concert at the Moore Theatre in Seattle, looking forward to taking my kids, 10 and 13, to your live show (having introduced them to your music since they were toddlers and could dance along to "Particle Man"). I have been a longtime fan of your music, since your first album and earliest videos on 120 Minutes. My kids were thinking I was the coolest dad ever.

So imagine our disappointment when we arrived at the entrance to the Moore (having paid $10.00 in event parking) to find out that, at the band's request, no one under 14 was to be admitted. I mean, I understand playing an 18+ show, or a 21+ show in a club where alcohol is served. But nowhere on the tickets or the Moore website did it forewarn me that my kids would not be able to see your show. Ticketmaster lists the show as "recommended for ages 14+", but as their parent, I should be able to determine their ability to see a rock concert - and "recommended for ages 14+" is not the same as "absolutely no one under 14 will be admitted, period". It's not like they're babes in arms - they're worldly, music-savvy tween/teens who have great taste and have been looking forward to this show for more than a month.

Luckily I was able to get a box office refund from Ticketmaster, but I'm still out 10 bucks for parking and have a couple kids who are disappointed in the policy, disappointed in the lack of notice, and soured on They Might Be Giants in general (and I don't blame them). They were really looking forward to seeing you perform, and we all feel like you let them down. In the future, you might do your younger fans (and their parents) the courtesy of stating your age policy somewhere more visible than at the venue box office in sharpie, and in clearer, more concise language than "recommended for ages 14+".

Thanks, Johns.

Todd, Tyler & Kayleigh Downing, Seattle

It's a Bird! It's a Plane!

2007-09-22T10:02:00.001-07:00

It's BUSYMAN!

Sorry about the lack of posts this week. Been going full tilt on the homefront, getting some contract projects finished, blah blah blah.

Got back into a gym schedule. That's good of course. It's interesting to go back through my posts over the last couple years and see how many times I say "I gotta get back to the gym", and I do, but 4 months later I'm back to "I gotta get back to the gym". Oh well. It may be two steps forward, one step back, but at least it's generally forward motion.

Been developing a new film project which I'm not going to elaborate on until it's much farther along. It's the emotional opposite of Ordinary Angels.

Kayleigh's blue is almost completely gone. Alyssa said she would find a different, more long-lasting product and re-do it for free. So that's today. I'm also heading up to the Comic Stop this afternoon to say hi to Brian and be introduced to Gigi Edgley. There's collaboration, comic books and indie film projects involved, and that's all I can say at this point.

Tyler has TWO math classes this semester, his regular class plus MESA math. His class went to the Puyallup Fair yesterday, and he ended up walking home from school, which is a big step for us. He is maturing and growing at an alarming rate, and my grocery bill has skyrocketed. But that's what *I* was like at 13 (sorry Mom), and it means he should hit his initially estimated height of 6'2". I think he might even surpass that.

Anyway... I'll get caught up today and tomorrow and begin to elaborate more next week.

OA DVD FYI BYOB

2007-09-13T09:18:00.000-07:00

Well, those of you who were waiting with baited breath for the release of Ordinary Angels on DVD have no longer to wait. It's available. So get that bait out of your mouth and go buy one already. Heh.

The new OA site is also just about live. You can go there now, but the CONTACT page is still being worked on. I'm actually just the media/director contact. Sally is the development contact.

Oh, and those of you who received an email from me regarding this: on the first three groups (everyone from A to N, I think), I included the wrong URL for my own film - how lame is that?

It's www.ordinaryangelsmovie.com. Please make a note of it - there will be a quiz later.

Creeping Into Fall

2007-09-09T22:44:00.000-07:00

Sunny weekend in Seattle, but some breezes started coming in. You live in a place long enough and you can start to recognize the signs. Fall is just around the corner. The kids are back in school. Kayleigh is taller than her 5th grade teacher. Tyler has made a friend. I have high hopes for them this year.

Saturday was dominated by a rare and wonderful meeting of the D Constructed partners at my place for a combo festival postmortem/DVD release company party. Watched Forged and Zombie Love. Had lunch. After Sally & Justin left, Dan & I hammered out a basic site design for a whole new OA website. Should be done pretty soon. And the DVDs will be available from FilmBaby soon too! And Andrew Kenrick continues to make strides on the RPG.

Met my friend Mike for coffee this morning, then headed over to Staples to run some copies of the Ruby Slippers script. Got back in time to have a visit from Dennis Kleinsmith (aka Lucifer) from the OA cast. He picked up his copy of the DVD and a poster, and we chatted about projects. Dennis is all kinds of cool.

One of our leads for the play reading (the aforementioned Damn These Ruby Slippers) got stuck in Portland and was unable to get here. So thanks to Raff, we got a sweet and accommodating friend of his to read in her stead. In all honesty, the last time I'd heard it read aloud was in October 2004, when Sam organized and cast the reading. It's a lot more verbose and intellectual than the OA script, not that one can truly compare subject matter. Ruby Slippers was originally written in 1999, and I can see where I've really evolved as a playwright. Honestly, although I enjoyed the reading, hearing it aloud again kind of left me sour on it. I think it might be too dated... like the window for that particular play has passed. I dunno. Maybe it's because the play comes from a different place and time, a totally different guy - jeez, it's been almost a decade, y'know? A lot has happened since I first sat down with my friend Jordan and bounced ideas off each other. In fact, Jordan has pretty much exited our circle completely. And it seems kind of... un-epic... in comparison to my life the last few years. But there's ninja in it, and dream sequences, chair throwing and bondage gear. So it may not be a complete loss.

When it comes to original stage plays, there is currently little opportunity within Twelfth Night. They need to get specific grant funding for original works for it to make any sense financially. I'm supposed to direct something for them this season, and Deathtrap has been tossed around. Muriel is directing The Foreigner this fall, so I'm off the directorial hook until the spring (at least). In terms of original works in my own arsenal (when the time comes), I have a couple projects aside from Ruby Slippers.

I began writing Tragic Heroes shortly after Sam's cancer diagnosis, under the guise of putting a comedy out there to kind of do my part to lighten the mood. In reality, I just thought there was (and is) a shocking lack of costumed superheroes on the modern stage. Unfortunately by the time I'd gotten to finishing act I, Pixar's The Incredibles came out, so I had to go back to the drawing board on a lot of elements, and ended up shelving it indefinitely. Too bad - there's some decent shtick, and my favorite way to portray Aquaman (without it being the real Aquaman of course): as a drunk.

Vampyre Genesis is about the "haunted summer" of 1816, when Lord Byron, Percy & Mary Shelley, Claire Claremont and Dr. John Polidori congregated at a Swiss villa, took lots of opiates and held their famous contest to see which of them could write the scariest story. It was the summer that produced Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, or The Modern Prometheus. But the lesser-known work to emerge was Polidori's The Vampyre, arguably the first of the modern, romantic vampire tales, which Bram Stoker would raid liberally for his Dracula a generation later. I used a lot of contemporary literature and Polidori's own journals, which seem to indicate a lot more competition with Bryon than Byron would have ever acknowledged. There is also some question as to whether or not Byron's child by Claire was actually his and not possibly Polidori's. In pouring over all of the writings and histories, it became clear to me that the major inspiration for Polidori's character of Lord Ruthven (pronounced "RIV-ven") was Lord Byron himself, so the concept of the stage play formed around act I being the historical set-up, the actual "haunted summer" (or rather a liberally dramatized and condensed version), and act II would be an adaptation of The Vampyre, with Byron, Shelly, Mary, Claire and Polidori portraying the roles that were inspired by them. Sort of a play-within-a-play, kinda... maybe.

In any case, the technical requirements are somewhat beyond Twelfth Night's abilities in terms of an off-season show, and I'd need actors who were REALLY good at accents and could pull off Regency-era dialogue and make reciting Coleridge sound interesting.

Anyway... there's always improv.

Okay So A Few Things...

2007-09-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

The kids are back to school finally. I think Tyler is going to do well at his new middle school this year - next year he's off to HIGH SCHOOL! Yikes! He's been doing fairly well without his meds, sleeping and growing like a weed. Kayleigh is now taller than her 5th grade teacher... and there's something else different about her - read on.

So here are a few bits and pieces of catch-up from the last week or so...

The marble entry of the Grand Hyatt in Buckhead (Atlanta, GA).

Nicholas Cage and me - we're like THAT. (Photo by Todd Lubitsch)

We have a new family-operated pizzaria here in Westwood - they do custom slices.

Oh yeah - Kayleigh had her hair dyed blue in front. Alyssa, who did hair and makeup on Ordinary Angels, works at Salon Fauntleroy in West Seattle, and does the family hairs. This was her work, and I must say it looks cool. Having been a teenager in the '80s, I'm no stranger to brightly colored hair, so this is really low on my list of parental battles. She wanted streaks throughout, but we compromised (with Alyssa's help) on the front streaks. The strong blue really makes her eyes pop. So far everyone at school loves it. Her teacher says she will probably start a trend.

Sam used to have a blonde streak in front when she was 18 or 19.

OA got a nice nod from this film connoisseur, who saw the premiere in Atlanta. Scroll down to his writeups and look for 'O'. Thanks, man!

DVDs will be available in a few days from FilmBaby. Watch this space!

New Angels Trailer

2007-09-05T23:28:00.000-07:00

I finally did a new (shorter) OA trailer...

Hey Laughing Boy - No Mo Buwwets!

2007-09-02T17:44:00.000-07:00

I've now been awake for almost 20 hours. Had a quiet breakfast pastry, banana and OJ in the cafe at the Hilton where the main con entrance is, killed some time until the local Starbucks opened at 8:30AM (that's right, on Sunday the Starbucks opens at 8:30).
It appears that Atlanta's indigent, transient and mentally-ill-but-released-and-still-wearing-the-hospital-bracelet population all come out in the mornings. I saw guys combing through garbage cans for their breakfasts, all the while holding very intense conversations with nobody in particular. It was just a bit freaky.
I did slip a couple Washingtons to the dude setting out the chairs and sweeping in front of the Starbucks - apparently he's had cancer treatment, and is trying to work his way out of medical debt. Whether that's true or not, the fact was that he was working, and I wanted to encourage that. Besides, he let me in the SB before they were technically open.

With some caffeine in me and a sandwich procured for later (thinking ahead), I went to the sci-fi film block in the screening room. A lot of them had to do with toxic environments and folks wearing gas masks or environmental helmets.
Ambassadors Day was very unique and I thought well done.
The German film Deus-in-Machina blew me AWAY. Incredible effects work and a really original and intelligent plot.
Sat in on a panel on legal issues in independent film. It focused mostly on copyright, trademark, product placement, music licensing and the fair use defense. Valuable stuff there (although I was already well ahead of the curve on most of it).
Sat with Kely McClung of Blood Ties and the previously mentioned David No for most of the blocks. What a great couple of guys. Kely's girlfriend (?) Amanda is super nice and really funny.
The comedy block that followed had some pretty great material.
Enter the Grasshopper runs like a fantasy sequence out of Ned's Declassified, with great production value and a fun premise.
Monster Job Hunter - funny and gross and cathartic. Especially if you play 1st person shooters.
07, once again, hilarious parody of 24.
Todd Lubitsch's Blood of the Cross was shown in its official capacity in this block. That was fun to see again.
Had to stick around for another screening of Zombie Love. I managed to get a copy from director Yfke (pronounced EEF-kuh, as I understand). Gave her a copy of OA.
I will definitely be showing all of these film trades to my cronies back in Seattle.
Went to dinner with David, Kely & Amanda. Todd L. showed up and the two of us went for drinks while the other three went to David's millionth screening of Forged - that was a huge hit at the con. It played on the Indie Film Festival track, the Apocalyptic cinema track and the Silk Road (Asian cinema) track. Nice reception for David in the States.
I had several people come up to me today and say how much they enjoyed Ordinary Angels from it's premiere screening. Wow!
Now I'm making the truly last post before I return home tomorrow.
It was a really great festival/convention. I made some good contacts, not just in a professional capacity, but in a way which I think is rooted in mutual respect and admiration for one another's work - perhaps even friendship. People who are in visual media for the right reasons and who are just plain Good Folks (TM).